camille-第30部分

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When　I　think　that　she　is　dead　now；　I　ask　myself　if　God　will　ever　forgive　me　for　the　wrong　I　did　her。

After　the　supper；　which　was　noisy　as　could　be；　there　was　gambling。　I　sat　by　the　side　of　Olympe　and　put　down　my　money　so　recklessly　that　she　could　not　but　notice　me。　In　an　instant　I　had　gained　one　hundred　and　fifty　or　two　hundred　louis；　which　I　spread　out　before　me　on　the　table；　and　on　which　she　fastened　her　eyes　greedily。

I　was　the　only　one　not　completely　absorbed　by　the　game；　and　able　to　pay　her　some　attention。　All　the　rest　of　the　night　I　gained；　and　it　was　I　who　gave　her　money　to　play；　for　she　had　lost　all　she　had　before　her　and　probably　all　she　had　in　the　house。

At　five　in　the　morning；　the　guests　departed。　I　had　gained　three　hundred　louis。

All　the　players　were　already　on　their　way　downstairs；　I　was　the　only　one　who　had　remained　behind；　and　as　I　did　not　know　any　of　them；　no　one　noticed　it。　Olympe　herself　was　lighting　the　way；　and　I　was　going　to　follow　the　others；　when；　turning　back；　I　said　to　her：

〃I　must　speak　to　you。〃

〃To…morrow；〃　she　said。

〃No；　now。〃

〃What　have　you　to　say？〃

〃You　will　see。〃

And　I　went　back　into　the　room。

〃You　have　lost；〃　I　said。

〃Yes。

〃All　that　you　had　in　the　house？〃

She　hesitated。

〃Be　frank。〃

〃Well；　it　is　true。〃

〃I　have　won　three　hundred　louis。　Here　they　are；　if　you　will　let　me　stay　here　to…night。〃

And　I　threw　the　gold　on　the　table。

〃And　why　this　proposition？〃

〃Because　I　am　in　love　with　you；　of　course。〃

〃No；　but　because　you　love　Marguerite；　and　you　want　to　have　your　revenge　upon　her　by　becoming　my　lover。　You　don't　deceive　a　woman　like　me；　my　dear　friend；　unluckily；　I　am　still　too　young　and　too　good…looking　to　accept　the　part　that　you　offer　me。〃

〃So　you　refuse？〃

〃Yes。

〃Would　you　rather　take　me　for　nothing？　It　is　I　who　wouldn't　accept　then。　Think　it　over；　my　dear　Olympe；　if　I　had　sent　some　one　to　offer　you　these　three　hundred　louis　on　my　behalf；　on　the　conditions　I　attach　to　them；　you　would　have　accepted。　I　preferred　to　speak　to　you　myself。　Accept　without　inquiring　into　my　reasons；　say　to　yourself　that　you　are　beautiful；　and　that　there　is　nothing　surprising　in　my　being　in　love　with　you。〃

Marguerite　was　a　woman　in　the　same　position　as　Olympe；　and　yet　I　should　never　have　dared　say　to　her　the　first　time　I　met　her　what　I　had　said　to　the　other　woman。　I　loved　Marguerite。　I　saw　in　her　instincts　which　were　lacking　in　the　other；　and　at　the　very　moment　in　which　I　made　my　bargain；　I　felt　a　disgust　toward　the　woman　with　whom　I　was　making　it。

She　accepted；　of　course；　in　the　end；　and　at　midday　I　left　her　house　as　her　lover；　but　I　quitted　her　without　a　recollection　of　the　caresses　and　of　the　words　of　love　which　she　had　felt　bound　to　shower　upon　me　in　return　for　the　six　thousand　francs　which　I　left　with　her。　And　yet　there　were　men　who　had　ruined　themselves　for　that　woman。

From　that　day　I　inflicted　on　Marguerite　a　continual　persecution。　Olympe　and　she　gave　up　seeing　one　another；　as　you　might　imagine。　I　gave　my　new　mistress　a　carriage　and　jewels。　I　gambled；　I　committed　every　extravagance　which　could　be　expected　of　a　man　in　love　with　such　a　woman　as　Olympe。　The　report　of　my　new　infatuation　was　immediately　spread　abroad。

