the diary of a man of fifty-第4部分

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I　stayed　for　another　hour；　it　is　a　very　pleasant　house。



Two　or　three　of　the　men　who　were　sitting　there　seemed　very　civil　and　

intelligent；　one　of　them　was　a　major　of　engineers；　who　offered　me　a　

profusion　of　information　upon　the　new　organisation　of　the　Italian　

army。　　While　he　talked；　however；　I　was　observing　our　hostess；　who　was　

talking　with　the　others；　very　little；　I　noticed；　with　her　young　

Inglese。　　She　is　altogether　charmingfull　of　frankness　and　freedom；　

of　that　inimitable　disinvoltura　which　in　an　Englishwoman　would　be　

vulgar；　and　which　in　her　is　simply　the　perfection　of　apparent　

spontaneity。　　But　for　all　her　spontaneity　she's　as　subtle　as　a　

needle…point；　and　knows　tremendously　well　what　she　is　about。　　If　she　

is　not　a　consummate　coquette　。　。　。　What　had　she　in　her　head　when　she　

said　that　I　should　not　have　gone　away？Poor　little　Stanmer　didn't　go　

away。　　I　left　him　there　at　midnight。



12th。I　found　him　today　sitting　in　the　church　of　Santa　Croce；　into　

which　I　wandered　to　escape　from　the　heat　of　the　sun。



In　the　nave　it　was　cool　and　dim；　he　was　staring　at　the　blaze　of　

candles　on　the　great　altar；　and　thinking；　I　am　sure；　of　his　

incomparable　Countess。　　I　sat　down　beside　him；　and　after　a　while；　as　

if　to　avoid　the　appearance　of　eagerness；　he　asked　me　how　I　had　

enjoyed　my　visit　to　Casa　Salvi；　and　what　I　thought　of　the　padrona。



〃I　think　half　a　dozen　things；〃　I　said；　〃but　I　can　only　tell　you　one　

now。　　She's　an　enchantress。　　You　shall　hear　the　rest　when　we　have　

left　the　church。〃



〃An　enchantress？〃　repeated　Stanmer；　looking　at　me　askance。



He　is　a　very　simple　youth；　but　who　am　I　to　blame　him？



〃A　charmer；〃　I　said　〃a　fascinatress！〃



He　turned　away；　staring　at　the　altar　candles。



〃An　artistan　actress；〃　I　went　on；　rather　brutally。



He　gave　me　another　glance。



〃I　think　you　are　telling　me　all；〃　he　said。



〃No；　no；　there　is　more。〃　　And　we　sat　a　long　time　in　silence。



At　last　he　proposed　that　we　should　go　out；　and　we　passed　in　the　

street；　where　the　shadows　had　begun　to　stretch　themselves。



〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean　by　her　being　an　actress；〃　he　said；　as　we　

