a house-boat on the styx-第9部分

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some　other　spookwho　rejected　you。　　I　can't　account　for　your　dislike

of　women　otherwise。〃



〃Not　I；〃　said　Confucius。　　〃Hades　would　have　a　less　classic　name　than

it　has　for　me　if　I　were　hampered　with　a　family。　　But　go　along　and

have　your　ladies'　day　here；　and　never　mind　my　reasons　for　preferring

my　own　society　to　that　of　the　fair　sex。　　I　can　at　least　stay　at　home

that　day。　　What　do　you　propose　to　dothrow　open　the　house　to　the

wives　of　members；　or　to　all　ladies；　irrespective　of　their　husbands'

membership　here？〃



〃I　think　the　latter　plan　would　be　the　better；〃　said　Raleigh。

〃Otherwise　Queen　Elizabeth；　to　whom　I　am　indebted　for　the　suggestion；

would　be　excluded。　　She　never　married；　you　know。〃



〃Didn't　she？〃　said　Confucius。　　〃No；　I　didn't　know　it；　but　that

doesn't　prove　anything。　　When　I　went　to　school　we　didn't　study　the

history　of　the　Elizabethan　period。　　She　didn't　have　absolute　sway

over　England；　then？〃



〃She　had；　but　what　of　that？〃　queried　Raleigh。



〃Do　you　mean　to　say　that　she　lived　and　died　an　old　maid　from　choice？〃

demanded　Confucius。



〃Certainly　I　do；〃　said　Raleigh。　　〃And　why　should　I　not　tell　you

that？〃



〃For　a　very　good　and　sufficient　reason；〃　retorted　Confucius；　〃which

is；　in　brief；　that　I　am　not　a　marine。　　I　may　dislike　women；　my　dear

Raleigh；　but　I　know　them　better　than　you　do；　gallant　as　you　are；　and

when　you　tell　me　in　one　and　the　same　moment　that　a　woman　holding

absolute　sway　over　men　yet　lived　and　died　an　old　maid；　you　must　not

be　indignant　if　I　smile　and　bite　the　end　of　my　thumb；　which　is　the

Chinese　way　of　saying　that's　all　in　your　eye；　Betty　Martin。〃



〃Believe　it　or　not；　you　poor　old　back　number；〃　retorted　Raleigh；

hotly。　　〃It　alters　nothing。　　Queen　Elizabeth　could　have　married　a

hundred　times　over　if　she　had　wished。　　I　know　I　lost　my　head　there

completely。〃



〃That　shows；　Sir　Walter；〃　said　Dryden；　with　a　grin；　〃how　wrong　you

are。　　You　lost　your　head　to　King　James。　　Hi！　　Shakespeare；　here's　a

man　doesn't　know　who　chopped　his　head　off。〃



Raleigh's　face　flushed　scarlet。　　〃'Tis　better　to　have　had　a　head　and

lost　it；〃　he　cried；　〃than　never　to　have　had　a　head　at　all！　　Mark　you；

Dryden；　my　boy；　it　ill　befits　you　to　scoff　at　me　for　my　misfortune；

for　dust　thou　art；　and　to　dust　thou　hast　returned；　if　word　from

t'other　side　about　thy　books　and　that　which　in　and　on　them　lies　be

true。〃



〃Whate'er　be　said　about　my　books；〃　said　Dryden；　angrily；　〃be　they

read　or　be　they　not；　'tis　mine　they　are；　and　none　there　be　who　dare

dispute　their　authorship。〃



〃Thus　proving　that　men；　thank　Heaven；　are　still　sane；〃　ejaculated

Doctor　Johnson。　　〃To　assume　the　authorship　of　Dryden　would　be　not　so

much　a　claim；　my　friend；　as　a　confession。〃



〃Shades　of　the　mighty　Chow！〃　cried　Confucius。　　〃An'　will　ye　hear　the

poets　squabble！　　Egad！　　A　ladies'　day　could　hardly　introduce　into　our

midst　a　more　diverting　disputation。〃



〃We're　all　getting　a　little　high…flown　in　our　phraseology；〃　put　in

Shakespeare　at　this　point。　　〃Let's　quit　talking　in　blank…verse　and

come　down　to　business。　　_I_　think　a　ladies'　day　would　be　great　sport。

