idle thoughts of an idle fellow-第14部分

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isbelief。　　Before　the　growing　insight　and　experience　the　diffidence　recedes。　　A　man　rarely　carries　his　shyness　past　the　hobbledehoy　period。　　Even　if　his　own　inward　strength　does　not　throw　it　off；　the　rubbings　of　the　world　generally　smooth　it　down。　　You　scarcely　ever　meet　a　really　shy　manexcept　in　novels　or　on　the　stage；　where；　by　the　bye；　he　is　much　admired；　especially　by　the　women。

There；　in　that　supernatural　land；　he　appears　as　a　fair…haired　and　saintlike　young　manfair　hair　and　goodness　always　go　together　on　the　stage。　　No　respectable　audience　would　believe　in　one　without　the　other。　　I　knew　an　actor　who　mislaid　his　wig　once　and　had　to　rush　on　to　play　the　hero　in　his　own　hair；　which　was　jet…black；　and　the　gallery　howled　at　all　his　noble　sentiments　under　the　impression　that　he　was　the　villain。　　Hethe　shy　young　manloves　the　heroine；　oh　so　devotedly　（but　only　in　asides；　for　he　dare　not　tell　her　of　it）；　and　he　is　so　noble　and　unselfish；　and　speaks　in　such　a　low　voice；　and　is　so　good　to　his　mother；　and　the　bad　people　in　the　play；　they　laugh　at　him　and　jeer　at　him；　but　he　takes　it　all　so　gently；　and　in　the　end　it　transpires　that　he　is　such　a　clever　man；　though　nobody　knew　it；　and　then　the　heroine　tells　him　she　loves　him；　and　he　is　so　surprised；　and　oh；　so　happy！　and　everybody　loves　him　and　asks　him　to　forgive　them；　which　he　does　in　a　few　well…chosen　and　sarcastic　words；　and　blesses　them；　and　he　seems　to　have　generally　such　a　good　time　of　it　that　all　the　young　fellows　who　are　not　shy　long　to　be　shy。　　But　the　really　shy　man　knows　better。　　He　knows　that　it　is　not　quite　so　pleasant　in　reality。　　He　is　not　quite　so　interesting　there　as　in　the　fiction。　　He　is　a　little　more　clumsy　and　stupid　and　a　little　less　devoted　and　gentle；　and　his　hair　is　much　darker；　which；　taken　altogether；　considerably　alters　the　aspect　of　the　case。

The　point　where　he　does　resemble　his　ideal　is　in　his　faithfulness。　　I　am　fully　prepared　to　allow　the　shy　young　man　that　virtue：　　he　is　constant　in　his　love。　　But　the　reason　is　not　far　to　seek。　　The　fact　is　it　exhausts　all　his　stock　of　courage　to　look　one　woman　in　the　face；　and　it　would　be　simply　impossible　for　him　to　go　through　the　ordeal　with　a　second。　　He　stands　in　far　too　much　dread　of　the　whole　female　sex　to　want　to　go　gadding　about　with　many　of　them。　　One　is　quite　enough　for　him。

Now；　it　is　different　with　the　young　man　who　is　not　shy。　　He　has　temptations　which　his　bashful　brother　never　encounters。　　He　looks　around　and　everywhere　sees　roguish　eyes　and　laughing　lips。　　What　more　natural　than　that　amid　so　many　roguish　ayes　and　laughing　lips　he　should　become　confused　and；　forgetting　for　the　moment　which　particular　pair　of　roguish　ayes　and　laughing　lips　it　is　that　he　belongs　to；　go　off　making　love　to　the　wrong　set。　　The　shy　man；　who　never　looks　at　anything　but　his　own　boots；　sees　not　and　is　not　tempted。　　Happy　shy　man！

Not　but　what　the　shy　man　himself　would　much　rather　not　be　happy　in　that　way。　　He　longs　to　〃go　it〃　with　the　others；　and　curses　himself　every　day　for　not　being　able　to。　　He　will　now　and　again；　screwing　up　his　courage　by　a　tremendous　effort；　plunge　into　roguishness。　　But　it　is　always　a　terrible　_fiasco_；　and　after　one　or　two　feeble　flounders　he　crawls　out　again；　limp　and　pitiable。