turned　homeward。



〃I　suppose　not。　　Neither　should　I　have　known；　if　any　one　had　said　

that　to　me。〃



〃You　are　thinking　about　the　mother；〃　said　Stanmer。　　〃Why　are　you　

always　bringing　HER　in？〃



〃My　dear　boy；　the　analogy　is　so　great　it　forces　itself　upon　me。〃



He　stopped　and　stood　looking　at　me　with　his　modest；　perplexed　young　

face。　　I　thought　he　was　going　to　exclaim〃The　analogy　be　hanged！〃

but　he　said　after　a　moment　…



〃Well；　what　does　it　prove？〃



〃I　can't　say　it　proves　anything；　but　it　suggests　a　great　many　

things。〃



〃Be　so　good　as　to　mention　a　few；〃　he　said；　as　we　walked　on。



〃You　are　not　sure　of　her　yourself；〃　I　began。



〃Never　mind　thatgo　on　with　your　analogy。〃



〃That's　a　part　of　it。　　You　ARE　very　much　in　love　with　her。〃



〃That's　a　part　of　it　too；　I　suppose？〃



〃Yes；　as　I　have　told　you　before。　　You　are　in　love　with　her；　and　yet　

you　can't　make　her　out；　that's　just　where　I　was　with　regard　to　Madame　

de　Salvi。〃



〃And　she　too　was　an　enchantress；　an　actress；　an　artist；　and　all　the　

rest　of　it？〃



〃She　was　the　most　perfect　coquette　I　ever　knew；　and　the　most　

dangerous；　because　the　most　finished。〃



〃What　you　mean；　then；　is　that　her　daughter　is　a　finished　coquette？〃



〃I　rather　think　so。〃



Stanmer　walked　along　for　some　moments　in　silence。



〃Seeing　that　you　suppose　me　to　be　aa　great　admirer　of　the　

Countess；〃　he　said　at　last；　〃I　am　rather　surprised　at　the　freedom　

with　which　you　speak　of　her。〃



I　confessed　that　I　was　surprised　at　it　myself。　　〃But　it's　on　account　

of　the　interest　I　take　in　you。〃



〃I　am　immensely　obliged　to　you！〃　said　the　poor　boy。



〃Ah；　of　course　you　don't　like　it。　　That　is；　you　like　my　interestI　

don't　see　how　you　can　help　liking　that；　but　you　don't　like　my　

freedom。　　That's　natural　enough；　but；　my　dear　young　friend；　I　want　

only　to　help　you。　　If　a　man　had　said　to　meso　many　years　agowhat　I　

am　saying　to　you；　I　should　certainly　also；　at　first；　have　thought　him　

a　great　brute。　　But　after　a　little；　I　should　have　been　gratefulI　

should　have　felt　that　he　was　helping　me。〃



〃You　seem　to　have　been　very　well　able　to　help　yourself；〃　said　

Stanmer。　　〃You　tell　me　you　made　your　escape。〃



〃Yes；　but　it　was　at　the　cost　of　infinite　perplexityof　what　I　may　

call　keen　suffering。　　I　should　like　to　save　you　all　that。〃



〃I　can　only　repeatit　is　really　very　kind　of　you。〃



〃Don't　repeat　it　too　often；　or　I　shall　begin　to　think　you　don't　mean　

it。〃



〃Well；〃　said　Stanmer；　〃I　think　this；　at　any　ratethat　you　take　an　

extraordinary　responsibility　in　trying　to　put　a　man　out　of　conceit　of　

a　woman　who；　as　he　believes；　may　make　him　very　happy。〃



I　grasped　his　arm；　and　we　stopped；　going　on　with　our　talk　like　a　

couple　of　Florentines。



〃Do　you　wish　to　marry　her？〃



He　looked　away；　without　meeting　my　eyes。　　〃It's　a　great　

responsibility；〃　he　repeated。



〃Before　Heaven；〃　I　said；　〃I　would　have　married　the　mother！　　You　are　

exactly　in　my　situation。〃



〃Don't　you　think　you　rather　overdo　the　analogy？〃　asked　poor　Stanmer。



〃A　little　more；　a　little　lessit　doesn't　matter。　　I　believe　you　are　

in　my　shoes。　　But　of　course　if　you　prefer　it；　I　will　beg　a　thousand　

pardons　and　leave　them　to　carry　you　where　they　will。〃



He　had　been　looking　away；　but　now　he　slowly　turned　his　face　and　met　

my　eyes。　　〃You　have　gone　too　far　to　retreat；　what　is　it　you　know　

about　her？〃



〃About　this　onenothing。　　But　about　the　other〃



〃I　care　nothing　about　the　other！〃



〃My　dear　fellow；〃　I　said；　〃they　are　mother　and　daughterthey　are　as　

like　as　two　of　Andrea's　Madonnas。〃



〃If　they　resemble　each　other；　then；　you　were　simply　mistaken　in　the　

mother。〃



I　took　his　arm　and　we　walked　on　again；　there　seemed　no　adequate　reply　

to　such　a　charge。　　〃Your　state　of　mind　brings　back　my　own　so　

completely；〃　I　said　presently。　　〃You　admire　heryou　adore　her；　and　

