camille-第32部分

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Your　father　had　written　me　a　very　polite　letter；　in　order　that　I　might　consent　to　see　him；　he　did　not　present　himself　quite　as　he　had　written。　His　manner　at　first　was　so　stiff；　insolent；　and　even　threatening；　that　I　had　to　make　him　understand　that　I　was　in　my　own　house；　and　that　I　had　no　need　to　render　him　an　account　of　my　life；　except　because　of　the　sincere　affection　which　I　had　for　his　son。

M。　Duval　calmed　down　a　little；　but　still　went　on　to　say　that　he　could　not　any　longer　allow　his　son　to　ruin　himself　over　me；　that　I　was　beautiful；　it　was　true；　but；　however　beautiful　I　might　be；　I　ought　not　to　make　use　of　my　beauty　to　spoil　the　future　of　a　young　man　by　such　expenditure　as　I　was　causing。

At　that　there　was　only　one　thing　to　do；　to　show　him　the　proof　that　since　I　was　your　mistress　I　had　spared　no　sacrifice　to　be　faithful　to　you　without　asking　for　more　money　than　you　had　to　give　me。　I　showed　him　the　pawn　tickets；　the　receipts　of　the　people　to　whom　I　had　sold　what　I　could　not　pawn；　I　told　him　of　my　resolve　to　part　with　my　furniture　in　order　to　pay　my　debts；　and　live　with　you　without　being　a　too　heavy　expense。　I　told　him　of　our　happiness；　of　how　you　had　shown　me　the　possibility　of　a　quieter　and　happier　life；　and　he　ended　by　giving　in　to　the　evidence；　offering　me　his　hand；　and　asking　pardon　for　the　way　in　which　he　had　at　first　approached　me。

Then　he　said　to　me：

〃So；　madame；　it　is　not　by　remonstrances　or　by　threats；　but　by　entreaties；　that　I　must　endeavour　to　obtain　from　you　a　greater　sacrifice　than　you　have　yet　made　for　my　son。〃

I　trembled　at　this　beginning。

Your　father　came　over　to　me；　took　both　my　hands；　and　continued　in　an　affectionate　voice：

〃My　child；　do　not　take　what　I　have　to　say　to　you　amiss；　only　remember　that　there　are　sometimes　in　life　cruel　necessities　for　the　heart；　but　that　they　must　be　submitted　to。　You　are　good；　your　soul　has　generosity　unknown　to　many　women　who　perhaps　despise　you；　and　are　less　worthy　than　you。　But　remember　that　there　is　not　only　the　mistress；　but　the　family；　that　besides　love　there　are　duties；　that　to　the　age　of　passion　succeeds　the　age　when　man；　if　he　is　to　be　respected；　must　plant　himself　solidly　in　a　serious　position。　My　son　has　no　fortune；　and　yet　he　is　ready　to　abandon　to　you　the　legacy　of　his　mother。　If　he　accepted　from　you　the　sacrifice　which　you　are　on　the　point　of　making；　his　honour　and　dignity　would　require　him　to　give　you；　in　exchange　for　it；　this　income；　which　would　always　put　you　out　of　danger　of　adversity。　But　he　can　not　accept　this　sacrifice；　because　the　world；　which　does　not　know　you；　would　give　a　wrong　interpretation　to　this　acceptance；　and　such　an　interpretation　must　not　tarnish　the　name　which　we　bear。　No　one　would　consider　whether　Armand　loves　you；　whether　you　love　him；　whether　this　mutual　love　means　happiness　to　him　and　redemption　to　you；　they　would　see　only　one　thing；　that　Armand　Duval　allowed　a　kept　woman　（forgive　me；　my　child；　for　what　I　am　forced　to　say　to　you）　to　sell　all　she　had　for　him。　Then　the　day　of　reproaches　and　regrets　would　arrive；　be　sure；　for　you　or　for　others；　and　you　would　both　bear　a　chain　that　you　could　not　sever。　What　would　you　do　then？　Your　youth　would　be　lost；　my　son's　future　destroyed；　and　I；　his　father；　should　receive　from　only　one　of　my　children　the　recompense　that　I　look　for　from　both。

〃You　are　young；　beautiful；　life　will　console　you；　you　are　noble；　and　the　memory　of　a　good　deed　will　redeem　you　from　many　past　deeds。　During　the　six　months　that　he　has　known　you　Armand　has　forgotten　me。　I　wrote　to　him　four　times；　and　he　has　never　once　replied。　I　might　have　died　and　he　not　known　it！

