father sergius-第5部分

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'But　how　have　you　。　。　。'



'I　shan't　eat　you。　　For　God's　sake　let　me　in！　　I　am　quite

frozen。'



She　really　did　feel　afraid；　and　said　this　in　an　almost　tearful

voice。



He　stepped　back　from　the　window　and　looked　at　an　icon　of　the

Saviour　in　His　crown　of　thorns。　　'Lord；　help　me！　　Lord；　help　me！'

he　exclaimed；　crossing　himself　and　bowing　low。　　Then　he　went　to

the　door；　and　opening　it　into　the　tiny　porch；　felt　for　the　hook

that　fastened　the　outer　door　and　began　to　lift　it。　　He　heard

steps　outside。　　She　was　coming　from　the　window　to　the　door。　

'Ah！'　she　suddenly　exclaimed；　and　he　understood　that　she　had

stepped　into　the　puddle　that　the　dripping　from　the　roof　had

formed　at　the　threshold。　　His　hands　trembled；　and　he　could　not

raise　the　hook　of　the　tightly　closed　door。



'Oh；　what　are　you　doing？　　Let　me　in！　　I　am　all　wet。　　I　am　frozen！　

You　are　thinking　about　saving　your　soul　and　are　letting　me　freeze

to　death　。　。　。'



He　jerked　the　door　towards　him；　raised　the　hook；　and　without

considering　what　he　was　doing；　pushed　it　open　with　such　force

that　it　struck　her。



'OhPARDON！'　he　suddenly　exclaimed；　reverting　completely　to　his

old　manner　with　ladies。



She　smiled　on　hearing　that　PARDON。　　'He　is　not　quite　so　terrible；

after　all；'　she　thought。　　'It's　all　right。　　It　is　you　who　must

pardon　me；'　she　said；　stepping　past　him。　　'I　should　never　have

ventured；　but　such　an　extraordinary　circumstance　。　。　。'



'If　you　please！'　he　uttered；　and　stood　aside　to　let　her　pass　him。　

A　strong　smell　of　fine　scent；　which　he　had　long　not　encountered；

struck　him。　　She　went　through　the　little　porch　into　the　cell

where　he　lived。　　He　closed　the　outer　door　without　fastening　the

hook；　and　stepped　in　after　her。



'Lord　Jesus　Christ；　Son　of　God；　have　mercy　on　me　a　sinner！　　Lord；

have　mercy　on　me　a　sinner！'　he　prayed　unceasingly；　not　merely　to

himself　but　involuntarily　moving　his　lips。　　'If　you　please！'　he

said　to　her　again。　　She　stood　in　the　middle　of　the　room；　moisture

dripping　from　her　to　the　floor　as　she　looked　him　over。　　Her　eyes

were　laughing。



'Forgive　me　for　having　disturbed　your　solitude。　　But　you　see　what

a　position　I　am　in。　　It　all　came　about　from　our　starting　from

town　for　a　sledge…drive；　and　my　making　a　bet　that　I　would　walk

back　by　myself　from　the　Vorobevka　to　the　town。　　But　then　I　lost

my　way；　and　if　I　had　not　happened　to　come　upon　your　cell　。　。　。'　

She　began　lying；　but　his　face　confused　her　so　that　she　could　not

continue；　but　became　silent。　　She　had　not　expected　him　to　be　at

all　such　as　he　was。　　He　was　not　as　handsome　as　she　had　imagined；

but　was　nevertheless　beautiful　in　her　eyes：　his　greyish　hair　and

beard；　slightly　curling；　his　fine；　regular　nose；　and　his　eyes

like　glowing　coal　when　he　looked　at　her；　made　a　strong　impression

on　her。



He　saw　that　she　was　lying。



'Yes　。　。　。　so；'　said　he；　looking　at　her　and　again　lowering　his

eyes。　　'I　will　go　in　there；　and　this　place　is　at　your　disposal。'



