the history of john bull-第15部分

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*　Betraying　the　interests　of　the　Church　when　got　into　preferments。　**　The　original　of　the　distinction　in　the　names　of　Low　Churchmen　and　High　Churchmen。

A　parcel　of　tall　fellows；　who　thought　themselves　affronted　by　the　discourse；　took　up　the　quarrel；　and　to　it　they　went；　the　tall　men　and　the　low　men；　which　continues　still　a　faction　in　the　family；　to　the　great　disorder　of　our　mistress's　affairs。　　The　said　Timothy　carried　this　frolic　so　far；　that　he　proposed　to　his　mistress　that　she　should　entertain　no　servant　that　was　above　four　feet　seven　inches　high；　and　for　that　purpose　had　prepared　a　gauge；　by　which　they　were　to　be　measured。　　The　good　old　gentlewoman　was　not　so　simple　as　to　go　into　his　projectsshe　began　to　smell　a　rat。　　〃This　Trim；〃　quoth　she；　〃is　an　odd　sort　of　a　fellow；　methinks　he　makes　a　strange　figure　with　that　ragged；　tattered　coat　appearing　under　his　livery；　can't　he　go　spruce　and　clean；　like　the　rest　of　the　servants？　The　fellow　has　a　roguish　leer　with　him　which　I　don't　like　by　any　means；　besides；　he　has　such　a　twang　in　his　discourse；　and　an　ungraceful　way　of　speaking　through　the　nose；　that　one　can　hardly　understand　him；　I　wish　the　fellow　be　not　tainted　with　some　bad　disease。〃　　The　witnesses　further　made　oath；　that　the　said　Timothy　lay　out　a…nights；　and　went　abroad　often　at　unseasonable　hours；　and　it　was　credibly　reported　he　did　business　in　another　family：　　that　he　pretended　to　have　a　squeamish　stomach；　and　could　not　eat　at　table　with　the　rest　of　the　servants；　though　this　was　but　a　pretence　to　provide　some　nice　bit　for　himself；　that　he　refused　to　dine　upon　salt　fish；　only　to　have　an　opportunity　to　eat　a　calf's　head　（his　favourite　dish）　in　private；　that　for　all　his　tender　stomach；　when　he　was　got　by　himself；　he　could　devour　capons；　turkeys；　and　sirloins　of　beef；　like　a　cormorant。

Two　other　witnesses　gave　the　following　evidence：　　That　in　his　officious　attendance　upon　his　mistress；　he　had　tried　to　slip　a　powder　into　her　drink；　and　that　he　was　once　caught　endeavouring　to　stifle　her　with　a　pillow　as　she　was　asleep；　that　he　and　Ptschirnsooker　were　often　in　close　conference；　and　that　they　used　to　drink　together　at　the　〃Rose；〃　where　it　seems　he　was　well　enough　known　by　his　true　name　of　Jack。

The　prisoner　had　little　to　say　in　his　defence；　he　endeavoured　to　prove　himself　alibi；　so　that　the　trial　turned　upon　this　single　question；　whether　the　said　Timothy　Trim　and　Jack　were　the　same　person；　which　was　proved　by　such　plain　tokens；　and　particularly　by　a　mole　under　the　left　pap；　that　there　was　no　withstanding　the　evidence；　therefore　the　worshipful　Mr。　Justice　committed　him；　in　order　to　his　trial。



CHAPTER　XII。　How　Jack's　friends　came　to　visit　him　in　prison；　and　what　advice　they　gave　him。

Jack　hitherto　had　passed　in　the　world　for　a　poor；　simple；　well…meaning；　half…witted；　crack…brained　fellow。　　People　were　strangely　surprised　to　find　him　in　such　a　roguerythat　he　should　disguise　himself　under　a　false　name；　hire　himself　out　for　a　servant　to　an　old　gentlewoman；　only　for　an　opportunity　to　poison　her。　　They　said　that　it　was　more　generous　to　profess　open　enmity　than　under　a　profound　dissimulation　to　be　guilty　of　such　a　scandalous　breach　of　trust；　and　of　the　sacred　rights　of　hospitality；　in　short；　the　action　was　universally　condemned　by　his　best　friends。　　They　told　him　in　plain　terms　that　this　was　come　as　a　judgment　upon　him　for　his　loose　life；　his　gluttony；　drunkenness；　and　avarice；　for　laying　aside　his　father's　will　in　an　old　mouldy　trunk；　and　turning　stock…jobber；　newsmonger；　and　busybody；　meddling　with　other　people's　affairs；　shaking　off　his　old　serious　friends；　and　keeping　company　with　buffoons　and　pickpockets；　his　father's　sworn　enemies；　that　he　had　best　throw　himself　upon　the　mercy　of　the　court；　repent；　and　change　his　manners。　　To　say　truth；　Jack　heard　these　discourses　with　some　compunction；　however；　he　resolved　to　try　what　his　new　acquaintance　would　do　for　him。　　They　sent　Habakkuk　Slyboots；*　who　delivered　him　the　following　message；　as　the　peremptory　commands　of　his　trusty　companions：

