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屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第8部分

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    wehadonlytolookforaconvenientspot。iledthemupthehill;andwefoundaplotofgrassenamelledwithdaisies;andshadedbytwowalnut…trees。

    madeleinecouldnotcontainherselfforjoy。allherlifeshehaddreamedofadinneroutonthegrass!whilehelpinghersistertotaketheprovisionsfromthebasket;shetellsmeofallherexpeditionsintothecountrythathadbeenplanned;andputoff。frances;ontheotherhand;wasbroughtupatmontmorency;andbeforeshebecameanorphanshehadoftengonebacktohernurseshouse。thatwhichhadtheattractionofnoveltyforhersister;hadforherthecharmofrecollection。shetoldofthevintageharveststowhichherparentshadtakenher;theridesonmotherluretsdonkey;thattheycouldnotmakegototherightwithoutpullinghimtotheleft;thecherry…gathering;andthesailsonthelakeintheinnkeepersboat。

    theserecollectionshaveallthecharmandfreshnessofchildhood。

    francesrecallstoherselflesswhatshehasseenthanwhatshehasfelt。

    whilesheistalkingtheclothislaid;andwesitdownunderatree。

    beforeuswindsthevalleyofsevres;itsmany…storiedhousesabuttinguponthegardensandtheslopesofthehill;ontheothersidespreadsouttheparkofst。cloud;withitsmagnificentclumpsoftreesinterspersedwithmeadows;abovestretchtheheavenslikeanimmenseocean;inwhichthecloudsaresailing!ilookatthisbeautifulcountry;andilistentothesegoodoldmaids;iadmire;andiaminterested;andtimepassesgentlyonwithoutmyperceivingit。

    atlastthesunsets;andwehavetothinkofreturning。whilemadeleineandfrancesclearawaythedinner;iwalkdowntothemanufactorytoaskthehour。themerrymakingisatitsheight;theblastsofthetrombonesresoundfromthebandundertheacacias。forafewmomentsiforgetmyselfwithlookingabout;butihavepromisedthetwosisterstotakethembacktothebellevuestation;thetraincannotwait;andimakehastetoclimbthepathagainwhichleadstothewalnut…trees。

    justbeforeireachedthem;iheardvoicesontheothersideofthehedge。madeleineandfranceswerespeakingtoapoorgirlwhoseclotheswereburned;herhandsblackened;andherfacetiedupwithbloodstainedbandages。isawthatshewasoneofthegirlsemployedatthegunpowdermills;whicharebuiltfurtheruponthemon。anexplosionhadtakenplaceafewdaysbefore;thegirlsmotherandeldersisterwerekilled;sheherselfescapedbyamiracle;andwasnowleftwithoutanymeansofsupport。shetoldallthiswiththeresignedandunhopefulmannerofonewhohasalwaysbeenaccustomedtosuffer。thetwosistersweremuchaffected;isawthemconsultingwitheachotherinalowtone:thenfrancestookthirtysousoutofalittlecoarsesilkpurse;whichwasalltheyhadleft;andgavethemtothepoorgirl。ihastenedontothatsideofthehedge;but;beforeireachedit;imetthetwooldsisters;whocalledouttomethattheywouldnotreturnbytherailway;butonfoot!

    ithenunderstoodthatthemoneytheyhadmeantforthejourneyhadjustbeengiventothebeggar!good;likeevil;iscontagious:iruntothepoorwoundedgirl;giveherthesumthatwastopayformyownplace;andreturntofrancesandmadeleine;andtellthemiwillwalkwiththem

    iamjustebackfromtakingthemhome;andhaveleftthemdelightedwiththeirday;therecollectionofwhichwilllongmakethemhappy。

    thismorningiwaspityingthosewhoselivesareobscureandjoyless;now;iunderstandthatgodhasprovidedapensationwitheverytrial。

    thesmallestpleasurederivesfromrarityarelishotherwiseunknown。

    enjoymentisonlywhatwefeeltobesuch;andtheluxuriousmanfeelsnolonger:satietyhasdestroyedhisappetite;whileprivationpreservestotheotherthatfirstofearthlyblessings:thebeingeasilymadehappy。

    oh;thaticouldpersuadeeveryoneofthis!thatsotherichmightnotabusetheirriches;andthatthepoormighthavepatience。ifhappinessistherarestofblessings;itisbecausethereceptionofitistherarestofvirtues。

    madeleineandfrances!yepooroldmaidswhosecourage;resignation;andgenerousheartsareyouronlywealth;prayforthewretchedwhogivethemselvesuptodespair;fortheunhappywhohateandenvy;andfortheunfeelingintowhoseenjoymentsnopityenters