yet；　secretly；　you　mistrust　her。　　You　are　enchanted　with　her　personal　

charm；　her　grace；　her　wit；　her　everything；　and　yet　in　your　private　

heart　you　are　afraid　of　her。〃



〃Afraid　of　her？〃



〃Your　mistrust　keeps　rising　to　the　surface；　you　can't　rid　yourself　of　

the　suspicion　that　at　the　bottom　of　all　things　she　is　hard　and　cruel；　

and　you　would　be　immensely　relieved　if　some　one　should　persuade　you　

that　your　suspicion　is　right。〃



Stanmer　made　no　direct　reply　to　this；　but　before　we　reached　the　hotel　

he　said〃What　did　you　ever　know　about　the　mother？〃



〃It's　a　terrible　story；〃　I　answered。



He　looked　at　me　askance。　　〃What　did　she　do？〃



〃Come　to　my　rooms　this　evening　and　I　will　tell　you。〃



He　declared　he　would；　but　he　never　came。　　Exactly　the　way　I　should　

have　acted！



14th。I　went　again；　last　evening；　to　Casa　Salvi；　where　I　found　the　

same　little　circle；　with　the　addition　of　a　couple　of　ladies。　　Stanmer　

was　there；　trying　hard　to　talk　to　one　of　them；　but　making；　I　am　sure；　

a　very　poor　business　of　it。　　The　Countesswell；　the　Countess　was　

admirable。　　She　greeted　me　like　a　friend　of　ten　years；　toward　whom　

familiarity　should　not　have　engendered　a　want　of　ceremony；　she　made　

me　sit　near　her；　and　she　asked　me　a　dozen　questions　about　my　health　

and　my　occupations。



〃I　live　in　the　past；〃　I　said。　　〃I　go　into　the　galleries；　into　the　old　

palaces　and　the　churches。　　Today　I　spent　an　hour　in　Michael　Angelo's　

chapel　at　San　Loreozo。〃



〃Ah　yes；　that's　the　past；〃　said　the　Countess。　　〃Those　things　are　very　

old。〃



〃Twenty…seven　years　old；〃　I　answered。



〃Twenty…seven？　　Altro！〃



〃I　mean　my　own　past；〃　I　said。　　〃I　went　to　a　great　many　of　those　

places　with　your　mother。〃



〃Ah；　the　pictures　are　beautiful；〃　murmured　the　Countess；　glancing　at　

Stanmer。



〃Have　you　lately　looked　at　any　of　them？〃　I　asked。　　〃Have　you　gone　to　

the　galleries　with　HIM？〃



She　hesitated　a　moment；　smiling。　　〃It　seems　to　me　that　your　question　

is　a　little　impertinent。　　But　I　think　you　are　like　that。〃



〃A　little　impertinent？　　Never。　　As　I　say；　your　mother　did　me　the　

honour；　more　than　once；　to　accompany　me　to　the　Uffizzi。〃



〃My　mother　must　have　been　very　kind　to　you。〃



〃So　it　seemed　to　me　at　the　time。〃



〃At　the　time　only？〃



〃Well；　if　you　prefer；　so　it　seems　to　me　now。〃



〃Eh；〃　said　the　Countess；　〃she　made　sacrifices。〃



〃To　what；　cara　Signora？　　She　was　perfectly　free。　　Your　lamented　

father　was　deadand　she　had　not　yet　contracted　her　second　marriage。〃



〃If　she　was　intending　to　marry　again；　it　was　all　the　more　reason　she　

should　have　been　careful。〃



I　looked　at　her　a　moment；　she　met　my　eyes　gravely；　over　the　top　of　

her　fan。　　〃Are　YOU　very　careful？〃　I　said。



She　dropped　her　fan　with　a　certain　violence。　　〃Ah；　yes；　you　are　

impertinent！〃



〃Ah　no；〃　I　said。　　〃Remember　that　I　am　old　enough　to　be　your　father；　

that　I　knew　you　when　you　were　three　years　old。　　I　may　surely　ask　such　

questions。　　But　you　are　right；　one　must　do　your　mother　justice。　　She　

was　certainly　thinking　of　her　second　marriage。〃



〃You　have　not　forgiven　her　that！〃　said　the　Countess；　very　gravely。



〃Have　you？〃　I　asked；　more　lightly。



〃I　don't　judge　my　mother。　　That　is　a　mortal　sin。　　My　stepfather　was　

very　kind　to　me。〃



〃I　remember　him；〃　I　said；　〃I　saw　him　a　great　many　timesyour　mother　

already　received　him。〃



My　hostess　sat　with　lowered　eyes；　saying　nothing；　but　she　presently　

looked　up。



〃She　was　very　unhappy　with　my　father。〃



〃That　I　can　easily　believe。　　And　your　stepfatheris　he　still　

living？〃



〃He　diedbefore　my　mother。〃



〃Did　he　fight　any　more　duels？〃



〃He　was　killed　in　a　duel；〃　said　the　Countess；　discreetly。



It　seems　almost　monstrous；　especially　as　I　can　give　no　reason　for　it…

…but　this　announcement；　instead　of　shocking