*　Habakkuk　Slyboots；　a　certain　great　man　who　persuaded　the　Dissenters　to　consent　to　the　Bill　against　Occasional　Conformity　as　being　for　their　interest。

HABAKKUK。Dear　Jack；　I　am　sorry　for　thy　misfortune：　　matters　have　not　been　carried　on　with　due　secrecy；　however；　we　must　make　the　best　of　a　bad　bargain。　　Thou　art　in　the　utmost　jeopardy；　that's　certain；　hang；　draw；　and　quarter；　are　the　gentlest　things　they　talk　of。　However；　thy　faithful　friends；　ever　watchful　for　thy　security；　bid　me　tell　thee　that　they　have　one　infallible　expedient　left　to　save　thy　life。　　Thou　must　know　we　have　got　into　some　understanding　with　the　enemy　by　the　means　of　Don　Diego；*　he　assures　us　there　is　no　mercy　for　thee；　and　that　there　is　only　one　way　left　to　escape。　　It　is；　indeed；　somewhat　out　of　the　common　road；　however；　be　assured　it　is　the　result　of　most　mature　deliberation。

*　A　noble　Tory　lord。

JACK。Prithee　tell　me　quickly；　for　my　heart　is　sunk　down　in　the　very　bottom　of　my　belly。

HAB。It　is　the　unanimous　opinion　of　your　friends　that　you　make　as　if　you　hanged　yourself；*　they　will　give　it　out　that　you　are　quite　dead；　and　convey　your　body　out　of　prison　in　a　bier；　and　John　Bull；　being　busied　with　his　lawsuit；　will　not　inquire　further　into　the　matter。

*　Consent　to　the　Bill　against　Occasional　Conformity。

JACK。How　d'ye　mean；　make　as　if　I　hanged　myself？

HAB。Nay；　you　must　really　hang　yourself　up　in　a　true　genuine　rope；　that　there　may　appear　no　trick　in　it；　and　leave　the　rest　to　your　friends。

JACK。Truly　this　is　a　matter　of　some　concern；　and　my　friends；　I　hope；　won't　take　it　ill　if　I　inquire　a　little　into　the　means　by　which　they　intend　to　deliver　me。　　A　rope　and　a　noose　are　no　jesting　matters！

HAB。Why　so　mistrustful？　hast　thou　ever　found　us　false　to　thee？　　I　tell　thee　there　is　one　ready　to　cut　thee　down。

JACK。May　I　presume　to　ask　who　it　is　that　is　entrusted　with　so　important　an　office？

HAB。Is　there　no　end　of　thy　hows　and　thy　whys？　　That's　a　secret。

JACK。A　secret；　perhaps；　that　I　may　be　safely　trusted　with；　for　I　am　not　like　to　tell　it　again。　　I　tell　you　plainly　it　is　no　strange　thing　for　a　man　before　he　hangs　himself　up　to　inquire　who　is　to　cut　him　down。

HAB。Thou　suspicious　creature！　if　thou　must　needs　know　it；　I　tell　thee　it　is　Sir　Roger；*　he　has　been　in　tears　ever　since　thy　misfortune。　　Don　Diego　and　we　have　laid　it　so　that　he　is　to　be　in　the　next　room；　and　before　the　rope　is　well　about　thy　neck；　rest　satisfied　he　will　break　in　and　cut　thee　down。　　Fear　not；　old　boy；　we'll　do　it；　I'll　warrant　thee。

*　It　was　given　out　that　the　Earl　of　Oxford　would　oppose　the　occasional　Bill；　and　so　lose　his　credit　with　the　Tories；　and　the　Dissenters　did　believe　he　would　not　suffer　it　to　pass。

JACK。So　I　must　hang　myself　up　upon　hopes　that　Sir　Roger　will　cut　me　down；　and　all　this　upon　the　credit　of　Don　Diego。　　A　fine　stratagem；　indeed；　to　save　my　life；　that　depends　upon　hanging；　Don　Diego；　and　Sir　Roger！