I　say　〃pitiable；〃　though　I　am　　afraid　he　never　is　pitied。　　There　are　certain　misfortunes　which；　while　inflicting　a　vast　amount　of　suffering　upon　their　victims；　gain　for　them　no　sympathy。　　Losing　an　umbrella；　falling　in　love；　toothache；　black　eyes；　and　having　your　hat　sat　upon　may　be　mentioned　as　a　few　examples；　but　the　chief　of　them　all　is　shyness。　　The　shy　man　is　regarded　as　an　animate　joke。　　His　tortures　are　the　sport　of　the　drawing…room　arena　and　are　pointed　out　and　discussed　with　much　gusto。

〃Look；〃　cry　his　tittering　audience　to　each　other；　〃he's　blushing！〃

〃Just　watch　his　legs；〃　says　one。

〃Do　you　notice　how　he　is　sitting？〃　adds　another：　　〃right　on　the　edge　of　the　chair。〃

〃Seems　to　have　plenty　of　color；〃　sneers　a　military…looking　gentleman。

〃Pity　he's　got　so　many　hands；〃　murmurs　an　elderly　lady；　with　her　own　calmly　folded　on　her　lap。　　〃They　quite　confuse　him。〃

〃A　yard　or　two　off　his　feet　wouldn't　be　a　disadvantage；〃　chimes　in　the　comic　man；　〃especially　as　he　seems　so　anxious　to　hide　them。〃

And　then　another　suggests　that　with　such　a　voice　he　ought　to　have　been　a　sea…captain。　　Some　draw　attention　to　the　desperate　way　in　which　he　is　grasping　his　hat。　　Some　comment　upon　his　limited　powers　of　conversation。　　Others　remark　upon　the　troublesome　nature　of　his　cough。　And　so　on；　until　his　peculiarities　and　the　company　are　both　thoroughly　exhausted。

His　friends　and　relations　make　matters　still　more　unpleasant　for　the　poor　boy　（friends　and　relations　are　privileged　to　be　more　disagreeable　than　other　people）。　　Not　content　with　making　fun　of　him　among　themselves；　they　insist　on　his　seeing　the　joke。　　They　mimic　and　caricature　him　for　his　own　edification。　　One；　pretending　to　imitate　him；　goes　outside　and　comes　in　again　in　a　ludicrously　nervous　manner；　explaining　to　him　afterward　that　that　is　the　way　hemeaning　the　shy　fellowwalks　into　a　room；　or；　turning　to　him　with　〃This　is　the　way　you　shake　hands；〃　proceeds　to　go　through　a　comic　pantomime　with　the　rest　of　the　room；　taking　hold　of　every　one's　hand　as　if　it　were　a　hot　plate　and　flabbily　dropping　it　again。　　And　then　they　ask　him　why　he　blushes；　and　why　he　stammers；　and　why　he　always　speaks　in　an　almost　inaudible　tone；　as　if　they　thought　he　did　it　on　purpose。　　Then　one　of　them；　sticking　out　his　chest　and　strutting　about　the　room　like　a　pouter…pigeon；　suggests　quite　seriously　that　that　is　the　style　he　should　adopt。　　The　old　man　slaps　him　on　the　back　and　says：　　〃Be　bold；　my　boy。　　Don't　be　afraid　of　any　one。〃　　The　mother　says；　〃Never　do　anything　that　you　need　be　ashamed　of；　Algernon；　and　then　you　never　need　be　ashamed　of　anything　you　do；〃　and；　beaming　mildly　at　him；　seems　surprised　at　the　clearness　of　her　own　logic。　　The　boys　tell　him　that　he's　〃worse　than　a　girl；〃　and　the　girls　repudiate　the　implied　slur　upon　their　sex　by　indignantly　exclaiming　that　they　are　sure　no　girl　would　be　half　as　bad。

They　are　quite　right；　no　girl　would　be。　　There　is　no　such　thing　as　a　shy　woman；　or；　at　all　events；　I　have　never　come　across　one；　and　until　I　do　I　shall　not　believe　in　them。　　I　know　that　the　generally　accepted　belief　is　quite　the　reverse。　　All　women　are　supposed　to　be　like　timid；　startled　fawns；　blushing　and　casting　down　their　gentle　eyes　when　looked　at　and　running　away　when　spoken　to；　while　we　man　are　supposed　to　be　a　bold　and　rollicky　lot；　and　the　poor　dear　little　women　admire　us　for　it；　but　are　terribly　afraid　of　us。　　It　is　a　pretty　theory；　but；　like　most　generally　accepted　theories；　mere　nonsense。　　The　girl　of　twelve　is　self…contained　and　as　cool　as　the　proverbial　cucumber；　while　her　brother　of　twenty　stammers　and　stutters　by　her　side。　　A　woman　will　enter　a　concert…room　late；　interrupt　the　performance；　and　disturb　the　whole　audience　without　moving　a　hair；　while　her　husband　follows　her；　a　crushed　heap　of　apologizing　misery。