〃Whatever　may　be　your　resolution　of　living　otherwise　than　as　you　have　lived；　Armand；　who　loves　you；　will　never　consent　to　the　seclusion　to　which　his　modest　fortune　would　condemn　you；　and　to　which　your　beauty　does　not　entitle　you。　Who　knows　what　he　would　do　then！　He　has　gambled；　I　know；　without　telling　you　of　it；　I　know　also；　but；　in　a　moment　of　madness；　he　might　have　lost　part　of　what　I　have　saved；　during　many　years；　for　my　daughter's　portion；　for　him；　and　for　the　repose　of　my　old　age。　What　might　have　happened　may　yet　happen。

〃Are　you　sure；　besides；　that　the　life　which　you　are　giving　up　for　him　will　never　again　come　to　attract　you？　Are　you　sure；　you　who　have　loved　him；　that　you　will　never　love　another？　Would　you　not…suffer　on　seeing　the　hindrances　set　by　your　love　to　your　lover's　life；　hindrances　for　which　you　would　be　powerless　to　console　him；　if；　with　age；　thoughts　of　ambition　should　succeed　to　dreams　of　love？　Think　over　all　that；　madame。　You　love　Armand；　prove　it　to　him　by　the　sole　means　which　remains　to　you　of　yet　proving　it　to　him；　by　sacrificing　your　love　to　his　future。　No　misfortune　has　yet　arrived；　but　one　will　arrive；　and　perhaps　a　greater　one　than　those　which　I　foresee。　Armand　might　become　jealous　of　a　man　who　has　loved　you；　he　might　provoke　him；　fight；　be　killed。　Think；　then；　what　you　would　suffer　in　the　presence　of　a　father　who　should　call　on　you　to　render　an　account　for　the　life　of　his　son！

〃Finally；　my　dear　child；　let　me　tell　you　all；　for　I　have　not　yet　told　you　all；　let　me　tell　you　what　has　brought　me　to　Paris。　I　have　a　daughter；　as　I　have　told　you；　young；　beautiful；　pure　as　an　angel。　She　loves；　and　she；　too；　has　made　this　love　the　dream　of　her　life。　I　wrote　all　that　to　Armand；　but；　absorbed　in　you；　he　made　no　reply。　Well；　my　daughter　is　about　to　marry。　She　is　to　marry　the　man　whom　she　loves；　she　enters　an　honourable　family；　which　requires　that　mine　has　to　be　no　less　honourable。　The　family　of　the　man　who　is　to　become　my　son…in…law　has　learned　what　manner　of　life　Armand　is　leading　in　Paris；　and　has　declared　to　me　that　the　marriage　must　be　broken　off　if　Armand　continues　this　life。　The　future　of　a　child　who　has　done　nothing　against　you；　and　who　has　the　right　of　looking　forward　to　a　happy　future；　is　in　your　hands。　Have　you　the　right；　have　you　the　strength；　to　shatter　it？　In　the　name　of　your　love　and　of　your　repentance；　Marguerite；　grant　me　the　happiness　of　my　child。〃

I　wept　silently；　my　friend；　at　all　these　reflections　which　I　had　so　often　made；　and　which；　in　the　mouth　of　your　father；　took　a　yet　more　serious　reality。　I　said　to　myself　all　that　your　father　dared　not　say　to　me；　though　it　had　come　to　his　lips　twenty　times：　that　I　was；　after　all；　only　a　kept　woman；　and　that　whatever　excuse　I　gave　for　our　liaison；　it　would　always　look　like　calculation　on　my　part；　that　my　past　life　left　me　no　right　to　dream　of　such　a　future；　and　that　I　was　accepting　responsibilities　for　which　my　habits　and　reputation　were　far　from　giving　any　guarantee。　In　short；　I　loved　you；　Armand。

The　paternal　way　in　which　M。　Duval　had　spoken　to　me；　the　pure　memories　that　he　awakened　in　me；　the　respect　of　this　old　man；　which　I　would　gain；　yours；　which　I　was　sure　of　gaining　later　on：　all　that　called　up　in　my　heart　thoughts　which　raised　me　in　my　own　eyes　with　a　sort　of　holy　pride；　unknown　till　then。　When　I　thought　that　one　day　this　old　man；　who　was　now　imploring　me　for　the　future　of　his　son；　would　bid　his　daughter　mingle　my　name　with　her　prayers；　as　the　name　of　a　mysterious　friend；　I　seemed　to　become　transformed；　and　I　felt　a　pride　in　myself。

