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屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第17部分
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ce。peoplewhowouldmakeajokeofthedeathoftheirmotherhaveturneditintoridicule;asifthenameofourcountrywasnotalsoanobleandabindingthing。formypart;ishallneverforgetfromhowmanyfolliesthetitleoffrenchmanhaskeptme。when;overewithfatigue;ihavefoundmyselfintherearofthecolors;andwhenthemusketrywasrattlinginthefrontranks;manyatimeiheardavoice;whichwhisperedinmyear;leavetheotherstofight;andfortodaytakecareofyourownhide!butthen;thatwordfrancais!murmuredwithinme;andipressedforwardtohelpmyrades。atothertimes;when;irritatedbyhunger;cold;andwounds;ihavearrivedatthehovelofsomemeinherr;ihavebeenseizedbyanitchingtobreakthemastersback;andtoburnhishut;butiwhisperedtomyself;francais!andthisnamewouldnotrhymewitheitherincendiaryormurderer。ihave;inthisway;passedthroughkingdomsfromeasttowest;andfromnorthtosouth;alwaysdeterminednottobringdisgraceuponmycountrysflag。thelieutenant;yousee;hadtaughtmeamagicword鈥斺�攎ycountry!notonlymustwedefendit;butwemustalsomakeitgreatandloved。〃
october17th鈥斺�攖o…dayihavepaidmyneighboralongvisit。achanceexpressionledthewaytohistellingmemoreofhimselfthanhehadyetdone。
iaskedhimwhetherbothhislimbshadbeenlostinthesamebattle。
〃no;no!〃repliedhe;〃thecannononlytookmyleg;itwastheclamartquarriesthatmyarmwenttofeed。〃
andwheniaskedhimfortheparticulars鈥斺��
〃thatsaseasyastosaygood…morning;〃continuedhe。〃afterthegreatbreak…upatwaterloo;istayedthreemonthsinthecamphospitaltogivemywoodenlegtimetogrow。assoonasiwasabletohobblealittle;itookleaveofheadquarters;andtooktheroadtoparis;whereihopedtofindsomerelativeorfriend;butno鈥斺�攁llweregone;orunderground。
ishouldhavefoundmyselflessstrangeatvienna;madrid;orberlin。
andalthoughihadalegthelesstoprovidefor;iwasnonethebetteroff;myappetitehadeback;andmylastsousweretakingflight。
〃ihadindeedmetmyoldcolonel;whorecollectedthatihadhelpedhimoutoftheskirmishatmontereaubygivinghimmyhorse;andhehadofferedmebedandboardathishouse。iknewthattheyearbeforehehadmarriedacastleandnofewfarms;sothatimightbeepermanentcoat…brushertoamillionaire;whichwasnotwithoutitstemptations。
itremainedtoseeifihadnotanythingbettertodo。oneeveningisetmyselftoreflectuponit。
〃letussee;chaufour;saiditomyself;thequestionistoactlikeaman。thecolonelsplacesuitsyou;butcannotyoudoanythingbetter?
yourbodyisstillingoodcondition;andyourarmsstrong;doyounotoweallyourstrengthtoyourcountry;asyourvincennesunclesaid?whynotleavesomeoldsoldier;morecutupthanyouare;togethishospitalatthecolonels?e;trooper;youarestillfitforanotherstoutchargeortwo!youmustnotlayupbeforeyourtime。
〃whereuponiwenttothankthecolonel;andtooffermyservicestoanoldartilleryman;whohadgonebacktohishomeatclamart;andwhohadtakenupthequarrymanspickagain。
〃forthefirstfewmonthsiplayedtheconscriptspart鈥斺�攖hatistosay;therewasmorestirthanwork;butwithagoodwillonegetsthebetterofstones;asofeverythingelse。ididnotbee;sotospeak;theleaderofacolumn;butibroughtuptherankamongthegoodworkmen;andiatemybreadwithagoodappetite;seeingihadearneditwithagoodwill。forevenunderground;yousee;istillkeptmypride。thethoughtthatiwasworkingtodomypartinchangingrocksintohousespleasedmyheart。isaidtomyself;courage;chaufour;myoldboy;youarehelpingtobeautifyyourcountry。andthatkeptupmyspirit。
