a house-boat on the styx-第14部分

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whether　this　means　that　it　broke　up　immediately　afterwards　in　a　riot；

or　that　Doctor　Johnson　is　still　at　work　detailing　his　reminiscences；

I　am　not　aware；　and　I　cannot　at　the　moment　of　writing　ascertain；　for

Boswell；　when　I　have　the　pleasure　of　meeting　him；　invariably　avoids

the　subject。







CHAPTER　XI：　　AS　TO　SAURIANS　AND　OTHERS







It　was　Noah　who　spoke。



〃I'm　glad；〃　he　said；　〃that　when　I　embarked　at　the　time　of　the　heavy

rains　that　did　so　much　damage　in　the　old　days；　there　weren't　any　dogs

like　that　fellow　Cerberus　about。　　If　I'd　had　to　feed　a　lot　of　three…

headed　beasts　like　him　the　Ark　would　have　run　short　of　provisions

inside　of　ten　days。〃



〃That's　very　likely　true；〃　observed　Mr。　Barnum；　〃but　I　must　confess；

my　dear　Noah；　that　you　showed　a　lamentable　lack　of　the　showman's

instinct　when　you　selected　the　animals　you　did。　　A　more　commonplace

lot　of　beasts　were　never　gathered　together；　and　while　Adam　is　held

responsible　for　the　introduction　of　sin　into　the　world；　I　attribute

most　of　my　offences　to　none　other　than　yourself。〃



The　members　of　the　club　drew　their　chairs　a　little　closer。　　The

conversation　had　opened　a　trifle　spicily；　and；　furthermore；　they　had

retained　enough　of　their　mortality　to　be　interested　in　animal

stories。　　Adam；　who　had　managed　to　settle　his　back　dues　and

delinquent　house…charges；　and　once　more　acquired　the　privileges　of

the　club；　nodded　his　head　gratefully　at　Mr。　Barnum。



〃I'm　glad　to　find　some　one；〃　said　he；　〃who　places　the　responsibility

for　trouble　where　it　belongs。　　I'm　round…shouldered　with　the　blame

I've　had　to　bear。　　I　didn't　invent　sin　any　more　than　I　invented　the

telephone；　and　I　think　it's　rather　rough　on　a　fellow　who　lived　a

quiet；　retiring；　pastoral　life；　minding　his　own　business　and　staying

home　nights；　to　be　held　up　to　public　reprobation　for　as　long　a　time

as　I　have。〃



〃It'll　be　all　right　in　time；〃　said　Raleigh；　〃just　waitbe　patient；

and　your　vindication　will　come。　　Nobody　thought　much　of　the　plays

Bacon　and　I　wrote　for　Shakespeare　until　Shakespeare　'd　been　dead　a

century。〃



〃Humph！〃　said　Adam；　gloomily。　　〃Wait！　　What　have　I　been　doing　all

this　time？　　I've　waited　all　the　time　there's　been　so　far；　and　until

Mr。　Barnum　spoke　as　he　did　I　haven't　observed　the　slightest

inclination　on　the　part　of　anybody　to　rehabilitate　my　lost

reputation。　　Nor　do　I　see　exactly　how　it's　to　come　about　even　if　I　do

wait。〃



〃You　might　apply　for　an　investigating　committee　to　look　into　the

charges；〃　suggested　an　American　politician；　just　over。　　〃Get　your

friends　on　it；　and　you'll　be　all　right。〃



〃Better　let　sleeping　dogs　lie；〃　said　Blackstone。



〃I　intend　to；〃　said　Adam。　　〃The　fact　is；　I　hate　to　give　any　further

publicity　to　the　matter。　　Even　if　I　did　bring　the　case　into　court　and

sue　for　libel；　I've　only　got　one　witness　to　prove　my　innocence；　and

that's　my　wife。　　I'm　not　going　to　drag　her　into　it。　　She's　got

nervous　prostration　over　her　position　as　it　is；　and　this　would　make

it　worse。　　Queen　Elizabeth　and　the　rest　of　these　snobs　in　society

won't　invite　her　to　any　of　their　functions　because　they　say　she

hadn't　any　grandfather；　and　even　if　she　were　received　by　them；　she'd

be　uncomfortable　going　about。　　It　isn't　pleasant　for　a　woman　to　feel

that　every　one　knows　she's　the　oldest　woman　in　the　room。〃



〃Well；　take　my　word　for　it；〃　said　Raleigh；　kindly。　　〃It'll　all　come

out　all　right。　　You　know　the　old　saying；　'History　repeats　itself。'