Prudence　herself　was　taken　in；　and　finally　thought　that　I　had　completely　forgotten　Marguerite。　Marguerite　herself；　whether　she　guessed　my　motive　or　was　deceived　like　everybody　else；　preserved　a　perfect　dignity　in　response　to　the　insults　which　I　heaped　upon　her　daily。　Only；　she　seemed　to　suffer；　for　whenever　I　met　her　she　was　more　and　more　pale；　more　and　more　sad。　My　love　for　her；　carried　to　the　point　at　which　it　was　transformed　into　hatred；　rejoiced　at　the　sight　of　her　daily　sorrow。　Often；　when　my　cruelty　toward　her　became　infamous；　Marguerite　lifted　upon　me　such　appealing　eyes　that　I　blushed　for　the　part　I　was　playing；　and　was　ready　to　implore　her　forgiveness。

But　my　repentance　was　only　of　a　moment's　duration；　and　Olympe；　who　had　finally　put　aside　all　self…respect；　and　discovered　that　by　annoying　Marguerite　she　could　get　from　me　whatever　she　wanted；　constantly　stirred　up　my　resentment　against　her；　and　insulted　her　whenever　she　found　an　opportunity；　with　the　cowardly　persistence　of　a　woman　licensed　by　the　authority　of　a　man。

At　last　Marguerite　gave　up　going　to　balls　or　theatres；　for　fear　of　meeting　Olympe　and　me。　Then　direct　impertinences　gave　way　to　anonymous　letters；　and　there　was　not　a　shameful　thing　which　I　did　not　encourage　my　mistress　to　relate　and　which　I　did　not　myself　relate　in　reference　to　Marguerite。

To　reach　such　a　point　I　must　have　been　literally　mad。　I　was　like　a　man　drunk　upon　bad　wine；　who　falls　into　one　of　those　nervous　exaltations　in　which　the　hand　is　capable　of　committing　a　crime　without　the　head　knowing　anything　about　it。　In　the　midst　of　it　all　I　endured　a　martyrdom。　The　not　disdainful　calm；　the　not　contemptuous　dignity　with　which　Marguerite　responded　to　all　my　attacks；　and　which　raised　her　above　me　in　my　own　eyes；　enraged　me　still　more　against　her。

One　evening　Olympe　had　gone　somewhere　or　other；　and　had　met　Marguerite；　who　for　once　had　not　spared　the　foolish　creature；　so　that　she　had　had　to　retire　in　confusion。　Olympe　returned　in　a　fury；　and　Marguerite　fainted　and　had　to　be　carried　out。　Olympe　related　to　me　what　had　happened；　declared　that　Marguerite；　seeing　her　alone；　had　revenged　herself　upon　her　because　she　was　my　mistress；　and　that　I　must　write　and　tell　her　to　respect　the　woman　whom　I　loved；　whether　I　was　present　or　absent。

I　need　not　tell　you　that　I　consented；　and　that　I　put　into　the　letter　which　I　sent　to　her　address　the　same　day；　everything　bitter；　shameful；　and　cruel　that　I　could　think　of。

This　time　the　blow　was　more　than　the　unhappy　creature　could　endure　without　replying。　I　felt　sure　that　an　answer　would　come；　and　I　resolved　not　to　go　out　all　day。　About　two　there　was　a　ring；　and　Prudence　entered。

I　tried　to　assume　an　indifferent　air　as　I　asked　her　what　had　brought　her；　but　that　day　Mme。　Duvernoy　was　not　in　a　laughing　humour；　and　in　a　really　moved　voice　she　said　to　me　that　since　my　return；　that　is　to　say　for　about　three　weeks；　I　had　left　no　occasion　untried　which　could　give　pain　to　Marguerite；　that　she　was　completely　upset　by　it；　and　that　the　scene　of　last　night　and　my　angry　letter　of　the　morning　had　forced　her　to　take　to　her　bed。　In　short；　without　making　any　reproach；　Marguerite　sent　to　ask　me　for　a　little　pity；　since　she　had　no　longer　the　moral　or　physical　strength　to　endure　what　I　was　making　her　suffer。

〃That　Mlle。　Gautier；〃　I　said　to　Prudence；　〃should　turn　me　out　of　her　own　house　is　quite　reasonable；　but　that　she　should　insult　the　woman　whom　I　love；　under　the　pretence　that　this　woman　is　my　mistress；　is　a　thing　I　will　never　permit。〃

〃My　friend；〃　said　Prudence；　〃you　are　under　the　influence　of　a　woman　who　has　neither　heart　nor　sense；　you　are　in　love　with　her；　it　is　true；　but　that　is　not　a　reason　for　torturing　a　woman　who　can　not　defend　herself。〃