〃unfortunately;someofmypanionswererathertoosensibletothecharmsofthebrandy…bottle;somuchso;thatonedayoneofthem;whocouldhardlydistinguishhisrighthandfromhisleft;thoughtpropertostrikealightclosetoachargedmine。themineexplodedsuddenly;andsentashowerofstonegrapeamongus;whichkilledthreemen;andcarriedawaythearmofwhichihavenowonlythesleeve。〃
〃soyouwereagainwithoutmeansofliving?〃saiditotheoldsoldier。
〃thatistosay;ihadtochangethem;〃repliedhe;quietly。〃thedifficultywastofindonewhichwoulddowithfivefingersinsteadoften;ifoundit;however。〃
〃howwasthat?〃
〃amongtheparisstreet…sweepers。〃
〃what!youhavebeenone鈥斺�敗�
〃ofthepioneersofthehealthforceforawhile;neighbor;andthatwasnotmyworsttimeeither。thecorpsofsweepersisnotsolowasitisdirty;icantellyou!thereareoldactressesinitwhocouldneverlearntosavetheirmoney;andruinedmerchantsfromtheexchange;weevenhadaprofessorofclassics;whoforalittledrinkwouldrecitelatintoyou;orgreektragedies;asyouchose。theycouldnothavepetedforthemonthyonprize;butweexcusedfaultsonaccountofpoverty;andcheeredourpovertybyourgood…humorandjokes。iwasasraggedandascheerfulastherest;whiletryingtobesomethingbetter。
eveninthemireofthegutteripreservedmyfaiththatnothingisdishonorablewhichisusefultoourcountry。
〃chaufour;saiditomyselfwithasmile;afterthesword;thehammer;afterthehammer;thebroom;youaregoingdownstairs;myoldboy;butyouarestillservingyourcountry。〃
〃however;youendedbyleavingyournewprofession?saidi。〃
〃areformwasrequired;neighbor。thestreet…sweepersseldomhavetheirfeetdry;andthedampatlastmadethewoundsinmygoodlegopenagain。
icouldnolongerfollowtheregiment;anditwasnecessarytolaydownmyarms。itisnowtwomonthssinceileftoffworkinginthesanitarydepartmentofparis。
〃atthefirstmomentiwasdaunted。ofmyfourlimbs;ihadnowonlymyrighthand;andeventhathadlostitsstrength;soitwasnecessarytofindsomegentlemanlyoccupationforit。aftertryingalittleofeverything;ifelluponcard…boxmaking;andhereiamatcasesforthelaceandbuttonsofthenationalguard;itisworkoflittleprofit;butitiswithinthecapacityofall。bygettingupatfourandworkingtilleight;iearnsixty…fivecentimes;mylodgingandbowlofsouptakefiftyofthem;andtherearethreesousoverforluxuries。soiamricherthanfranceherself;forihavenodeficitinmybudget;andicontinuetoserveher;asisaveherlaceandbuttons。〃
atthesewordsfatherchaufourlookedatmewithasmile;andwithhisgreatscissorsbegancuttingthegreenpaperagainforhiscardboardcases。myheartwastouched;andiremainedlostinthought。
hereisstillanothermemberofthatsacredphalanxwho;inthebattleoflife;alwaysmarchinfrontfortheexampleandthesalvationoftheworld!eachofthesebravesoldiershashiswar…cry;forthisoneitis〃country;〃forthat〃home;〃forathird〃mankind;〃buttheyallfollowthesamestandard鈥斺�攖hatofduty;forallthesamedivinelawreigns鈥斺�攖hatofself…sacrifice。tolovesomethingmorethanonesself鈥斺�攖hatisthesecretofallthatisgreat;toknowhowtoliveforothers鈥斺�攖hatistheaimofallnoblesouls。
CHAPTER XI
moraluseofinventories
november13th;nineoclockp。m。
ihadwellstoppedupthechinksofmywindow;mylittlecarpetwasnaileddowninitsplace;mylamp;providedwithitsshade;castasubduedlightaround;andmystovemadealow;murmuringsound;asifsomelivecreaturewassharingmyhearthwithme。
allwassilentaroundme。but;outofdoorsthesnowandrainswepttheroofs;andwithalow;rushingsoundranalongthegurglinggutters;sometimesagustofwindforceditselfbeneaththetiles;whichrattledtogetherlikecastanets;andafterwarditwaslostintheemptycorridor。
