liber amoris-第2部分

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S。　　I　have　been　down　to　see　my　aunt；　Sir。

H。　　And　I　hope　she　has　been　giving　you　good　advice。

S。　　I　did　not　go　to　ask　her　opinion　about　any　thing。

H。　　And　yet　you　seem　anxious　and　agitated。　　You　appear　pale　and　dejected；　as　if　your　refusal　of　me　had　touched　your　own　breast　with　pity。　　Cruel　girl！　you　look　at　this　moment　heavenly…soft；　saint…like；　or　resemble　some　graceful　marble　statue；　in　the　moon's　pale　ray！　　Sadness　only　heightens　the　elegance　of　your　features。　　How　can　I　escape　from　you；　when　every　new　occasion；　even　your　cruelty　and　scorn；　brings　out　some　new　charm。　　Nay；　your　rejection　of　me；　by　the　way　in　which　you　do　it；　is　only　a　new　link　added　to　my　chain。　　Raise　those　downcast　eyes；　bend　as　if　an　angel　stooped；　and　kiss　me。　。　。　。　Ah！　enchanting　little　trembler！　if　such　is　thy　sweetness　where　thou　dost　not　love；　what　must　thy　love　have　been？　　I　cannot　think　how　any　man；　having　the　heart　of　one；　could　go　and　leave　it。

S。　　No　one　did；　that　I　know　of。

H。　　Yes；　you　told　me　yourself　he　left　you　（though　he　liked　you；　and　though　he　knewOh！　gracious　God！　that　you　loved　him）　he　left　you　because　〃the　pride　of　birth　would　not　permit　a　union。〃For　myself；　I　would　leave　a　throne　to　ascend　to　the　heaven　of　thy　charms。　　I　live　but　for　thee；　hereI　only　wish　to　live　again　to　pass　all　eternity　with　thee。　　But　even　in　another　world；　I　suppose　you　would　turn　from　me　to　seek　him　out　who　scorned　you　here。

S。　　If　the　proud　scorn　us　here；　in　that　place　we　shall　all　be　equal。

H。　　Do　not　look　sodo　not　talk　sounless　you　would　drive　me　mad。　　I　could　worship　you　at　this　moment。　　Can　I　witness　such　perfection；　and　bear　to　think　I　have　lost　you　for　ever？　　Oh！　let　me　hope！　　You　see　you　can　mould　me　as　you　like。　　You　can　lead　me　by　the　hand；　like　a　little　child；　and　with　you　my　way　would　be　like　a　little　child's：you　could　strew　flowers　in　my　path；　and　pour　new　life　and　hope　into　me。　　I　should　then　indeed　hail　the　return　of　spring　with　joy；　could　I　indulge　the　faintest　hopewould　you　but　let　me　try　to　please　you！

S。　　Nothing　can　alter　my　resolution；　Sir。

H。　　Will　you　go　and　leave　me　so？

S。　　It　is　late；　and　my　father　will　be　getting　impatient　at　my　stopping　so　long。

H。　　You　know　he　has　nothing　to　fear　for　youit　is　poor　I　that　am　alone　in　danger。　　But　I　wanted　to　ask　about　buying　you　a　flageolet。　　Could　I　see　that　which　you　have？　　If　it　is　a　pretty　one；　it　would　hardly　be　worth　while；　but　if　it　isn't；　I　thought　of　bespeaking　an　ivory　one　for　you。　　Can't　you　bring　up　your　own　to　shew　me？

S。　　Not　to…night；　Sir。

H。　　I　wish　you　could。

S。　　I　cannotbut　I　will　in　the　morning。

H。　　Whatever　you　determine；　I　must　submit　to。　　Good　night；　and　bless　thee！

＇The　next　morning；　S。　brought　up　the　tea…kettle　as　usual；　and　looking　towards　the　tea…tray；　she　said；　〃Oh！　I　see　my　sister　has　forgot　the　tea…pot。〃　　It　was　not　there；　sure　enough；　and　tripping　down　stairs；　she　came　up　in　a　minute；　with　the　tea…pot　in　one　hand；　and　the　flageolet　in　the　other；　balanced　so　sweetly　and　gracefully。　　It　would　have　been　awkward　to　have　brought　up　the　flageolet　in　the　tea…tray　and　she　could　not　have　well　gone　down　again　on　purpose　to　fetch　it。　　Something；　therefore；　was　to　be　omitted　as　an　excuse。　　Exquisite　witch！　　But　do　I　love　her　the　less　dearly　for　it？　　I　cannot。＇