〃Let　Mlle。　Gautier　send　me　her　Comte　de　N。　and　the　sides　will　be　equal。〃

〃You　know　very　well　that　she　will　not　do　that。　So；　my　dear　Armand；　let　her　alone。　If　you　saw　her　you　would　be　ashamed　of　the　way　in　which　you　are　treating　her。　She　is　white；　she　coughsshe　won't　last　long　now。〃

And　Prudence　held　out　her　hand　to　me；　adding：

〃Come　and　see　her；　it　will　make　her　very　happy。〃

〃I　have　no　desire　to　meet　M。　de　N。〃

〃M。　de　N。　is　never　there。　She　can　not　endure　him。〃

〃If　Marguerite　wishes　to　see　me；　she　knows　where　I　live；　let　her　come　to　see　me；　but；　for　my　part；　I　will　never　put　foot　in　the　Rue　d'Antin。〃

〃Will　you　receive　her　well？〃

〃Certainly。〃

〃Well；　I　am　sure　that　she　will　come。〃

〃Let　her　come。〃

〃Shall　you　be　out　to…day？〃

〃I　shall　be　at　home　all　the　evening。〃

〃I　will　tell　her。〃

And　Prudence　left　me。

I　did　not　even　write　to　tell　Olympe　not　to　expect　me。　I　never　troubled　much　about　her；　scarcely　going　to　see　her　one　night　a　week。　She　consoled　herself；　I　believe；　with　an　actor　from　some　theatre　or　other。

I　went　out　for　dinner　and　came　back　almost　immediately。　I　had　a　fire　lit　in　my　room　and　I　told　Joseph　he　could　go　out。

I　can　give　you　no　idea　of　the　different　impressions　which　agitated　me　during　the　hour　in　which　I　waited；　but　when；　toward　nine　o'clock；　I　heard　a　ring；　they　thronged　together　into　one　such　emotion；　that；　as　I　opened　the　door；　I　was　obliged　to　lean　against　the　wall　to　keep　myself　from　falling。

Fortunately　the　anteroom　was　in　half　darkness；　and　the　change　in　my　countenance　was　less　visible。　Marguerite　entered。

She　was　dressed　in　black　and　veiled。　I　could　scarcely　recognise　her　face　through　the　veil。　She　went　into　the　drawing…room　and　raised　her　veil。　She　was　pale　as　marble。

〃I　am　here；　Armand；〃　she　said；　〃you　wished　to　see　me　and　I　have　come。〃

And　letting　her　head　fall　on　her　hands；　she　burst　into　tears。

I　went　up　to　her。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃　I　said　to　her　in　a　low　voice。

She　pressed　my　hand　without　a　word；　for　tears　still　veiled　her　voice。　But　after　a　few　minutes；　recovering　herself　a　little；　she　said　to　me：

〃You　have　been　very　unkind　to　me；　Armand；　and　I　have　done　nothing　to　you。〃

〃Nothing？〃　I　answered；　with　a　bitter　smile。

〃Nothing　but　what　circumstances　forced　me　to　do。〃

I　do　not　know　if　you　have　ever　in　your　life　experienced；　or　if　you　will　ever　experience；　what　I　felt　at　the　sight　of　Marguerite。

The　last　time　she　had　come　to　see　me　she　had　sat　in　the　same　place　where　she　was　now　sitting；　only；　since　then；　she　had　been　the　mistress　of　another　man；　other　kisses　than　mine　had　touched　her　lips；　toward　which；　in　spite　of　myself；　my　own　reached　out；　and　yet　I　felt　that　I　loved　this　woman　as　much；　more　perhaps；　than　I　had　ever　loved　her。

It　was　difficult　for　me　to　begin　the　conversation　on　the　subject　which　brought　her。　Marguerite　no　doubt　realized　it；　for　she　went　on：

〃I　have　come　to　trouble　you；　Armand；　for　I　have　two　things　to　ask：　pardon　for　what　I　said　yesterday　to　Mlle。　Olympe；　and　pity　for　what　you　are　perhaps　still　ready　to　do　to　me。　Intentionally　or　not；　since　your　return　you　have　given　me　so　much　pain　that　I　should　be　incapable　now　of　enduring　a　fourth　part　of　what　I　have　endured　till　now。　You　will　have　pity　on　me；　won't　you？　And　y