 CHAPTER VI

    unclemaurice

    june7th;fouroclocka。m。

    iamnotsurprisedathearing;wheniawake;thebirdssingingsojoyfullyoutsidemywindow;itisonlybyliving;astheyandido;inatopstory;thatoneestoknowhowcheerfulthemorningsreallyareupamongtheroofs。itistherethatthesunsendshisfirstrays;andthebreezeeswiththefragranceofthegardensandwoods;therethatawanderingbutterflysometimesventuresamongtheflowersoftheattic;andthatthesongsoftheindustriouswork…womanwelethedawnofday。

    thelowerstoriesarestilldeepinsleep;silence;andshadow;whileherelabor;light;andsongalreadyreign。

    whatlifeisaroundme!seetheswallowreturningfromhersearchforfood;withherbeakfullofinsectsforheryoungones;thesparrowsshakethedewfromtheirwingswhiletheychaseoneanotherinthesunshine;andmyneighborsthrowopentheirwindows;andwelethemorningwiththeirfreshfaces!delightfulhourofwaking;wheneverythingreturnstofeelingandtomotion;whenthefirstlightofdaystrikesuponcreation;andbringsittolifeagain;asthemagicwandstruckthepalaceofthesleepingbeautyinthewood!itisamomentofrestfromeverymisery;thesufferingsofthesickareallayed;andabreathofhopeentersintotheheartsofthedespairing。but;alas!itisbutashortrespite!everythingwillsoonresumeitswontedcourse:

    thegreathumanmachine;withitslongstrains;itsdeepgasps;itscollisions;anditscrashes;willbeagainputinmotion。

    thetranquillityofthisfirstmorninghourremindsmeofthatofourfirstyearsoflife。then;too;thesunshinesbrightly;theairisfragrant;andtheillusionsofyouth…thosebirdsofourlifesmorning…singaroundus。whydotheyflyawaywhenweareolder?wheredothissadnessandthissolitude;whichgraduallystealuponus;efrom?thecourseseemstobethesamewithindividualsandwithmunities:atstarting;soreadilymadehappy;soeasilyenchanted;andatthegoal;thebitterdisappointmentorreality!theroad;whichbeganamonghawthornsandprimroses;endsspeedilyindesertsorinprecipices!whyistheresomuchconfidenceatfirst;somuchdoubtatlast?has;then;theknowledgeoflifenootherendbuttomakeitunfitforhappiness?

    mustwecondemnourselvestoignoranceifwewouldpreservehope?istheworldandistheindividualmanintended;afterall;tofindrestonlyinaneternalchildhood?

    howmanytimeshaveiaskedmyselfthesequestions!solitudehastheadvantageorthedangerofmakinguscontinuallysearchmoredeeplyintothesameideas。asourdiscourseisonlywithourself;wealwaysgivethesamedirectiontotheconversation;wearenotcalledtoturnittothesubjectwhichoccupiesanothermind;orinterestsanothersfeelings;andsoaninvoluntaryinclinationmakesusreturnforevertoknockatthesamedoors!

    iinterruptedmyreflectionstoputmyatticinorder。ihatethelookofdisorder;becauseitshowseitheracontemptfordetailsoranunaptnessforspirituallife。toarrangethethingsamongwhichwehavetolive;istoestablishtherelationofpropertyandofusebetweenthemandus:itistolaythefoundationofthosehabitswithoutwhichmantendstothesavagestate。what;infact;issocialorganizationbutaseriesofhabits;settledinaccordancewiththedispositionsofournature?

