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I instantly changed my tactics�察�and endeavored to embrace him。  He
kicked me twice�察�violently。  I begged permission to kiss madame's
hand。  He replied by throwing me down stairs。

I am in bed with my head bound up�察�and beef´steaks upon my eyes��
but still confident and buoyant。  I have not lost faith in
Macchiavelli。  Tra la la� �as they sing in the opera。  I kiss
everybody's hands。


CHAPTER V。

DR。 DIGGS'S STATEMENT。


My name is David Diggs。  I am a surgeon�察�living at No。 9 Tottenham
Court。  On the 15th of June�察�1854�察�I was called to see an elderly
gentleman lodging on the Kent Road。  Found him highly excited�察�with
strong febrile symptoms�察�pulse 120�察�increasing。  Repeated
incoherently what I judged to be the popular form of a conundrum。
On closer examination found acute hydrocephalus and both lobes of
the brain rapidly filling with water。  In consultation with an
eminent phrenologist�察�it was further discovered that all the organs
were more or less obliterated�察�except that of Comparison。  Hence
the patient was enabled to only distinguish the most common points
of resemblance between objects�察�without drawing upon other
faculties�察�such as Ideality or Language�察�for assistance。  Later in
the day found him sinking��being evidently unable to carry the
most ordinary conundrum to a successful issue。  Exhibited Tinct。
Val。�察�Ext。 Opii�察�and Camphor�察�and prescribed quiet and emollients。
On the 17th the patient was missing。


CHAPTER LAST。

STATEMENT OF THE PUBLISHER。


On the 18th of June�察�Mr。 Wilkie Collins left a roll of manuscript
with us for publication�察�without title or direction�察�since which
time he has not been heard from。  In spite of the care of the
proof´readers�察�and valuable literary assistance�察�it is feared that
the continuity of the story has been destroyed by some accidental
misplacing of chapters during its progress。  How and what chapters
are so misplaced�察�the publisher leaves to an indulgent public to
discover。



N N。

BEING A NOVEL IN THE FRENCH PARAGRAPHIC STYLE。


Mademoiselle�察�I swear to you that I love you。

You who read these pages。  You who turn your burning eyes upon
these wordswords that I trace  Ah�察�Heaven� �the thought maddens
me。

I will be calm。  I will imitate the reserve of the festive
Englishman�察�who wears a spotted handkerchief which he calls a
Belchio�察�who eats biftek�察�and caresses a bulldog。  I will subdue
myself like him。

Ha�  �Poto´beer�  �All rightGoddam��

Or�察�I will conduct myself as the free´born Americanthe gay
Brother Jonathan�  �I will whittle me a stick。  I will whistle to
myself ;Yankee Doodle�察─�and forget my passion in excessive
expectoration。

Hoho��wake snakes and walk chalks。


The world is divided into two great divisions��Paris and the
provinces。  There is but one Paris。  There are several provinces��
among which may be numbered England�察�America�察�Russia�察�and Italy。

N N。 was a Parisian。

But N N。 did not live in Paris。  Drop a Parisian in the provinces��
and you drop a part of Paris with him。  Drop him in Senegambia�察�and
in three days he will give you an omelette soufflee�察�or a pate de
foie gras�察�served by the neatest of Senegambian filles�察�whom he
will call Mademoiselle。  In three weeks he will give you an opera。

N N。 was not dropped in Senegambia�察�but in San Francisco��quite as
awkward。

They find gold in San Francisco�察�but they don't understand gilding。

N N。 existed three years in this place。  He became bald on the top
of his head�察�as all Parisians do。  Look down from your box at the
Opera Comique�察�Mademoiselle�察�and count the bald crowns of the fast
young men in the pit。  Ahyou tremble�  �They show where the arrows
of love have struck and glanced off。

N N。 was also near´sighted�察�as all Parisians finally become。  This
is a gallant provision of Nature to spare them the mortification of
observing that their lady friends grow old。  After a certain age
every woman is handsome to a Parisian。

One day�察�N N。 was walking down Washington street。  Suddenly he
stopped。

He was standing before the door of a mantuamaker。  Beside the
counter�察�at the farther extremity of the shop�察�stood a young and
elegantly formed woman。  Her face was turned from N N。  He entered。
With a plausible excuse�察�and seeming indifference�察�he gracefully
opened conversation with the mantuamaker as only a Parisian can。
But he had to deal with a Parisian。  His attempts to view the
features of the fair stranger by the counter were deftly combated
by the shop´woman。  He was obliged to retire。

N N。 went home and lost his appetite。  He was haunted by the
elegant basque and graceful shoulders of the fair unknown�察�during
the whole night。

The next day he sauntered by the mantuamaker。  Ah� �Heavens�  �A
thrill ran through his frame�察�and his fingers tingled with a
delicious electricity。  The fair inconnue was there�  �He raised his
hat gracefully。  He was not certain�察�but he thought that a slight
motion of her faultless bonnet betrayed recognition。  He would have
wildly darted into the shop�察�but just then the figure of the
mantuamaker appeared in the doorway。