THE　CONFESSION




H。　　You　say　you　cannot　love。　　Is　there　not　a　prior　attachment　in　the　case？　　Was　there　any　one　else　that　you　did　like？

S。　　Yes；　there　was　another。

H。　　Ah！　I　thought　as　much。　　Is　it　long　ago　then？

S。　　It　is　two　years；　Sir。

H。　　And　has　time　made　no　alteration？　　Or　do　you　still　see　him　sometimes？

S。　　No；　Sir！　　But　he　is　one　to　whom　I　feel　the　sincerest　affection；　and　ever　shall；　though　he　is　far　distant。

H。　　And　did　he　return　your　regard？

S。　　I　had　every　reason　to　think　so。

H。　　What　then　broke　off　your　intimacy？

S。　　It　was　the　pride　of　birth；　Sir；　that　would　not　permit　him　to　think　of　a　union。

H。　　Was　he　a　young　man　of　rank；　then？

S。　　His　connections　were　high。

H。　　And　did　he　never　attempt　to　persuade　you　to　any　other　step？

S。　　Nohe　had　too　great　a　regard　for　me。

H。　　Tell　me；　my　angel；　how　was　it？　　Was　he　so　very　handsome？　　Or　was　it　the　fineness　of　his　manners？

S。　　It　was　more　his　manner：　but　I　can't　tell　how　it　was。　　It　was　chiefly　my　own　fault。　　I　was　foolish　to　suppose　he　could　ever　think　seriously　of　me。　　But　he　used　to　make　me　read　with　himand　I　used　to　be　with　him　a　good　deal；　though　not　much　neitherand　I　found　my　affections　entangled　before　I　was　aware　of　it。

H。　　And　did　your　mother　and　family　know　of　it？

S。　　NoI　have　never　told　any　one　but　you；　nor　I　should　not　have　mentioned　it　now；　but　I　thought　it　might　give　you　some　satisfaction。

H。　　Why　did　he　go　at　last？

S。　　We　thought　it　better　to　part。

H。　　And　do　you　correspond？

S。　　No；　Sir。　　But　perhaps　I　may　see　him　again　some　time　or　other；　though　it　will　be　only　in　the　way　of　friendship。

H。　　My　God！　what　a　heart　is　thine；　to　live　for　years　upon　that　bare　hope！

S。　　I　did　not　wish　to　live　always；　SirI　wished　to　die　for　a　long　time　after；　till　I　thought　it　not　right；　and　since　then　I　have　endeavoured　to　be　as　resigned　as　I　can。

H。　　And　do　you　think　the　impression　will　never　wear　out？

S。　　Not　if　I　can　judge　from　my　feelings　hitherto。　　It　is　now　sometime　since；and　I　find　no　difference。

H。　　May　God　for　ever　bless　you！　　How　can　I　thank　you　for　your　condescension　in　letting　me　know　your　sweet　sentiments？　　You　have　changed　my　esteem　into　adoration。Never　can　I　harbour　a　thought　of　ill　in　thee　again。

S。　　Indeed；　Sir；　I　wish　for　your　good　opinion　and　your　friendship。

H。　　And　can　you　return　them？

S。　　Yes。

H。　　And　nothing　more？

S。　　No；　Sir。

H。　　You　are　an　angel；　and　I　will　spend　my　life；　if　you　will　let　me；　in　paying　you　the　homage　that　my　heart　feels　towards　you。



THE　QUARREL





H。　　You　are　angry　with　me？

S。　　Have　I　not　reason？

H。　　I　hope　you　have；　for　I　would　give　the　world　to　believe　my　suspicions　unjust。　　But；　oh！　my　God！　after　what　I　have　thought　of　you　and　felt　towards　you；　as　little　less　than　an　angel；　to　have　but　a　doubt　cross　my　mind　for　an　instant　that　you　were　what　I　dare　not　namea　common　lodging…house　decoy；　a　kissing　convenience；　that　your　lips　were　as　common　as　the　stairs

S。　　Let　me　go；　Sir！

H。　　Nayprove　to　me　that　you　are　not　so；　and　I　will　fall　down　and　worship　you。　　You　were　the　only　creature　that　ever　seemed　to　love　me；　and　to　have　my　hopes；　and　all　my　fondness　for　you；　thus　turned　to　a　mockeryit　is　too　much！　　Tell　me　why　you　have　deceived　me；　and　singled　me　out　as　your　victim？

