fennel and rue-第3部分

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I'll　be　back　soon；　and　then　weOh；　I'm　so　sorry　I'm　going。〃

Verrian　gave　a　laugh。　　〃You　couldn't　do　anything　if　you　stayed；　mother。　
Do　go！〃

〃Well〃　She　looked　at　him；　smoothing　her　muff　with　her　hand　a　moment；
and　then　she　dropped　a　fond　kiss　on　his　cheek　and　obeyed　him。




IV
　　　　　　　　　　
Verrian　still　sat　at　his　desk；　thinking；　with　his　burning　face　in　his
hands。　　It　was　covered　with　shame　for　what　had　happened　to　him；　but　his
humiliation　had　no　quality　of　pity　in　it。　　He　must　write　to　that　girl；
and　write　at　once；　and　his　sole　hesitation　was　as　to　the　form　he　should
give　his　reply。　　He　could　not　address　her　as　Dear　Miss　Brown　or　as　Dear
Madam。　　Even　Madam　was　not　sharp　and　forbidding　enough；　besides；　Madam；
alone　or　with　the　senseless　prefix；　was　archaic；　and　Verrian　wished　to　be
very　modern　with　this　most　offensive　instance　of　the　latest　girl。
He　decided　upon　dealing　with　her　in　the　third　person；　and　trusting　to　his
literary　skill　to　keep　the　form　from　clumsiness。

He　tried　it　in　that　form；　and　it　was　simply　disgusting；　the　attitude
stiff　and　swelling；　and　the　diction　affected　and　unnatural。　　With　a　quick
reversion　to　the　impossible　first　type；　he　recast　his　letter　in　what　was
now　the　only　possible　shape。

　　　　　〃MY　DEAR　MISS　BROWN；　The　editor　of　the　American　Miscellany　has
　　　　　sent　me　a　copy　of　his　recent　letter　to　you　and　your　own　reply；　and
　　　　　has　remanded　to　me　an　affair　which　resulted　from　my　going　to　him
　　　　　with　your　request　to　see　the　close　of　my　story　now　publishing　in　his
　　　　　magazine。

　　　　　〃After　giving　the　matter　my　best　thought；　I　have　concluded　that　it
　　　　　will　be　well　to　enclose　all　the　exhibits　to　you；　and　I　now　do　this
　　　　　in　the　hope　that　a　serious　study　of　them　will　enable　you　to　share　my
　　　　　surprise　at　the　moral　and　social　conditions　in　which　the　business
　　　　　could　originate。　　I　willingly　leave　with　you　the　question　which　is
　　　　　the　more　trustworthy；　your　letter　to　me　or　your　letter　to　him；　or
　　　　　which　the　more　truly　represents　the　interesting　diversity　of　your
　　　　　nature。　　I　confess　that　the　first　moved　me　more　than　the　second；
　　　　　and　I　do　not　see　why　I　should　not　tell　you　that　as　soon　as　I　had
　　　　　your　request　I　went　with　it　to　Mr。　Armiger　and　did　what　I　could　to
　　　　　prompt　his　compliance　with　it。　　In　putting　these　papers　out　of　my
　　　　　hands；　I　ought　to　acknowledge　that　they　have　formed　a　temptation　to
　　　　　make　literary　use　of　the　affair　which　I　shall　now　be　the　better
　　　　　fitted　to　resist。　　You　will；　of　course；　be　amused　by　the　ease　with
　　　　　which　you　could　abuse　my　reliance　on　your　good　faith；　and　I　am　sure
　　　　　you　will　not　allow　any　shame　for　your　trick　to　qualify　your　pleasure
　　　　　in　its　success。

　　　　　〃It　will　not　be　necessary　for　you　to　acknowledge　this　letter　and　its
　　　　　enclosures。　　I　will　register　the　package；　so　that　it　will　not　fail
　　　　　to　reach　you；　and　I　will　return　any　answer　of　yours　unopened；　or；　if
　　　　　not　recognizably　addressed；　then　unread。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃Yours　sincerely；

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃P。　S。　VERRIAN。〃


He　read　and　read　again　these　lines；　with　only　the　sense　of　their
insufficiency　in　doing　the　effect　of　the　bitterness　in　his　heart。　　If　the
letter　was　insulting；　it　was　by　no　means　as　insulting　as　he　would　have
liked　to　make　it。　　Whether　it　would　be　wounding　enough　was　something　that
depended　upon　the　person　whom　he　wished　to　wound。　　All　that　was　proud　and
vain　and　cruel　in　him　surged　up　at　the　thought　of　the　trick　that　had　been
played　upon　him；　and　all　that　was　sweet　and　kind　and　gentle　in　him；　when
he　believed　the　trick　was　a　genuine　appeal；　turned　to　their　counter
qualities。　　Yet；　feeble　and　inadequate　as　his　letter　was；　he　knew　that
he　could　not　do　more　or　worse　by　trying；　and　he　so　much　feared　that　by
waiting　he　might　do　less　and　better　that　he　hurried　it　into　the　post　at
once。　　If　his　mother　had　been　at　hand　he　would　have　shown　it　her；
though　he　might　not　have　been　ruled　by　her　judgment　of　it。　　He　was　glad
that　she　was　not　with　him；　for　either　she　would　have　had　her　opinion　of
what　would　be　more　telling；　or　she　would　have　insisted　upon　his　delaying
any　sort　of　reply；　and　he　could　not　endure　the　thought　of　difference
or　delay。

He　asked　himself　whether　he　should　let　her　see　the　rough　first　draft　of
his　letter　or　not；　and　he　decided　that　he　would　not。　　But　when　she　came
into　his　study　on　her　return　he　showed　it　her。

She　read　it　in　silence；　and　then　she　seemed　to　temporize　in　asking；
〃Where　are　her　two　letters？〃

〃I've　sent　them　back　with　the　answer。〃

His　mother　let　the　paper　drop　from　her　hands。　　〃Philip！　　You　haven't　sent
this！〃

〃Yes；　I　have。　　It　wasn't　what　I　wanted　to　make　it；　but　I　wished　to　get
the　detestable　experience　out　of　my　mind；　and　it　was　the　best　I　could　do
at　the　moment。　　Don't　you　like　it？〃

〃Oh〃　She　seemed　beginning　to　say　something；　but　without　saying　anything
she　took　the　fallen　leaf　up　and　read　it　again。

〃Well！〃　he　demanded；　with　impatience。

〃Oh；　you　may　have　been　right。　　I　hope　you've　not　been　wrong。〃

〃Mother！〃

〃She　deserved　the　severest　things　you　could　say；　and　yet〃

〃Well？〃

〃Perhaps　she　was　punished　enough　already。〃

〃What　do　you　mean？〃

〃I　don't　like　your　being…vindictive。〃

〃Vindictive？〃

〃Being　so　terribly　just；　then。〃　　She　added；　at　his　blank　stare；　〃This　is
killing；　Philip。〃

He　gave　a　bitter　laugh。　　〃I　don't　think　it　will　kill　her。　　She　isn't　that
kind。〃

〃She's　a　girl；〃　　his　mother　said；　with　a　kind　of　sad　absence。

〃But　not　a　single…minded　girl；　you　warned　me。　　I　wish　I　could　have　taken
your　warning。　　It　would　have　saved　me　from　playing　the　fool　before　myself
and　giving　myself　away　to　Armiger；　and　letting　him　give　himself　away。
I　don't　think　Miss　Brown　will　suffer　much　before　she　dies。　　She　will　'get
together；'　as　she　calls　it；　with　that　other　girl　and　have　'a　real　good
time'　over　it。　　You　know　the　village　type　and　the　village　conditions；
where　the　vulgar　ignorance　of　any　larger　world　is　so　thick　you　could　cut
it　with　a　knife。　　Don't　be　troubled　by　my　vindictiveness　or　my　justice；
mother！　　I　begin　to　think　I　have　done　justice　and　not　fallen　short　of　it；
as　I　was　afraid。〃

Mrs。　Verrian　sighed；　and　again　she　gave　his　letter　back　to　her　son。　
〃Perhaps　you　are　right；　Philip。　　She　is　probably　so　tough　as　not　to　feel
it　very　painfully。〃

〃She's　not　so　tough　but　she'll　be　very　glad　to　get　out　of　it　so　lightly。　
She　has　had　a　useful　scare；　and　I've　done　her　a　favor　in　making　the　scare
a　sharp　one。　　I　suppose；〃　Verrian　mused；　〃that　she　thinks　I've　kept
copies　of　her　letters。〃

〃Yes。　　Why　didn't　you？〃　his　mother　asked。

Verrian　laughed；　only　a　little　less　bitterly　than　before。　　〃I　shall　begin
to　believe　you're　all　alike；　mother。