The　exaltation　of　the　moment　perhaps　exaggerated　the　truth　of　these　impressions；　but　that　was　what　I　felt；　friend；　and　these　new　feelings　silenced　the　memory　of　the　happy　days　I　had　spent　with　you。

〃Tell　me；　sir；〃　I　said　to　your　father；　wiping　away　my　tears；　〃do　you　believe　that　I　love　your　son？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　M。　Duval。

〃With　a　disinterested　love？〃

〃Yes。

〃Do　you　believe　that　I　had　made　this　love　the　hope；　the　dream；　the　forgivenessof　my　life？〃

〃Implicitly。〃

〃Well；　sir；　embrace　me　once；　as　you　would　embrace　your　daughter；　and　I　swear　to　you　that　that　kiss；　the　only　chaste　kiss　I　have　ever　had；　will　make　me　strong　against　my　love；　and　that　within　a　week　your　son　will　be　once　more　at　your　side；　perhaps　unhappy　for　a　time；　but　cured　forever。〃

〃You　are　a　noble　child；〃　replied　your　father；　kissing　me　on　the　forehead；　〃and　you　are　making　an　attempt　for　which　God　will　reward　you；　but　I　greatly　fear　that　you　will　have　no　influence　upon　my　son。〃

〃Oh；　be　at　rest；　sir；　he　will　hate　me。〃

I　had　to　set　up　between　us；　as　much　for　me　as　for　you；　an　insurmountable　barrier。

I　wrote　to　Prudence　to　say　that　I　accepted　the　proposition　of　the　Comte　de　N。；　and　that　she　was　to　tell　him　that　I　would　sup　with　her　and　him。　I　sealed　the　letter；　and；　without　telling　him　what　it　contained；　asked　your　father　to　have　it　forwarded　to　its　address　on　reaching　Paris。

He　inquired　of　me　what　it　contained。

〃Your　son's　welfare；〃　I　answered。

Your　father　embraced　me　once　more。　I　felt　two　grateful　tears　on　my　forehead；　like　the　baptism　of　my　past　faults；　and　at　the　moment　when　I　consented　to　give　myself　up　to　another　man　I　glowed　with　pride　at　the　thought　of　what　I　was　redeeming　by　this　new　fault。

It　was　quite　natural；　Armand。　You　told　me　that　your　father　was　the　most　honest　man　in　the　world。

M。　Duval　returned　to　his　carriage；　and　set　out　for　Paris。

I　was　only　a　woman；　and　when　I　saw　you　again　I　could　not　help　weeping；　but　I　did　not　give　way。

Did　I　do　right？　That　is　what　I　ask　myself　to…day；　as　I　lie　ill　in　my　bed；　that　I　shall　never　leave；　perhaps；　until　I　am　dead。

You　are　witness　of　what　I　felt　as　the　hour　of　our　separation　approached；　your　father　was　no　longer　there　to　support　me；　and　there　was　a　moment　when　I　was　on　the　point　of　confessing　everything　to　you；　so　terrified　was　I　at　the　idea　that　you　were　going　to　bate　and　despise　me。

One　thing　which　you　will　not　believe；　perhaps；　Armand；　is　that　I　prayed　God　to　give　me　strength；　and　what　proves　that　he　accepted　my　sacrifice　is　that　he　gave　me　the　strength　for　which　I　prayed。

At　supper　I　still　had　need　of　aid；　for　I　could　not　think　of　what　I　was　going　to　do；　so　much　did　I　fear　that　my　courage　would　fail　me。　Who　would　ever　have　said　that　I；　Marguerite　Gautier；　would　have　suffered　so　at　the　mere　thought　of　a　new　lover？　I　drank　for　forgetfulness；　and　when　I　woke　next　day　I　was　beside　the　count。

That　is　the　whole　truth；　friend。　judge　me　and　pardon　me；　as　I　have　pardoned　you　for　all　the　wrong　that　you　have　done　me　since　that　day。



Chapter　26

What　followed　that　fat