a treatise on parents and children-第4部分

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smells；　and　disorders　that　would　make　an　adult　of　fifty　utterly

miserable；　whilst　on　the　other　hand　such　adults　find　a　tranquil

happiness　in　conditions　which　to　children　mean　unspeakable　boredom。

And　since　our　system　is　nevertheless　to　pack　them　all　into　the　same

house　and　pretend　that　they　are　happy；　and　that　this　particular　sort

of　happiness　is　the　foundation　of　virtue；　it　is　found　that　in

discussing　family　life　we　never　speak　of　actual　adults　or　actual

children；　or　of　realities　of　any　sort；　but　always　of　ideals　such　as

The　Home；　a　Mother's　Influence；　a　Father's　Care；　Filial　Piety；　Duty；

Affection；　Family　Life；　etc。　etc。；　which　are　no　doubt　very　comforting

phrases；　but　which　beg　the　question　of　what　a　home　and　a　mother's

influence　and　a　father's　care　and　so　forth　really　come　to　in　practice。

How　many　hours　a　week　of　the　time　when　his　children　are　out　of　bed

does　the　ordinary　bread…winning　father　spend　in　the　company　of　his

children　or　even　in　the　same　building　with　them？　　The　home　may　be　a

thieves'　kitchen；　the　mother　a　procuress；　the　father　a　violent

drunkard；　or　the　mother　and　father　may　be　fashionable　people　who　see

their　children　three　or　four　times　a　year　during　the　holidays；　and

then　not　oftener　than　they　can　help；　living　meanwhile　in　daily　and

intimate　contact　with　their　valets　and　lady's…maids；　whose　influence

and　care　are　often　dominant　in　the　household。　　Affection；　as

distinguished　from　simple　kindliness；　may　or　may　not　exist：　　when　it

does　it　either　depends　on　qualities　in　the　parties　that　would　produce

it　equally　if　they　were　of　no　kin　to　one　another；　or　it　is　a　more　or

less　morbid　survival　of　the　nursing　passion；　for　affection　between

adults　（if　they　are　really　adult　in　mind　and　not　merely　grown…up

children）　and　creatures　so　relatively　selfish　and　cruel　as　children

necessarily　are　without　knowing　it　or　meaning　it；　cannot　be　called

natural：　　in　fact　the　evidence　shews　that　it　is　easier　to　love　the

company　of　a　dog　than　of　a　commonplace　child　between　the　ages　of　six

and　the　beginnings　of　controlled　maturity；　for　women　who　cannot　bear

to　be　separated　from　their　pet　dogs　send　their　children　to　boarding

schools　cheerfully。　　They　may　say　and　even　believe　that　in　allowing

their　children　to　leave　home　they　are　sacrificing　themselves　for　their

children's　good；　but　there　are　very　few　pet　dogs　who　would　not　be　the

better　for　a　month　or　two　spent　elsewhere　than　in　a　lady's　lap　or

roasting　on　a　drawingroom　hearthrug。　　Besides；　to　allege　that　children

are　better　continually　away　from　home　is　to　give　up　the　whole　popular

sentimental　theory　of　the　family；　yet　the　dogs　are　kept　and　the

children　are　banished。







Child　Fanciers



There　is；　however；　a　good　deal　of　spurious　family　affection。　　There　is

the　clannishness　that　will　make　a　dozen　brothers　and　sisters　who

quarrel　furiously　among　themselves　close　up　their　ranks　and　make

common　cause　against　a　brother…in…law　or　a　sister…in…law。　　And　there

is　a　strong　sense　of　property　in　children；　which　often　makes　mothers

and　fathers　bitterly　jealous　of　allowing　anyone　else　to　interfere　with

their　children；　whom　they　may　none　the　less　treat　very　badly。　　And

there　is　an　extremely　dangerous　craze　for　children　which　leads　certain