HAB。I　tell　thee　there　is　a　mystery　in　all　this；　my　friend；　a　piece　of　profound　policy；　if　thou　knew　what　good　this　will　do　to　the　common　cause；　thy　heart　would　leap　for　joy。　　I　am　sure　thou　wouldst　not　delay　the　experiment　one　moment。

JACK。This　is　to　the　tune　of　〃All　for　the　better。〃　　What's　your　cause　to　me　when　I　am　hanged？

HAB。Refractory　mortal！　if　thou　wilt　not　trust　thy　friends；　take　what　follows。　　Know　assuredly；　before　next　full　moon；　that　thou　wilt　be　hung　up　in　chains；　or　thy　quarters　perching　upon　the　most　conspicuous　places　of　the　kingdom。　　Nay；　I　don't　believe　they　will　he　contented　with　hanging；　they　talk　of　impaling；　or　breaking　on　the　wheel；　and　thou　choosest　that　before　a　gentle　suspending　of　thyself　for　one　minute。　　Hanging　is　not　so　painful　a　thing　as　thou　imaginest。　　I　have　spoken　with　several　that　have　undergone　it；　they　all　agree　it　is　no　manner　of　uneasiness。　　Be　sure　thou　take　good　notice　of　the　symptoms；　the　relation　will　be　curious。　　It　is　but　a　kick　or　two　with　thy　heels；　and　a　wry　mouth　or　so：　　Sir　Roger　will　be　with　thee　in　the　twinkling　of　an　eye。

JACK。But　what　if　Sir　Roger　should　not　come；　will　my　friends　be　there　to　succour　me？

HAB。Doubt　it　not；　I　will　provide　everything　against　to…morrow　morning：　　do　thou　keep　thy　own　secretsay　nothing。　　I　tell　thee　it　is　absolutely　necessary　for　the　common　good　that　thou　shouldst　go　through　this　operation。



CHAPTER　XIII。　　How　Jack　hanged　himself　up　by　the　persuasion　of　his　friends；　who　broke　their　words；　and　left　his　neck　in　the　noose。

Jack　was　a　professed　enemy　to　implicit　faith；　and　yet　I　dare　say　it　was　never　more　strongly　exerted　nor　more　basely　abused　than　upon　this　occasion。　　He　was　now；　with　his　old　friends；　in　the　state　of　a　poor　disbanded　officer　after　a　peace；　or　rather　a　wounded　soldier　after　a　battle；　like　an　old　favourite　of　a　cunning　Minister　after　the　job　is　over；　or　a　decayed　beauty　to　a　cloyed　lover　in　quest　of　new　game；　or　like　a　hundred　such　things　that　one　sees　every　day。　There　were　new　intrigues；　new　views；　new　projects；　on　foot。　　Jack's　life　was　the　purchase　of　Diego's　friendship；　much　good　may　it　do　them。　　The　interest　of　Hocus　and　Sir　William　Crawley　which　was　now　more　at　heart；　made　this　operation　upon　poor　Jack　absolutely　necessary。　　You　may　easily　guess　that　his　rest　that　night　was　but　small；　and　much　disturbed；　however；　the　remaining　part　of　his　time　he　did　not　employ　（as　his　custom　was　formerly）　in　prayer；　meditation；　or　singing　a　double　verse　of　a　Psalm；　but　amused　himself　with　disposing　of　his　bank　stock。　　Many　a　doubt；　many　a　qualm；　overspread　his　clouded　imagination：　　〃Must　I　then；〃　quoth　he；　〃hang　up　my　own　personal；　natural；　individual　self　with　these　two　hands！　Durus　Sermo！　　What　if　I　should　be　cut　down；　as　my　friends　tell　me？　There　is　something　infamous　in　the　very　attempt；　the　world　will　conclude　I　had　a　guilty　conscience。　　Is　it　possible　that　good　man；　Sir　Roger；　can　have　so　much　pity　upon　an　unfortunate　scoundrel　that　has　persecuted　him　so　many　years？　　No；　it　cannot　be；　I　don't　love　favours　that　pass　through　Don　Diego's　hands。　　On　the　other　side；　my　blood　chills　about　my　heart　at　the　thought　of　these　rogues　with　their　bloody　hands　pulling　out　my　very　entrails。　　Hang　it；　for　once　I'll　trust　my　friends。〃　　So　Jack　resolved；　but　he　had