I　didn't　keep　copies　of　her　letters　because　I　wanted　to　get　her　and　her
letters　out　of　my　mind；　finally　and　forever。　　Besides；　I　didn't　choose。　
to　emulate　her　duplicity　by　any　sort　of　dissimulation。

〃I　see　what　you　mean；〃　his　mother　said。　　〃And；　of　course；　you　have　taken
the　only　honorable　way。〃

Then　they　were　both　silent　for　a　time；　thinking　their　several　thoughts。

Verrian　broke　the　silence　to　say；　〃I　wish　I　knew　what　sort　of　'other
girl'　it　was　that　she　'got　together　with。'〃

〃Why？〃

〃Because　she　wrote　a　more　cultivated　letter　than　this　magnanimous
creature　who　takes　all　the　blame　to　herself。〃

〃Then　you　don't　believe　they're　both　the　same？〃

〃They　are　both　the　same　in　stationery　and　chirography；　but　not　in
literature。〃

〃I　hope　you　won't　get　to　thinking　about　her；　then；〃　his　mother　entreated；
intelligibly　but　not　definitely。

〃Not　seriously；〃　Verrian　reassured　her。　　〃I've　had　my　medicine。〃




V。

Continuity　is　so　much　the　lesson　of　experience　that　in　the　course　of　a
life　by　no　means　long　it　becomes　the　instinctive　expectation。　　The　event
that　has　happened　will　happen　again；　it　will　prolong　itself　in　a　series
of　recurrences　by　which　each　one's　episode　shares　in　the　unending　history
of　all。　　The　sense　of　this　is　so　pervasive　that　humanity　refuses　to
accept　death　itself　as　final。　　In　the　agonized　affections；　the　shattered
hopes；　of　those　who　remain；　the　severed　life　keeps　on　unbrokenly；　and
when　time　and　reason　prevail；　at　least　as　to　the　life　here；　the　defeated
faith　appeals　for　fulfilment　to　another　world；　and　the　belief　of
immortality　holds　against　the　myriad　years　in　which　none　of　the
numberless　dead　have　made　an　indisputable　sign　in　witness　of　it。　　The
lost　limb　still　reports　its　sensations　to　the　brain；　the　fixed　habit
mechanically　attempts　its　repetition　when　the　conditions　render　it
impossible。

Verrian　was　aware　how　deeply　and　absorbingly　he　had　brooded　upon　the
incident　which　he　had　done　his　utmost　to　close；　when　he　found　himself
expecting　an　answer　of　some　sort　from　his　unknown　correspondent。　　He
perceived；　then；　without　owning　the　fact；　that　he　had　really　hoped　for
some　protest；　some　excuse；　some　extenuation；　which　in　the　end　would
suffer　him　to　be　more　merciful。　　Though　he　had　wished　to　crush　her　into
silence；　and　to　forbid　her　all　hope　of　his　forgiveness；　he　had；　in　a
manner；　not　meant　to　do　it。　　He　had　kept　a　secret　place　in　his　soul　where
the　sinner　against　him　could　find　refuge　from　his　justice；　and　when　this
sanctuary　remained　unattempted　he　found　himself　with　a　regret　that　he　had
barred　the　way　to　it　so　effectually。　　The　regret　was　so　vague；　so
formless；　however；　that　he　could　tacitly　deny　it　to　himself　at　all　times；
and　explicitly　deny　it　to　his　mother　at　such　times　as　her　touch　taught
him　that　it　was　tangible。

One　day；　after　ten　or　twelve　days　had　gone　by；　she　asked　him；　〃You
haven't　heard　anything　more　from　that　girl？〃

〃What　girl？〃　he　returned；　as　if　he　did　not　know；　and　he　frowned。　　〃You
mean　the　girl　that　wrote　me　about　my　story？〃

He　continued　to　frown　rather　more　darkly。　　〃I　don't　see　how　you　could
expect　me　to　hear　from　her；　after　what　I　wrote。　　But；　to　be　categorical；
I　haven't；　mother。〃

〃Oh；　of　course　not。　　Did　you　think　she　would　be　so　easily　silenced？〃

〃I　did　what　I　could　to　crush　her　into　silence。〃

〃Yes；　and　you　did　quite　right；　I　am　more　and　more　convinced　of　that。　　But
such　a　very　tough　young　person