And　taking　down　the　little　lamp；　he　lit　a　candle；　and　bowing　low

to　her　went　into　the　small　cell　beyond　the　partition；　and　she

heard　him　begin　to　move　something　about　there。　　'Probably　he　is

barricading　himself　in　from　me！'　she　thought　with　a　smile；　and

throwing　off　her　white　dogskin　cloak　she　tried　to　take　off　her

cap；　which　had　become　entangled　in　her　hair　and　in　the　woven

kerchief　she　was　wearing　under　it。　　She　had　not　got　at　all　wet

when　standing　under　the　window；　and　had　said　so　only　as　a　pretext

to　get　him　to　let　her　in。　　But　she　really　had　stepped　into　the

puddle　at　the　door；　and　her　left　foot　was　wet　up　to　the　ankle　and

her　overshoe　full　of　water。　　She　sat　down　on　his　beda　bench

only　covered　by　a　bit　of　carpetand　began　to　take　off　her　boots。　

The　little　cell　seemed　to　her　charming。　　The　narrow　little　room；

some　seven　feet　by　nine；　was　as　clean　as　glass。　　There　was

nothing　in　it　but　the　bench　on　which　she　was　sitting；　the

book…shelf　above　it；　and　a　lectern　in　the　corner。　　A　sheepskin

coat　and　a　cassock　hung　on　nails　by　the　door。　　Above　the　lectern

was　the　little　lamp　and　an　icon　of　Christ　in　His　crown　of　thorns。　

The　room　smelt　strangely　of　perspiration　and　of　earth。　　It　all

pleased　hereven　that　smell。　　Her　wet　feet；　especially　one　of

them；　were　uncomfortable；　and　she　quickly　began　to　take　off　her

boots　and　stockings　without　ceasing　to　smile；　pleased　not　so　much

at　having　achieved　her　object　as　because　she　perceived　that　she

had　abashed　that　charming；　strange；　striking；　and　attractive　man。　

'He　did　not　respond；　but　what　of　that？'　she　said　to　herself。



'Father　Sergius！　　Father　Sergius！　　Or　how　does　one　call　you？'



'What　do　you　want？'　replied　a　quiet　voice。



'Please　forgive　me　for　disturbing　your　solitude；　but　really　I

could　not　help　it。　　I　should　simply　have　fallen　ill。　And　I　don't

know　that　I　shan't　now。　　I　am　all　wet　and　my　feet　are　like　ice。'



'Pardon　me；'　replied　the　quiet　voice。　　'I　cannot　be　of　any

assistance　to　you。'



'I　would　not　have　disturbed　you　if　I　could　have　helped　it。　　I　am

only　here　till　daybreak。'



He　did　not　reply　and　she　heard　him　muttering　something；　probably

his　prayers。



'You　will　not　be　coming　in　here？'　she　asked；　smiling。　'For　I　must

undress　to　dry　myself。'



He　did　not　reply；　but　continued　to　read　his　prayers。



'Yes；　that　is　a　man！'　thought　she；　getting　her　dripping　boot　off

with　difficulty。　　She　tugged　at　it；　but　could　not　get　it　off。　

The　absurdity　of　it　struck　her　and　she　began　to　laugh　almost

inaudibly。　　But　knowing　that　he　would　hear　her　laughter　and　would

be　moved　by　it　just　as　she　wished　him　to　be；　she　laughed　louder；

and　her　laughtergay；　natural；　and　kindlyreally　acted　on　him

just　in　the　way　she　wished。



'Yes；　I　could　love　a　man　like　thatsuch　eyes　and　such　a　simple

noble　face；　and　passionate　too　despite　all　the　prayers　he

mutters！'　thought　she。　　'You　can't　deceive　a　woman　in　these

things。　　As　soon　as　he　put　his　face　to　the　window　and　saw　me；　he

understood　and　knew。　　The　glimmer　of　it　was　in　his　eyes　and

remained　there。　　He　began　to　love　me　and　desired　me。　

Yesdesired！'　said　she；　getting　her　overshoe　and　her　boot　off　at

last　and　starting　to　take　off　her　stockings。　　To　remove　those

long　stockings　fastened　with　elastic　it　was　necessary　to　raise

her　skirts。　　She　felt　embarrassed　and　said：



'Don't　come　in！'