Some　day　you　will　be　living　back　in　Eden　again；　and　if　you　are　only

careful　to　make　an　exact　record　of　all　you　do；　and　have　a　notary

present；　before　whom　you　can　make　an　affidavit　as　to　the　facts；　you

will　be　able　to　demonstrate　your　innocence。〃



〃I　was　only　condemned　on　hearsay　evidence；　anyhow；〃　said　Adam；

ruefully。



〃Nonsense；　you　were　caught　red…handed；〃　said　Noah；　〃my　grandfather

told　me　so。　　And　now　that　I've　got　a　chance　to　slip　in　a　word

edgewise；　I'd　like　mightily　to　have　you　explain　your　statement；　Mr。

Barnum；　that　I　am　responsible　for　your　errors。　　That　is　a　serious

charge　to　bring　against　a　man　of　my　reputation。〃



〃I　mean　simply　this：　　that　to　make　a　show　interesting；〃　said　Mr。

Barnum；　〃a　man　has　got　to　provide　interesting　materials；　that's　all。

I　do　not　mean　to　say　a　word　that　is　in　any　way　derogatory　to　your

morality。　　You　were　a　surprisingly　good　man　for　a　sea…captain；　and

with　the　exception　of　that　one　occasion　when　youahyou　allowed

yourself　to　be　stranded　on　the　bar；　if　I　may　so　put　it；　I　know　of

nothing　to　be　said　against　you　as　a　moral；　temperate　person。〃



〃That　was　only　an　accident；〃　said　Noah；　reddening。　　〃You　can't　expect

a　man　six　hundred　odd　years　of　age〃



〃Certainly　not；〃　said　Raleigh；　soothingly；　〃and　nobody　thinks　less　of

you　for　it。　　Considering　how　you　must　have　hated　the　sight　of　water；

the　wonder　of　it　is　that　it　didn't　become　a　fixed　habit。　　Let　us　hear

what　it　is　that　Mr。　Barnum　does　criticise　in　you。〃



〃His　taste；　that's　all；〃　said　Mr。　Barnum。　　〃I　contend　that；　compared

to　the　animals　he　might　have　had；　the　ones　he　did　have　were　as　ant…

hills　to　Alps。　　There　were　more　magnificent　zoos　allowed　to　die　out

through　Noah's　lack　of　judgment　than　one　likes　to　think　of。　　Take　the

Proterosaurus；　for　instance。　　Where　on　earth　do　we　find　his　equal　to…

day？〃



〃You　ought　to　be　mighty　glad　you　can't　find　one　like　him；〃　put　in

Adam。　　〃If　you'd　spent　a　week　in　the　Garden　of　Eden　with　me；　with

lizards　eight　feet　long　dropping　out　of　the　trees　on　to　your　lap

while　you　were　trying　to　take　a　Sunday…afternoon　nap；　you'd　be

willing　to　dispense　with　things　of　that　sort　for　the　balance　of　your

natural　life。　　If　you　want　to　get　an　idea　of　that　experience　let

somebody　drop　a　calf　on　you　some　afternoon。〃



〃I　am　not　saying　anything　about　that；〃　returned　Barnum。　　〃It　would　be

unpleasant　to　have　an　elephant　drop　on　one　after　the　fashion　of　which

you　speak；　but　I　am　glad　the　elephant　was　saved　just　the　same。　　I

haven't　advocated　the　Proterosaurus　as　a　Sunday…afternoon　surprise；

but　as　an　attraction　for　a　show。　　I　still　maintain　that　a　lizard　as

big　as　a　cow　would　prove　a　lodestone；　the　drawing　powers　of　which　the

pocket…money　of　the　small　boy　would　be　utterly　unable　to　resist。

Then　there　was　the　Iguanadon。　　He'd　have　brought　a　fortune　to　the

box…office〃



〃Which　you'd　have　immediately　lost；〃　retorted　Noah；　〃paying　rent。

When　you　get　a　reptile　of　his　size；　that　reaches　thirty　feet　up　into

the　air　when　he　stands　on　his　hind…legs；　the　ordinary　circus　wagon　of

commerce　can't　be　made　to　hold　him；　and　your　menagerie…room　has　to

have　ceilings　so　high　that　every　penny　he　brought　to　the　box…office

would　be　spent　storing　him。〃