S。　　I　never　have；　Sir。　　I　always　said　I　could　not　love。

H。　　There　is　a　difference　between　love　and　making　me　a　laughing…stock。　　Yet　what　else　could　be　the　meaning　of　your　little　sister's　running　out　to　you；　and　saying　〃He　thought　I　did　not　see　him！〃　when　I　had　followed　you　into　the　other　room？　　Is　it　a　joke　upon　me　that　I　make　free　with　you？　　Or　is　not　the　joke　against　HER　sister；　unless　you　make　my　courtship　of　you　a　jest　to　the　whole　house？　　Indeed　I　do　not　well　see　how　you　can　come　and　stay　with　me　as　you　do；　by　the　hour　together；　and　day　after　day；　as　openly　as　you　do；　unless　you　give　it　some　such　turn　with　your　family。　　Or　do　you　deceive　them　as　well　as　me？

S。　　I　deceive　no　one；　Sir。　　But　my　sister　Betsey　was　always　watching　and　listening　when　Mr。　M　was　courting　my　eldest　sister；　till　he　was　obliged　to　complain　of　it。

H。　　That　I　can　understand；　but　not　the　other。　　You　may　remember；　when　your　servant　Maria　looked　in　and　found　you　sitting　in　my　lap　one　day；　and　I　was　afraid　she　might　tell　your　mother；　you　said　〃You　did　not　care；　for　you　had　no　secrets　from　your　mother。〃　　This　seemed　to　me　odd　at　the　time；　but　I　thought　no　more　of　it；　till　other　things　brought　it　to　my　mind。　　Am　I　to　suppose；　then；　that　you　are　acting　a　part；　a　vile　part；　all　this　time；　and　that　you　come　up　here；　and　stay　as　long　as　I　like；　that　you　sit　on　my　knee　and　put　your　arms　round　my　neck；　and　feed　me　with　kisses；　and　let　me　take　other　liberties　with　you；　and　that　for　a　year　together；　and　that　you　do　all　this　not　out　of　love；　or　liking；　or　regard；　but　go　through　your　regular　task；　like　some　young　witch；　without　one　natural　feeling；　to　shew　your　cleverness；　and　get　a　few　presents　out　of　me；　and　go　down　into　the　kitchen　to　make　a　fine　laugh　of　it？　　There　is　something　monstrous　in　it；　that　I　cannot　believe　of　you。

S。　　Sir；　you　have　no　right　to　harass　my　feelings　in　the　manner　you　do。　　I　have　never　made　a　jest　of　you　to　anyone；　but　always　felt　and　expressed　the　greatest　esteem　for　you。　　You　have　no　ground　for　complaint　in　my　conduct；　and　I　cannot　help　what　Betsey　or　others　do。　　I　have　always　been　consistent　from　the　first。　　I　told　you　my　regard　could　amount　to　no　more　than　friendship。

H。　　Nay；　Sarah；　it　was　more　than　half　a　year　before　I　knew　that　there　was　an　insurmountable　obstacle　in　the　way。　　You　say　your　regard　is　merely　friendship；　and　that　you　are　sorry　I　have　ever　felt　anything　more　for　you。　　Yet　the　first　time　I　ever　asked　you；　you　let　me　kiss　you；　the　first　time　I　ever　saw　you；　as　you　went　out　of　the　room；　you　turned　full　round　at　the　door；　with　that　inimitable　grace　with　which　you　do　everything；　and　fixed　your　eyes　full　upon　me；　as　much　as　to　say；　〃Is　he　caught？〃that　very　week　you　sat　upon　my　knee；　twined　your　arms　round　me；　caressed　me　with　every　mark　of　tenderness　consistent　with　modesty；　and　I　have　not　got　much　farther　since。　　Now　if　you　did　all　this　with　me；　a　perfect　stranger　to　you；　and　without　any　particular　liking　to　me；　must　I　not　conclude　you　do　so　as　a　matter　of　course　with　everyone？Or；　if　you　do　not　do　so　with　others；　it　was　because　you　took　a　liking　to　me　for　some　reason　or　other。

S。　　It　was　gratitude；　Sir；　for　different　obligations。

H。　　If　you　mean　by　obligations　the　presents　I　made　you；　I　had　given　you　none　the　first　day　I　came。　　You　do　not　consider　yourself　OBLIGED　to　everyone　who　asks　you　for　a　kiss？

S。　　No；　Sir。

H。　　I　should　not　have　thought　anything　of　it　in　anyone　but　you。　　But　you　seemed　so　reserved　and　modest；　so　soft；　so　timid；　you　spoke　so　low；　you　looked　so　innocentI　thought　it　impossible　you　could　deceive　me。　　Whatever　favors　you　granted　must　proceed　from　pure　regard。　　No　betro