Did Monsieur wish anything��

Misfortune�  �Desperation。  N N。 purchased a bottle of Prussic acid��
a sack of charcoal�察�and a quire of pink note´paper�察�and returned
home。  He wrote a letter of farewell to the closely fitting basque��
and opened the bottle of Prussic acid。

Some one knocked at his door。  It was a Chinaman�察�with his weekly
linen。

These Chinese are docile�察�but not intelligent。  They are ingenious��
but not creative。  They are cunning in expedients�察�but deficient in
tact。  In love they are simply barbarous。  They purchase their
wives openly�察�and not constructively by attorney。  By offering
small sums for their sweethearts�察�they degrade the value of the
sex。

Nevertheless�察�N N。 felt he was saved。  He explained all to the
faithful Mongolian�察�and exhibited the letter he had written。  He
implored him to deliver it。

The Mongolian assented。  The race are not cleanly or sweet´savored��
but N N。 fell upon his neck。  He embraced him with one hand�察�and
closed his nostrils with the other。  Through him�察�he felt he
clasped the close´fitting basque。

The next day was one of agony and suspense。  Evening came�察�but no
Mercy。  N N。 lit the charcoal。  But�察�to compose his nerves�察�he
closed his door and first walked mildly up and down Montgomery
Steeet。  When he returned�察�he found the faithful Mongolian on the
steps。

All lity��

These Chinese are not accurate in their pronunciation。  They avoid
the r�察�like the English nobleman。

N N。 gasped for breath。  He leaned heavily against the Chinaman。

Then you have seen her�察�Ching Long��

Yes。  All lity。  She cum。  Top side of house。

The docile barbarian pointed up the stairs�察�and chuckled。

She hereimpossible�  �Ah�察�Heaven� �do I dream��

Yes。  All lity��top side of house。  Good by�察�John。

This is the familiar parting epithet of the Mongolian。  It is
equivalent to our au revoir。

N N。 gazed with a stupefied air on the departing servant。

He placed his hand on his throbbing heart。  She here��alone
beneath this roof。  O Heavens�察�what happiness��

But how�拭 �Torn from her home。  Ruthlessly dragged�察�perhaps�察�from
her evening devotions�察�by the hands of a relentless barbarian。
Could she forgive him��

He dashed frantically up the stairs。  He opened the door。  She was
standing beside his couch with averted face。

A strange giddiness overtook him。  He sank upon his knees at the
threshold。

Pardon�察�pardon。  My angel�察�can you forgive me��

A terrible nausea now seemed added to the fearful giddiness。  His
utterance grew thick and sluggish。

Speak�察�speak�察�enchantress。  Forgiveness is all I ask。  My Love��
my Life��

She did not answer。  He staggered to his feet。  As he rose�察�his
eyes fell on the pan of burning charcoal。  A terrible suspicion
flashed across his mind。  This giddiness��this nausea。  The
ignorance of the barbarian。  This silence。  O merciful heavens� �she
was dying��

He crawled toward her。  He touched her。  She fell forward with a
lifeless sound upon the floor。  He uttered a piercing shriek�察�and
threw himself beside her。

          *          *          *          *         *

A file of gendarmes�察�accompanied by the Chef Burke�察�found him the
next morning lying lifeless upon the floor。  They laughed
brutally��these cruel minions of the law��and disengaged his arm
from the waist of the wooden dummy which they had come to reclaim
for the mantuamaker。

Emptying a few bucketfuls of water over his form�察�they finally
succeeded in robbing him�察�not only of his mistress�察�but of that
Death he had coveted without her。

Ah� �we live in a strange world�察�Messieurs。



FANTINE。

AFTER THE FRENCH OF VICTOR HUGO。


PROLOGUE。


As long as there shall exist three paradoxes�察�a moral Frenchman�察�a
religious Atheist�察�and a believing sceptic�察�so long�察�in fact�察�as
booksellers shall waitsay twenty´five yearsfor a new gospel�察�so
long as paper shall remain cheap and ink three sous a bottle�察�I
have no hesitation in saying that such books as these are not
utterly profitless。

VICTOR HUGO。


I。


To be good is to be queer。  What is a good man�拭 �Bishop Myriel。

My friend�察�you will possibly object to this。  You will say you know
what a good man is。  Perhaps you will say your clergyman is a good
man�察�for instance。

Bah� �you are mistaken�察�you are an Englishman�察�and an Englishman is
a beast。

Englishmen think they are moral when they are only serious。  These
Englishmen also wear ill´shaped hats�察�and dress horribly��

Bah� �they are canaille。

Still�察�Bishop Myriel was a good man��quite as good as you。  Better
than you�察�in fact。

One day M。 Myriel was in Paris。  This angel used to walk about the
streets like any other man。  He was not proud�察�though fine´looking。
Well�察�three gamins de Paris called him bad names。  Says one��

;Ah�察�mon Dieu� �there goes a priest�察�look out for your eggs and
chickens� �

What did this good man do�拭 �He called to them kindly。

;My children�察─�said he�察 �this is clearly not your fault。  I
recognize in this insult and irreverence only the fault of your
immediate progenitors。  Let us pray for your immediate
progenitors。;

They knelt
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