I'll　write　a　poem　to　read　on　the　occasion。〃



〃Then　I　oppose　it　with　all　my　heart；〃　said　Doctor　Johnson。　　〃Why　do

you　always　want　to　make　our　entertainments　commonplace？　　Leave

occasional　poems　to　mortals。　　I　never　knew　an　occasional　poem　yet

that　was　worthy　of　an　immortal。〃



〃That's　precisely　why　I　want　to　write　one　occasional　poem。　　I'd　make

it　worthy；〃　Shakespeare　answered。　　〃Like　this；　for　instance：





Most　fair；　most　sweet；　most　beauteous　of　ladies；

The　greatest　charm　in　all　ye　realm　of　Hades。





Why；　my　dear　Doctor；　such　an　opportunity　for　rhyming　Hades　with

ladies　should　not　be　lost。〃



〃That　just　proves　what　I　said；〃　said　Johnson。　　〃Any　idiot　can　make

ladies　rhyme　with　Hades。　　It　requires　absolute　genius　to　avoid　the

temptation。　　You　are　great　enough　to　make　Hades　rhyme　with　bicycle　if

you　choose　to　do　itbut　no；　you　succumb　to　the　temptation　to　be

commonplace。　　Bah！　　One　of　these　modern　drawing…room　poets　with　three

sections　to　his　name　couldn't　do　worse。〃



〃On　general　principles；〃　said　Raleigh；　〃Johnson　is　right。　　We　invite

these　people　here　to　see　our　club…house；　not　to　give　them　an

exhibition　of　our　metrical　powers；　and　I　think　all　exercises　of　a

formal　nature　should　be　frowned　upon。〃



〃Very　well；〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃Go　ahead。　　Have　your　own　way　about

it。　　Get　out　your　brow　and　frown。　　I'm　perfectly　willing　to　save

myself　the　trouble　of　writing　a　poem。　　Writing　real　poetry　isn't

easy；　as　you　fellows　would　have　discovered　for　yourselves　if　you'd

ever　tried　it。〃



〃To　pass　over　the　arrogant　assumption　of　the　gentleman　who　has　just

spoken；　with　the　silence　due　to　a　proper　expression　of　our　contempt

therefor；〃　said　Dryden；　slowly；　〃I　think　in　case　we　do　have　a　ladies'

day　here　we　should　exercise　a　most　careful　supervision　over　the

invitation　list。　　For　instance；　wouldn't　it　be　awkward　for　our　good

friend　Henry　the　Eighth　to　encounter　the　various　Mrs。　Henrys　here？

Would　it　not　likewise　be　awkward　for　them　to　meet　each　other？〃



〃Your　point　is　well　taken；〃　said　Doctor　Johnson。　　〃I　don't　know

whether　the　King's　matrimonial　ventures　are　on　speaking　terms　with

each　other　or　not；　but　under　any　circumstances　it　would　hardly　be　a

pleasing　spectacle　for　Katharine　of　Arragon　to　see　Henry　running　his

legs　off　getting　cream　and　cakes　for　Anne　Boleyn；　nor　would　Anne　like

it　much　if；　on　the　other　hand；　Henry　chose　to　behave　like　a　gentleman

and　a　husband　to　Jane　Seymour　or　Katharine　Parr。　　I　think；　if　the

members　themselves　are　to　send　out　the　invitations；　they　should　each

be　limited　to　two　cards；　with　the　express　understanding　that　no

member　shall　be　permitted　to　invite　more　than　one　wife。〃



〃That's　going　to　be　awkward；〃　said　Raleigh；　scratching　his　head

thoughtfully。　　〃Henry　is　such　a　hot…headed　fellow　that　he　might

resent　the　stipulation。〃



〃I　think　he　would；〃　said　Confucius。　　〃I　think　he'd　be　as　mad　as　a

hatter　at　your　insinuation　that　he　would　invite　any　of　his　wives；　if

all　I　hear　of　him　is　true；　and　what　I've　heard；　Wolsey　has　told　me。〃



〃He　knew　a　thing　or　two　about　Henry；〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃If　you