thenaslightandpleasurableshiverthrilledthroughmyveins:idrewtheflapsofmyoldwaddeddressing…gownaroundme;ipulledmythreadbarevelvetcapovermyeyes;and;lettingmyselfsinkdeeperintomyeasy…chair;whilemyfeetbaskedintheheatandlightwhichshonethroughthedoorofthestove;igavemyselfuptoasensationofenjoyment;mademorelivelybytheconsciousnessofthestormwhichragedwithout。myeyes;swimminginasortofmist;wanderedoverallthedetailsofmypeacefulabode;theypassedfrommyprintstomybookcase;restinguponthelittlechintzsofa;thewhitecurtainsoftheironbedstead;andtheportfolioofloosepapers鈥斺�攖hosearchivesoftheattics;andthen;returningtothebookiheldinmyhand;theyattemptedtoseizeoncemorethethreadofthereadingwhichhadbeenthusinterrupted。
infact;thisbook;thesubjectofwhichhadatfirstinterestedme;hadbeepainfultome。ihadetotheconclusionthatthepicturesofthewriterweretoosombre。hisdescriptionofthemiseriesoftheworldappearedexaggeratedtome;icouldnotbelieveinsuchexcessofpovertyandofsuffering;neithergodnormancouldshowthemselvessoharshtowardthesonsofadam。theauthorhadyieldedtoanartistictemptation:hewasmakingashowofthesufferingsofhumanity;asneroburnedromeforthesakeofthepicturesque。
takenaltogether;thispoorhumanhouse;sooftenrepaired;somuchcriticised;isstillaprettygoodabode;wemayfindenoughinittosatisfyourwants;ifweknowhowtosetboundstothem;thehappinessofthewisemancostsbutlittle;andasksbutlittlespace。
theseconsolingreflectionsbecamemoreandmoreconfused。atlastmybookfellonthegroundwithoutmyhavingtheresolutiontostoopandtakeitupagain;andinsensiblyoverebytheluxuryofthesilence;thesubduedlight;andthewarmth;ifellasleep。
iremainedforsometimelostinthesortofinsensibilitybelongingtoafirstsleep;atlastsomevagueandbrokensensationscameoverme。
itseemedtomethatthedaygrewdarker;thattheairbecamecolder。
ihalfperceivedbushescoveredwiththescarletberrieswhichforetelltheingofwinter。iwalkedonadrearyroad;borderedhereandtherewithjuniper…treeswhitewithfrost。thenthescenesuddenlychanged。
iwasinthediligence;thecoldwindshookthedoorsandwindows;thetrees;loadedwithsnow;passedbylikeghosts;invainithrustmybenumbedfeetintothecrushedstraw。atlastthecarriagestopped;and;byoneofthosestageeffectssomoninsleep;ifoundmyselfaloneinabarn;withoutafireplace;andopentothewindsonallsides。isawagainmymothersgentleface;knownonlytomeinmyearlychildhood;thenobleandsterncountenanceofmyfather;thelittlefairheadofmysister;whowastakenfromusattenyearsold;allmydeadfamilylivedagainaroundme;theywerethere;exposedtothebitingsofthecoldandtothepangsofhunger。mymotherprayedbytheresignedoldman;andmysister;rolleduponsomeragsofwhichtheyhadmadeherabed;weptinsilence;andheldhernakedfeetinherlittlebluehands。
itwasapagefromthebookihadjustreadtransferredintomyownexistence。
myheartwasoppressedwithinexpressibleanguish。crouchedinacorner;withmyeyesfixeduponthisdismalpicture;ifeltthecoldslowlycreepinguponme;andisaidtomyselfwithbitterness:
〃letusdie;sincepovertyisadungeonguardedbysuspicion;apathy;andcontempt;andfromwhichitisvaintotrytoescape;letusdie;sincethereisnoplaceforusatthebanquetoftheliving!〃
anditriedtorisetojoinmymotheragain;andtowaitatherfeetforthehourofrelease。
thiseffortdispelledmydream;andiawokewithastart。
ilookedaroundme;mylampwasexpiring;thefireinmystoveextinguished;andmyhalf…openeddoorwaslettinginanicywind。
igotup;withashiver;toshutanddouble…lockit;thenimadeforthealcove;andwenttobedinhaste。
butthecoldkeptmeawakealongtime;andmythoughtscontinuedtheinterrupteddream。
thepicturesihadlatelyaccusedofexaggerationnowseemedbutatoofaithfulrepresentationofreality;andiwenttosleepwithoutbeingabletorecovermyopt
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