〃Mischievous；　too；〃　said　Adam；　〃that　Iguanadon。　　You　couldn't　keep

anything　out　of　his　reach。　　We　used　to　forbid　animals　of　his　kind　to

enter　the　garden；　but　that　didn't　bother　him；　he'd　stand　up　on　his

hind…legs　and　reach　over　and　steal　anything　he'd　happen　to　want。〃



〃I　could　have　used　him　for　a　fire…escape；〃　said　Mr。　Barnum；　〃and　as

for　my　inability　to　provide　him　with　quarters；　I'd　have　met　that

problem　after　a　short　while。　　I've　always　lamented　the　absence；　too；

of　the　Megalosaurus〃



〃Which　simply　shows　how　ignorant　you　are；〃　retorted　Noah。　　〃Why；　my

dear　fellow；　it　would　have　taken　the　whole　of　an　ordinary　zoo　such　as

yours　to　give　the　Megalosaurus　a　lunch。　　Those　fellows　would　eat　a

rhinoceros　as　easily　as　you'd　crack　a　peanut。　　I　did　have　a　couple　of

Megalosaurians　on　my　boat　for　just　twenty…four　hours；　and　then　I

chucked　them　both　overboard。　　If　I'd　kept　them　ten　days　longer　they'd

have　eaten　every　blessed　beast　I　had　with　me；　and　your　Zoo　wouldn't

have　had　anything　else　but　Megalosaurians。〃



〃Papa　is　right　about　that；　Mr。　Barnum；〃　said　Shem。　　〃The　whole

Saurian　tribe　was　a　fearful　nuisance。　　About　four　hundred　years

before　the　flood　I　had　a　pet　Creosaurus　that　I　kept　in　our　barn。　　He

was　a　cunning　little　devilfull　of　tricks；　and　all　that；　but　we

never　could　keep　a　cow　or　a　horse　on　the　place　while　he　was　about。

They'd　mysteriously　disappear；　and　we　never　knew　what　became　of　'em

until　one　morning　we　surprised　Fido　in〃



〃Surprised　who？〃　asked　Doctor　Johnson；　scornfully。



〃Fido；〃　returned　Shem。　　〃'That　was　my　Creosaurus's　name。〃



〃Lord　save　us！　　Fido！〃　cried　Johnson。　　〃What　a　name　for　a

Creosaurus！〃



〃Well；　what　of　it？〃　asked　Shem；　angrily。　　〃You　wouldn't　have　us　call

a　mastodon　like　that　Fanny；　would　you；　or　Tatters？〃



〃Go　on；〃　said　Johnson；　〃I've　nothing　to　say。〃



〃Shall　I　send　for　a　physician？〃　put　in　Boswell；　looking　anxiously　at

his　chief；　the　situation　was　so　extraordinary。



Solomon　and　Carlyle　giggled；　and　the　Doctor　having　politely　requested

Boswell　to　go　to　a　warmer　section　of　the　country；　Shem　resumed。



〃I　caught　him　in　the　act　of　swallowing　five　cows　and　Ham's　favorite

trotter；　sulky　and　all。〃



Baron　Munchausen　rose　up　and　left　the　room。



〃If　they're　going　to　lie　I'm　going　to　get　out；〃　he　said；　as　he　passed

through　the　room。



〃What　became　of　Fido？〃　asked　Boswell。



〃The　sulky　killed　him；〃　returned　Shem；　innocently。　　〃He　couldn't

digest　the　wheels。〃



Noah　looked　approvingly　at　his　son；　and；　turning　to　Barnum；　observed；

quietly：



〃What　he　says　is　true；　and　I　will　go　further　and　say　that　it　is　my

belief　that　you　would　have　found　the　show　business　impossible　if　I

had　taken　that　sort　of　creature　aboard。　　You'd　have　got　mightily

discouraged　after　your　Antediluvians　had　chewed　up　a　few　dozen　steam

calliopes；　and　eaten　every　other　able…bodied　exhibit　you　had　managed

to　secure。　　I'd　have　tried　to　save　a　couple　of　Discosaurians　if　I

hadn't　supposed　they　were　able　to　take　care　of　themselves。　　A

combination　of　sea…serpent　and　dragon；　with　a　neck　twenty…two　feet

long；　it　seemed　to　me；　ought　to　have　been　able　to　ride　out　any　storm

or　fall　of　rain；　but　there　I　was　wrong；　and　I　am　free　to