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                                     420 BC

                                 THE ACHARNIANS

                                by Aristophanes

                              anonymous translator




                CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY



    DICAEOPOLIS

    HERALD

    AMPHITHEUS

    AMBASSADORS

    PSEUDARTABAS

    THEORUS

    DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS

    SLAVE OF EURIPIDES

    EURIPIDES

    LAMACHUS

    A MEGARIAN

    TWO YOUNG GIRLS�察�daughters of the Megarian

    AN INFORMER

    A BOEOTIAN

    NICARCHUS

    SLAVE OF LAMACHUS

    A HUSBANDMAN

    A WEDDING GUEST

    CHORUS OF ACHARNIAN CHARCOAL BURNERS

ACHARIANS

    ��SCENE�此�The Orchestra represents the Pnyx at Athens�察�in the back´

    ground are the usual houses�察�this time three in number�察�belonging

    to Dicaeopolis�察�Euripides�察�and Lamachus respectively。��



  DICAEOPOLIS ��alone��

    What cares have not gnawed at my heart and how few have been the

pleasures in my life� �Four�察�to be exact�察�while my troubles have been

as countless as the grains of sand on the shore� �Let me see� �of what

value to me have been these few pleasures�拭�Ah� �I remember that I was

delighted in soul when Cleon had to cough up those five talents�察�I was

in ecstasy and I love the Knights for this deed�察 �it is an honour to

Greece。; But the day when I was impatiently awaiting a piece by

Aeschylus�察�what tragic despair it caused me when the herald called��

;Theognis�察�introduce your Chorus� ─�Just imagine how this blow struck

straight at my heart� �On the other hand�察�what joy Dexitheus caused

me at the musical competition�察�when right after Moschus he played a

Boeotian melody on the lyre� �But this year by contrast� �Oh� �what

deadly torture to hear Chaeris perform the prelude in the Orthian

mode� �Never�察�however�察�since I began to bathe�察�has the dust hurt my

eyes as it does to´day。 Still it is the day of assembly�察�all should be

here at daybreak�察�and yet the Pnyx is still deserted。 They are

gossiping in the market´place�察�slipping hither and thither to avoid

the vermilioned rope。 The Prytanes even do not come�察�they will be

late�察�but when they come they will push and fight each other for a

seat in the front row。 They will never trouble themselves with the

question of peace。 Oh� �Athens� �Athens� �As for myself�察�I do not fail to

come here before all the rest�察�and now�察�finding myself alone�察�I groan��

yawn�察�stretch�察�fart�察�and know not what to do�察�I make sketches in the

dust�察�pull out my loose hairs�察�muse�察�think of my fields�察�long for

peace�察�curse town life and regret my dear country home�察�which never

told me to ;buy fuel�察�vinegar or oil;�察�there the word ;buy�察─�which

cuts me in two�察�was unknown�察�I harvested everything at will。 Therefore

I have come to the assembly fully prepared to bawl�察�interrupt and

abuse the speakers�察�if they talk of anything but peace。 ��The Orchestra

begins to fill with people。�� But here come the Prytanes�察�and high time

too�察�for it is midday� �There�察�just as I said�察�they are pushing and

fighting for the front seats。

  HERALD ��officiously��

    Step forward�察�step forward�察�get within the consecrated area。

  AMPHITHEUS ��rising��

    Has anyone spoken yet��

  HERALD

    Who asks to speak��

  AMPHITHEUS

    I do。

  HERALD

    Your name��

  AMPHITHEUS

    Amphitheus。

  HERALD

    Are you not a man��

  AMPHITHEUS

    No� �I am an immortal� �Amphitheus was the son of Ceres and

Triptolemus�察�of him was born Celeus�察�Celeus wedded Phaenerete�察�my

grandmother�察�whose son was Lycinus�察�and�察�being born of him I am an

immortal�察�it is to me alone that the gods have entrusted the duty of

treating with the Lacedaemonians。 But�察�citizens�察�though I am immortal��

I am dying of hunger�察�the Prytanes give me nothing。

  HERALD ��calling��

    Officers��

  AMPHITHEUS ��as the Scythian policemen seize him��

    Oh�察�Triptolemus and Celeus�察�do ye thus forsake your own blood��

  DICAEOPOLIS ��rising��

    Prytanes�察�in expelling this citizen�察�you are offering an outrage

to the Assembly。 He only desired to secure peace for us and to sheathe

the sword。

                                  ��The Scythians release Amphitheus。��

  HERALD

    Sit down� �Silence��

  DICAEOPOLIS

    No�察�by Apollo�察�I will not�察�unless you are going to discuss the

question of peace。

  HERALD ��ignoring this�察�loudly��

    The ambassadors�察�who are returned from the Court of the King��

  DICAEOPOLIS

    Of what King�拭�I am sick of all those fine birds�察�the peacock

ambassadors and their swagger。

  HERALD

    Silence��

  DICAEOPOLIS ��as he perceives the entering ambassadors dressed in the

                         Persian mode��

    Oh� �oh� �By Ecbatana�察�what a costume��

  AMBASSADOR ��pompously��

    During the archonship of Euthymenes�察�you sent us to the Great King

on a salary of two drachmae per diem。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    Ah� �those poor drachmae��

  AMBASSADOR

    We suffered horribly on the plains of the Cayster�察�sleeping

under tent�察�stretched deliciously on fine chariots�察�half dead with

weariness。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    And I was very much at ease�察�lying on the straw along the

battlements��

  AMBASSADOR

    Everywhere we were well received and forced to drink delicious

wine out of golden or crystal flagons。。。。。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    Oh�察�city of Cranaus�察�thy ambassadors are laughing at thee��

    AMBASSADOR

    For great feeders and heavy drinkers are alone esteemed as men

by the barbarians。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    Just as here in Athens�察�we only esteem the wenchers and pederasts。

  AMBASSADOR

    At the end of the fourth year we reached the King's Court�察�but

he had left with his whole army to take a crap�察�and for the space of

eight months he was thus sitting on the can in the midst of the golden

mountains。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    And how long did it take him to close his arse�拭�A month��

  AMBASSADOR

    After this he returned to his palace�察�then he entertained us and

had us served with oxen roasted whole in an oven。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    Who ever saw an ox roasted in an oven�拭�What a lie��

  AMBASSADOR

    And one day�察�by Zeus�察�he also had us served with a bird three

times as large as Cleonymus�察�and called the Hoax。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    And do we give you two drachmae�察�that you should hoax us thus��

  AMBASSADOR

    We are bringing to you Pseudartabas�察�the King's Eye。

  DICAEOPOLIS

    I would a crow might pluck out yours with his beak�察�you cursed

ambassador��

  HERALD ��loudly��

    The King's Eye��

    ��Enter PSEUDARTABAS�察�in Persian costume�察�his mask is one great

         eye�察�he is accompanied by two eunuchs。��

  DICAEOPOLIS ��as he sees kim��

    Good God� �Friend�察�with your great eye�察�round like the hole through

which the oarsman passes his sweep�察�you have the air of a galley

doubling a cape to gain port。

  AMBASSADOR

    Come�察�Pseudartabas�察�give forth the message for the Athenians

with which you were charged by the Great King。

  PSEUDARTABAS

    I artamane Xarxas apiaona satra。

  AMBASSADOR ��to DICAEOPOLIS��

    Do you understand what he says��

  DICAEOPOLIS

    God�察�no��

  AMBASSADOR ��to the PRYTANES��

    He says that the Great King will send you gold。 ��to

PSEUDARTABAS�� Come�察�utter the word 'gold' louder and more distinctly。

  PSEUDARTABAS

    Thou shalt not have gold�察�thou gaping´arsed Ionian。

  DICAEOPOLIS

    Ah� �God help us�察�but that's clear enough��

  AMBASSADOR

    What does he say��

  DICAEOPOLIS

    That the Ionians are gaping´arsed�察�if they expect to receive

gold from the barbarians。

  AMBASSADOR

    Not so�察�he speaks of bushels of gold。

  DICAEOPOLIS

    What bushels�拭�You're nothing but a wind´bag�察�get out of the way�察�I

will find out the truth by myself。 ��to PSEUDARTABAS�� Come now��

answer me clearly�察�if you do not wish me to dye your skin red。 Will

the Great King send us gold�拭。�PSEUDARTABAS makes a negative sign。��

Then our ambassadors are seeking to deceive us�拭。�PSEUDARTABAS signs

affirmatively。�� These fellows make signs like any Greek�察�I am sure

that they are nothing but Athenians。 Oh� �ho� �I recognize one of

these eunuchs�察�it is Clisthenes�察�the son of Sibyrtius。 Behold the

effrontery of this shaven and provocative arse� �How�察�you big baboon��

with such a beard do you seek to play the eunuch to us�拭�And this other

one�拭�Is it not Straton��

  HERALD

    Silence� �Sit down� �The Senate invites the King's Eye to the

Prytaneum。

                           ��The AMBASSADORS and PSEUDARTABAS depart。��

  DICAEOPOLIS

    Is this not sufficient to drive a man to hang himself�拭�Here I

stand chilled to the bone�察�whilst the doors of the Prytaneum fly

wide open to lodge such rascals。 But I will do something great and

bold。 Where is Amphitheus�拭�Come and speak with me。

  AMPHITHEUS

    Here I am。

  DICAEOPOLIS

    Take these eight drachmae and go and conclude a truce with the

Lace daemonians for me�察�my wife and my children�察�I leave you free��

my dear Prytanes�察�to send out embassies and to stand gaping in the

air。

                                             ��AMPHITHEUS rushes out。��

  HERALD

    Bring in Theorus�察�who has returned from the Court of Sitalces。

  THEORUS ��rising�察�he wears a Thracian costume。��

    I am here。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    Another humbug��

  THEORUS

    We should not have remained long in Thrace。。。。。

  DICAEOPOLIS

    。。。。if you had not been well paid。

  THEORUS

    。。。。if the country had not been covered with snow�察�the rivers were

    ice´bound。。。。

  DICAEOPOLIS ��aside��

    That was when Theognis produced his tragedy。

  THEORUS

    。。。。during the whole of that time I was holding my own with

Sitalces cup in hand�察�and�察�in truth�察�he adored you to such a degree

that he wrote on the walls�察 �How beautiful are the Athenians� ─�His

son�察�to whom we gave the freedom of the city�察�burned with desire to

come here and eat sausages at the f
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