people　to　establish　orphanages　and　baby　farms　and　schools；　seizing　any

pretext　for　filling　their　houses　with　children　exactly　as　some

eccentric　old　ladies　and　gentlemen　fill　theirs　with　cats。　　In　such

places　the　children　are　the　victims　of　all　the　caprices　of　doting

affection　and　all　the　excesses　of　lascivious　cruelty。　　Yet　the　people

who　have　this　morbid　craze　seldom　have　any　difficulty　in　finding

victims。　　Parents　and　guardians　are　so　worried　by　children　and　so

anxious　to　get　rid　of　them　that　anyone　who　is　willing　to　take　them　off

their　hands　is　welcomed　and　whitewashed。　　The　very　people　who　read

with　indignation　of　Squeers　and　Creakle　in　the　novels　of　Dickens　are

quite　ready　to　hand　over　their　own　children　to　Squeers　and　Creakle；

and　to　pretend　that　Squeers　and　Creakle　are　monsters　of　the　past。　　But

read　the　autobiography　of　Stanley　the　traveller；　or　sit　in　the　company

of　men　talking　about　their　school…days；　and　you　will　soon　find　that

fiction；　which　must；　if　it　is　to　be　sold　and　read；　stop　short　of　being

positively　sickening；　dare　not　tell　the　whole　truth　about　the　people

to　whom　children　are　handed　over　on　educational　pretexts。　　Not　very

long　ago　a　schoolmaster　in　Ireland　was　murdered　by　his　boys；　and　for

reasons　which　were　never　made　public　it　was　at　first　decided　not　to

prosecute　the　murderers。　　Yet　all　these　flogging　schoolmasters　and

orphanage　fiends　and　baby　farmers　are　〃lovers　of　children。〃　　They　are

really　child　fanciers　（like　bird　fanciers　or　dog　fanciers）　by

irresistible　natural　predilection；　never　happy　unless　they　are

surrounded　by　their　victims；　and　always　certain　to　make　their　living

by　accepting　the　custody　of　children；　no　matter　how　many　alternative

occupations　may　be　available。　　And　bear　in　mind　that　they　are　only　the

extreme　instances　of　what　is　commonly　called　natural　affection；

apparently　because　it　is　obviously　unnatural。



The　really　natural　feeling　of　adults　for　children　in　the　long　prosaic

intervals　between　the　moments　of　affectionate　impulse　is　just　that

feeling　that　leads　them　to　avoid　their　care　and　constant　company　as　a

burden　beyond　bearing；　and　to　pretend　that　the　places　they　send　them

to　are　well　conducted；　beneficial；　and　indispensable　to　the　success　of

the　children　in　after　life。　　The　true　cry　of　the　kind　mother　after　her

little　rosary　of　kisses　is　〃Run　away；　darling。〃　　It　is　nicer　than

〃Hold　your　noise；　you　young　devil；　or　it　will　be　the　worse　for　you〃；

but　fundamentally　it　means　the　same　thing：　　that　if　you　compel　an

adult　and　a　child　to　live　in　one　another's　company　either　the　adult　or

the　child　will　be　miserable。　　There　is　nothing　whatever　unnatural　or

wrong　or　shocking　in　this　fact；　and　there　is　no　harm　in　it　if　only　it

be　sensibly　faced　and　provided　for。　　The　mischief　that　it　does　at

present　is　produced　by　our　efforts　to　ignore　it；　or　to　smother　it

under　a　heap　of　sentimental　lies　and　false　pretences。







Childhood　as　a　State　of　Sin



Unfortunately　all　this　nonsense　tends　to　accumulate　as　we　become　more

sympathetic。　　In　many　families　it　is　still　the　custom　to　treat

childhood　frankly　as　a　state　of　sin；　and　impudently　proclaim　the

monstrous　principle　that　little　children　should　be　seen　and　not　heard；

and　to　enforce　a　set　of　prison　rules　designed　solely　to　make

cohabitation　with　children　as　convenient　as　possible　for　adults