don't　believe　it；　just　read　that　play　of　mine　that　Beaumont　and

Fletchererahthought　so　much　of。〃



〃You　came　near　giving　your　secret　away　that　time；　William；〃　said

Johnson；　with　a　sly　smile；　and　giving　the　Avonian　a　dig　between　the

ribs。



〃Secret！　　I　haven't　any　secret；〃　said　Shakespeare；　a　little　acridly。

〃It's　the　truth　I'm　telling　you。　　Beaumont　and　Fletcher　DID　admire

Henry　the　Eighth。〃



〃Thereby　showing　their　conceit；　eh？〃　said　Johnson。



〃Oh；　of　course；　I　didn't　write　anything；　did　I？〃　cried　Shakespeare。

〃Everybody　wrote　my　plays　but　me。　　I'm　the　only　person　that　had　no

hand　in　Shakespeare。　　It　seems　to　me　that　joke　is　about　worn　out；

Doctor。　　I'm　getting　a　little　tired　of　it　myself；　but　if　it　amuses

you；　why；　keep　it　up。　　_I_　know　who　wrote　my　plays；　and　whatever　you

may　say　cannot　affect　the　facts。　　Next　thing　you　fellows　will　be

saying　that　I　didn't　write　my　own　autographs？〃



〃I　didn't　say　that；〃　said　Johnson；　quietly。　　〃Only　there　is　no

internal　evidence　in　your　autographs　that　you　knew　how　to　spell　your

name　if　you　did。　　A　man　who　signs　his　name　Shixpur　one　day　and

Shikespeare　the　next　needn't　complain　if　the　Bank　of　Posterity

refuses　to　honor　his　check。〃



〃They'd　honor　my　check　quick　enough　these　days；〃　retorted

Shakespeare。　　〃When　a　man's　autograph　brings　five　thousand　dollars；

or　one　thousand　pounds；　in　the　auction…room；　there　isn't　a　bank　in

the　world　fool　enough　to　decline　to　honor　any　check　he'll　sign　under

a　thousand　dollars；　or　two　hundred　pounds。〃



〃I　fancy　you're　right；〃　put　in　Raleigh。　　〃But　your　checks　or　your

plays　have　nothing　to　do　with　ladies'　day。　　Let's　get　to　some

conclusion　in　this　matter。〃



〃Yes；〃　said　Confucius。　　〃Let's。　　Ladies'　day　is　becoming　a　dreadful

bore；　and　if　we　don't　hurry　up　the　billiard…room　will　be　full。〃



〃Well；　I　move　we　get　up　a　petition　to　the　council　to　have　it；〃　said

Dryden。



〃I　agree；〃　said　Confucius；　〃and　I'll　sign　it。　　If　there's　one　way　to

avoid　having　ladies'　day　in　the　future；　it's　to　have　one　now　and　be

done　with　it。〃



〃All　right；〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃I'll　sign　too。〃



〃AserShixpur　or　Shikespeare？〃　queried　Johnson。



〃Let　him　alone；〃　said　Raleigh。　　〃He's　getting　sensitive　about　that；

and　what　you　need　to　learn　more　than　anything　else　is　that　it　isn't

manners　to　twit　a　man　on　facts。　　What's　bothering　you；　Dryden？　　You

look　like　a　man　with　an　idea。〃



〃It　has　just　occurred　to　me；〃　said　Dryden；　〃that　while　we　can　safely

leave　the　question　of　Henry　the　Eighth　and　his　wives　to　the　wisdom　of

the　council；　we　ought　to　pay　some　attention　to　the　advisability　of

inviting　Lucretia　Borgia。　　I'd　hate　to　eat　any　supper　if　she　came

within　a　mile　of　the　banqueting…hall。　　If　she　comes　you'll　have　to

appoint　a　tasting　committee　before　I'll　touch　a　drop　of　punch　or　eat

a　speck　of　salad。〃



〃We　might　recommend　the　appointment　of　Raleigh　to　look　after　the　fair

Lucretia　and　see　that　she　has　no　poison　with　her；　or　if　she　has；　to

keep　her　from　dropping　it　into　the　salads；〃　said　Confucius；　with　a

sidelong　glance　at　Raleigh。　　〃He's　the　especial　champion　of　woman　in

this　club；　and　no　doubt　would　be　proud　of　the　distinction。〃



〃I　would　with　most　women；〃　said　Raleigh。　　〃But　I　draw　the　line　at

Lucretia　Borgia。〃



And　so　a　petition　was　drawn　up；　signed；　and　sent　to　the　council；　and

they；　after　mature　deliberation；　decided　to　have　the　ladies'　day；　to

which　all　the　ladies　in　Hades；　excepting　Lucretia　Borgia　and　Delilah；

were　to　be　duly　invited；　only　the　date　was　not　specified。　　Delilah

was　excluded　at　the　request　of　Samson；　whose　convincing　muscles；

rather　than　his　arguments；　completely　won　over　all　opposition　to　his

pro