The　superior　nerve　of　women　in　all　matters　connected　with　love；　from　the　casting　of　the　first　sheep's…eye　down　to　the　end　of　the　honeymoon；　is　too　well　acknowledged　to　need　comment。　　Nor　is　the　example　a　fair　one　to　cite　in　the　present　instance；　the　positions　not　being　equally　balanced。　　Love　is　woman's　business；　and　in　〃business〃　we　all　lay　aside　our　natural　weaknessesthe　shyest　man　I　ever　knew　was　a　photographic　tout。



ON　BABIES。

Oh；　yes；　I　doI　know　a　lot　about　'em。　　I　was　one　myself　once；　though　not　longnot　so　long　as　my　clothes。　　They　were　very　long；　I　recollect；　and　always　in　my　way　when　I　wanted　to　kick。　　Why　do　babies　have　such　yards　of　unnecessary　clothing？　　It　is　not　a　riddle。　　I　really　want　to　know。　　I　never　could　understand　it。　　Is　it　that　the　parents　are　ashamed　of　the　size　of　the　child　and　wish　to　make　believe　that　it　is　longer　than　it　actually　is？　　I　asked　a　nurse　once　why　it　was。　　She　said：

〃Lor'；　sir；　they　always　have　long　clothes；　bless　their　little　hearts。〃

And　when　I　explained　that　her　answer；　although　doing　credit　to　her　feelings；　hardly　disposed　of　my　difficulty；　she　replied：

〃Lor'；　sir；　you　wouldn't　have　'em　in　short　clothes；　poor　little　dears？〃　　And　she　said　it　in　a　tone　that　seemed　to　imply　I　had　suggested　some　unmanly　outrage。

Since　than　I　have　felt　shy　at　making　inquiries　on　the　subject；　and　the　reasonif　reason　there　beis　still　a　mystery　to　me。　　But　indeed；　putting　them　in　any　clothes　at　all　seems　absurd　to　my　mind。　　Goodness　knows　there　is　enough　of　dressing　and　undressing　to　be　gone　through　in　life　without　beginning　it　before　we　need；　and　one　would　think　that　people　who　live　in　bed　might　at　all　events　be　spared　the　torture。　　Why　wake　the　poor　little　wretches　up　in　the　morning　to　take　one　lot　of　clothes　off；　fix　another　lot　on；　and　put　them　to　bed　again；　and　then　at　night　haul　them　out　once　more；　merely　to　change　everything　back？　And　when　all　is　done；　what　difference　is　there；　I　should　like　to　know；　between　a　baby's　night…shirt　and　the　thing　it　wears　in　the　day…time？

Very　likely；　however；　I　am　only　making　myself　ridiculousI　often　do；　so　I　am　informedand　I　will　therefore　say　no　more　upon　this　matter　of　clothes；　except　only　that　it　would　be　of　great　convenience　if　some　fashion　were　adopted　enabling　you　to　tell　a　boy　from　a　girl。

At　present　it　is　most　awkward。　　Neither　hair；　dress；　nor　conversation　affords　the　slightest　clew；　and　you　are　left　to　guess。　　By　some　mysterious　law　of　nature　you　invariably　guess　wrong；　and　are　thereupon　regarded　by　all　the　relatives　and　friends　as　a　mixture　of　fool　and　knave；　the　enormity　of　alluding　to　a　male　babe　as　〃she〃　being　only　equaled　by　the　atrocity　of　referring　to　a　female　infant　as　〃he〃。　Whichever　sex　the　particular　child　in　question　happens　not　to　belong　to　is　considered　as　beneath　contempt；　and　any　mention　of　it　is　taken　as　a　personal　insult　to　the　family。

And　as　you　value　your　fair　name　do　not　attempt　to　get　out　of　the　difficulty　by　talking　of　〃it。〃

There　are　various　methods　by　which　you　may　achieve　ignominy　and　shame。　By　murdering　a　large　and　respected　family　in　cold　blood　and　afterward　depositing　their　bodies　in　the　water　companies'　reservoir；　you　will　gain　much