without　the　smallest　regard　for　the　interests；　either　remote　or

immediate；　of　the　children。　　This　system　tends　to　produce　a　tough；

rather　brutal；　stupid；　unscrupulous　class；　with　a　fixed　idea　that　all

enjoyment　consists　in　undetected　sinning；　and　in　certain　phases　of

civilization　people　of　this　kind　are　apt　to　get　the　upper　hand　of　more

amiable　and　conscientious　races　and　classes。　　They　have　the　ferocity

of　a　chained　dog；　and　are　proud　of　it。　　But　the　end　of　it　is　that　they

are　always　in　chains；　even　at　the　height　of　their　military　or

political　success：　　they　win　everything　on　condition　that　they　are

afraid　to　enjoy　it。　　Their　civilizations　rest　on　intimidation；　which

is　so　necessary　to　them　that　when　they　cannot　find　anybody　brave

enough　to　intimidate　them　they　intimidate　themselves　and　live　in　a

continual　moral　and　political　panic。　　In　the　end　they　get　found　out

and　bullied。　　But　that　is　not　the　point　that　concerns　us　here；　which

is；　that　they　are　in　some　respects　better　brought　up　than　the　children

of　sentimental　people　who　are　always　anxious　and　miserable　about　their

duty　to　their　children；　and　who　end　by　neither　making　their　children

happy　nor　having　a　tolerable　life　for　themselves。　　A　selfish　tyrant

you　know　where　to　have；　and　he　（or　she）　at　least　does　not　confuse　your

affections；　but　a　conscientious　and　kindly　meddler　may　literally　worry

you　out　of　your　senses。　　It　is　fortunate　that　only　very　few　parents

are　capable　of　doing　what　they　conceive　their　duty　continuously　or

even　at　all；　and　that　still　fewer　are　tough　enough　to　ride　roughshod

over　their　children　at　home。







School



But　please　observe　the　limitation　〃at　home。〃　　What　private　amateur

parental　enterprise　cannot　do　may　be　done　very　effectively　by

organized　professional　enterprise　in　large　institutions　established

for　the　purpose。　　And　it　is　to　such　professional　enterprise　that

parents　hand　over　their　children　when　they　can　afford　it。　　They　send

their　children　to　school；　and　there　is；　on　the　whole；　nothing　on　earth

intended　for　innocent　people　so　horrible　as　a　school。　　To　begin　with；

it　is　a　prison。　　But　it　is　in　some　respects　more　cruel　than　a　prison。

In　a　prison；　for　instance；　you　are　not　forced　to　read　books　written　by

the　warders　and　the　governor　（who　of　course　would　not　be　warders　and

governors　if　they　could　write　readable　books）；　and　beaten　or　otherwise

tormented　if　you　cannot　remember　their　utterly　unmemorable　contents。

In　the　prison　you　are　not　forced　to　sit　listening　to　turnkeys

discoursing　without　charm　or　interest　on　subjects　that　they　dont

understand　and　dont　care　about；　and　are　therefore　incapable　of　making

you　understand　or　care　about。　　In　a　prison　they　may　torture　your　body；

but　they　do　not　torture　your　brains；　and　they　protect　you　against

violence　and　outrage　from　your　fellow　prisoners。　　In　a　school　you　have

none　of　these　advantages。　　With　the　world's　bookshelves　loaded　with

fascinating　and　inspired　books；　the　very　manna　sent　down　from　Heaven

to　feed　your　souls；　you　are　forced　to　read　a　hideous　imposture　called

a　school　book；　written　by　a　man　who　cannot　write：　　a　book　from　which

no　human　being　can　learn　anything：　　a　book　which；　though　you　may

decipher　it；　you　cannot　in　any　fruitful　sense　read；　though　the

enforced　attempt　will　make　you　loathe　the　sight　of　a　book　all　the　rest