    idistrustboththeintellectandthemoralityofthosepeopletowhomdisorderisofnoconsequence鈥斺�攚hocanliveateaseinanaugeanstable。

    whatsurroundsus;reflectsmoreorlessthatwhichiswithinus。themindislikeoneofthosedarklanternswhich;inspiteofeverything;stillthrowsomelightaround。ifourtastesdidnotrevealourcharacter;theywouldbenolongertastes;butinstincts。

    whileiwasarrangingeverythinginmyattic;myeyesrestedonthelittlealmanachangingovermychimney…piece。ilookedforthedayofthemonth;andisawthesewordswritteninlargeletters:〃fetedieu!〃

    itisto…day!inthisgreatcity;wheretherearenolongeranypublicreligioussolemnities;thereisnothingtoremindusofit;butitis;intruth;theperiodsohappilychosenbytheprimitivechurch。〃thedaykeptinhonorofthecreator;〃sayschateaubriand;〃happensatatimewhentheheavenandtheearthdeclarehispower;whenthewoodsandfieldsarefullofnewlife;andallareunitedbythehappiestties;thereisnotasinglewidowedplantinthefields。〃

    whatrecollectionsthesewordshavejustawakened!ileftoffwhatiwasabout;ileanedmyelbowsonthewindowsill;and;withmyheadbetweenmytwohands;iwentbackinthoughttothelittletownwherethefirstdaysofmychildhoodwerepassed。

    thefetedieuwasthenoneofthegreateventsofmylife!itwasnecessarytobediligentandobedientalongtimebeforehand;todeservetoshareinit。istillrecollectwithwhatrapturesofexpectationigotuponthemorningoftheday。therewasaholyjoyintheair。theneighbors;upearlierthanusual;hungclothswithflowersorfigures;workedintapestry;alongthestreets。iwentfromonetoanother;byturnsadmiringreligiousscenesofthemiddleages;mythologicalpositionsoftherenaissance;oldbattlesinthestyleoflouisxiv;andthearcadiasofmadamedepompadour。allthisworldofphantomsseemedtobeingforthfromthedustofpastages;toassist鈥斺�攕ilentandmotionless鈥斺�攁ttheholyceremony。ilooked;alternatelyinfearandwonder;atthoseterriblewarriorswiththeirswordsalwaysraised;thosebeautifulhuntressesshootingthearrowwhichneverleftthebow;andthoseshepherdsinsatinbreechesalwaysplayingthefluteatthefeetoftheperpetuallysmilingshepherdess。sometimes;whenthewindblewbehindthesehangingpictures;itseemedtomethatthefiguresthemselvesmoved;andiwatchedtoseethemdetachthemselvesfromthewall;andtaketheirplacesintheprocession!buttheseimpressionswerevagueandtransitory。thefeelingthatpredominatedovereveryotherwasthatofanoverflowingyetquietjoy。inthemidstofallthefloatingdraperies;thescatteredflowers;thevoicesofthemaidens;andthegladnesswhich;likeaperfume;exhaledfromeverything;youfelttransportedinspiteofyourself。thejoyfulsoundsofthefestivalwererepeatedinyourheart;inathousandmelodiousechoes。youweremoreindulgent;moreholy;moreloving!forgodwasnotonlymanifestinghimselfwithout;butalsowithinus。

    andthenthealtarsfortheoccasion!thefloweryarbors!thetriumphalarchesmadeofgreenboughs!whatpetitionamongthedifferentparishesfortheerectionoftheresting…placeswheretheprocessionwastohalt!itwaswhoshouldcontributetherarestandthemostbeautifulofhispossessions!

    itwasthereimademyfirstsacrifice!

    thewreathsofflowerswerearranged;thecandleslighted;andthetabernacledressedwithroses;butonewaswantingfittocrownthewhole!alltheneighboringgardenshadbeenransacked。ialonepossessedaflowerworthyofsuchaplace。itwasontherose…treegivenmebymymotheronmybirthday。ihadwatcheditforseveralmonths;andtherewasnootherbudtoblowonthetree。thereitwas;halfopen;initsmossynest;theobjectofsuchlongexpectations;andofallachildspride!ihesitatedforsomemoments。noonehadaskedmeforit;imighteasilyavoidlosingit。ishouldhearnoreproaches;butonerosenoiselesslywithinme。wheneveryoneelsehadgivenalltheyhad;oughtialonetokeepbackmytreasure?oughtitogrudgetogodoneofthegiftswhich;likealltherest;ihadreceivedfromhim?atthislastthoughtipluckedtheflowerfromthestem;andtookittoputatthetopofthetabernacle。ah!whydoestherecollectionof
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