But　there　was　no　reply　from　the　other　side　of　the　wall。　The

steady　muttering　continued　and　also　a　sound　of　moving。



'He　is　prostrating　himself　to　the　ground；　no　doubt；'　thought　she。　

'But　he　won't　bow　himself　out　of　it。　　He　is　thinking　of　me　just

as　I　am　thinking　of　him。　　He　is　thinking　of　these　feet　of　mine

with　the　same　feeling　that　I　have！'　　And　she　pulled　off　her　wet

stockings　and　put　her　feet　up　on　the　bench；　pressing　them　under

her。　　She　sat　a　while　like　that　with　her　arms　round　her　knees　and

looking　pensively　before　her。　　'But　it　is　a　desert；　here　in　this

silence。　No　one　would　ever　know。　。　。　。'



She　rose；　took　her　stockings　over　to　the　stove；　and　hung　them　on

the　damper。　　It　was　a　queer　damper；　and　she　turned　it　about；　and

then；　stepping　lightly　on　her　bare　feet；　returned　to　the　bench

and　sat　down　there　again　with　her　feet　up。



There　was　complete　silence　on　the　other　side　of　the　partition。　

She　looked　at　the　tiny　watch　that　hung　round　her　neck。　　It　was

two　o'clock。　　'Our　party　should　return　about　three！'　　She　had　not

more　than　an　hour　before　her。　'Well；　am　I　to　sit　like　this　all

alone？　　What　nonsense！　　I　don't　want　to。　　I　will　call　him　at

once。'



'Father　Sergius；　Father　Sergius！　　Sergey　Dmitrich！　　Prince

Kasatsky！'



Beyond　the　partition　all　was　silent。



'Listen！　　This　is　cruel。　　I　would　not　call　you　if　it　were　not

necessary。　　I　am　ill。　　I　don't　know　what　is　the　matter　with　me！'

she　exclaimed　in　a　tone　of　suffering。　　'Oh！　　Oh！'　she　groaned；

falling　back　on　the　bench。　　And　strange　to　say　she　really　felt

that　her　strength　was　failing；　that　she　was　becoming　faint；　that

everything　in　her　ached；　and　that　she　was　shivering　with　fever。



'Listen！　　Help　me！　　I　don't　know　what　is　the　matter　with　me。　　Oh！　

Oh！'　　She　unfastened　her　dress；　exposing　her　breast；　and　lifted

her　arms；　bare　to　the　elbow。　　'Oh！　　Oh！'



All　this　time　he　stood　on　the　other　side　of　the　partition　and

prayed。　　Having　finished　all　the　evening　prayers；　he　now　stood

motionless；　his　eyes　looking　at　the　end　of　his　nose；　and　mentally

repeated　with　all　his　soul：　'Lord　Jesus　Christ；　Son　of　God；　have

mercy　upon　me！'



But　he　had　heard　everything。　　He　had　heard　how　the　silk　rustled

when　she　took　off　her　dress；　how　she　stepped　with　bare　feet　on

the　floor；　and　had　heard　how　she　rubbed　her　feet　with　her　hand。　

He　felt　his　own　weakness；　and　that　he　might　be　lost　at　any

moment。　　That　was　why　he　prayed　unceasingly。　　He　felt　rather　as

the　hero　in　the　fairy…tale　must　have　felt　when　he　had　to　go　on

and　on　without　looking　round。　　So　Sergius　heard　and　felt　that

danger　and　destruction　were　there；　hovering　above　and　around　him；

and　that　he　could　only　save　himself　by　not　looking　in　that

direction　for　an　instant。　　But　suddenly　the　desire　to　look　seized

him。　　At　the　same　instant　she　said：



'This　is　inhuman。　　I　may　die。　。　。　。'



'Yes；　I　will　go　to　her；　but　like　the　Saint　who　laid　one　hand　on

the　adulteress　and　thrust　his　other　into　the　brazier。　　But　there

is　no　brazier　here。'　　He　looked　round。　　The　lamp！　　He　put　his

finger　over　the　flame　and　frowned；　preparing　himself　to　suffer。　

And　for　a　rather　long　time；　as　it　seemed　to　him；　there　was　no

sensation；　but　suddenlyhe　had　not　yet　decided　whether　it　was

painful　enoughhe　writhed　all　over；　jerked　his　hand　away；　and

waved　it　in　the　air。　　'No；　I　can't　stand　that！'



'For　God's　sake　come　to　me！　　I　am　dying！　　Oh！'



'Wellshall　I　perish？　　No；　not　so！'



'I　will　come　to　you　directly；'　he　said；　and　having　opened　his

door；　he　went　without　looking　at　her　through　the