四季随笔-the private papers of henry ryecroft(英文版)-第17部分

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ele。　My　strength　will　bear　but　a　certain　amount　of　conversation；　even　the　pleasantest；　and　before　long　I　desire　solitude；　which　is　rest。）
The　mere　sight　of　N…；　to　say　nothing　of　his　talk；　did　me　good。　If　appearances　can　ever　be　trusted；　there　are　few　men　who　get　more　enjoyment　out　of　life。　His　hardships　were　never　excessive；　they　did　not　affect　his　health　or　touch　his　spirits；　probably　he　is　in　every　way　a　better　man　for　having……as　he　says……〃gone　through　the　mill。〃　His　recollection　of　the　time　when　he　had　to　work　hard　for　a　five…　pound　note；　and　was　not　always　sure　of　getting　it；　obviously　lends　gusto　to　his　present　state　of　ease。　I　persuaded　him　to　talk　about　his　successes；　and　to　give　me　a　glimpse　of　their　meaning　in　solid　cash。　Last　Midsummer　day；　his　receipts　for　the　twelvemonth　were　more　than　two　thousand　pounds。　Nothing　wonderful；　of　course；　bearing　in　mind　what　some　men　are　making　by　their　pen；　but　very　good　for　a　writer　who　does　not　address　the　baser　throng。　Two　thousand　pounds　in　a　year！　I　gazed　at　him　with　wonder　and　admiration。
I　have　known　very　few　prosperous　men　of　letters；　N…　represents　for　me　the　best　and　brightest　side　of　literary　success。　Say　what　one　will　after　a　lifetime　of　disillusion；　the　author　who　earns　largely　by　honest　and　capable　work　is　among　the　few　enviable　mortals。　Think　of　N…'s　existence。　No　other　man　could　do　what　he　is　doing；　and　he　does　it　with　ease。　Two；　or　at　most　three；　hours'　work　a　day……and　that　by　no　means　every　day……suffices　to　him。　Like　all　who　write；　he　has　his　unfruitful　times；　his　mental　worries；　his　disappointments；　but　these　bear　no　proportion　to　the　hours　of　happy　and　effective　labour。　Every　time　I　see　him　he　looks　in　better　health；　for　of　late　years　he　has　taken　much　more　exercise；　and　he　is　often　travelling。　He　is　happy　in　his　wife　and　children；　the　thought　of　all　the　forts　and　pleasures　he　is　able　to　give　them　must　be　a　constant　joy　to　him；　were　he　to　die；　his　family　is　safe　from　want。　He　has　friends　and　acquaintances　as　many　as　he　desires；　congenial　folk　gather　at　his　table；　he　is　wele　in　pleasant　houses　near　and　far；　his　praise　is　upon　the　lips　of　all　whose　praise　is　worth　having。　With　all　this；　he　has　the　good　sense　to　avoid　manifest　dangers；　he　has　not　abandoned　his　privacy；　and　he　seems　to　be　in　no　danger　of　being　spoilt　by　good　fortune。　His　work　is　more　to　him　than　a　means　of　earning　money；　he　talks　about　a　book　he　has　in　hand　almost　as　freshly　and　keenly　as　in　the　old　days；　when　his　annual　ine　was　barely　a　couple　of　hundred。　I　note；　too；　that　his　leisure　is　not　swamped　with　the　publications　of　the　day；　he　reads　as　many　old　books　as　new；　and　keeps　many　of　his　early　enthusiasms。
He　is　one　of　the　men　I　heartily　like。　That　he　greatly　cares　for　me　I　do　not　suppose；　but　this　has　nothing　to　do　with　the　matter；　enough　that　he　likes　my　society　well　enough　to　make　a　special　journey　down　into　Devon。　I　represent　to　him；　of　course；　the　days　gone　by；　and　for　their　sake　he　will　always　feel　an　interest　in　me。　Being　ten　years　my　junior；　he　must　naturally　regard　me　as　an　old　buffer；　I　notice；　indeed；　that　he　is　just　a　little　too　deferential　at　moments。　He　feels　a　certain　respect　for　some　of　my　work；　but　thinks；　I　am　sure；　that　I　ceased　writing　none　too　soon……which　is　very　true。　If　I　had　not　been　such　a　lucky　fellow……if　at　this　moment　I　were　still　toiling　for　bread……it　is　probable　that　he　and　I　would　see　each　other　very　seldom；　for　N…　has　delicacy；　and　would　shrink　from　bringing　his　high…spirited　affluence　face　to　face　；　whilst　I；　on　the　other　hand；　should　hate　to　think　that　he　kept　up　my　acquaintance　from　a　sense　of　decency。　As　it　is　we　are　very　good　friends；　quite　unembarrassed；　and……for　a　couple　of　days……　really　enjoy　the　sight　and　hearing　of　each　other。　That　I　am　able　to　give　him　a　fortable　bedroom；　and　set　before　him　an　eatable　dinner；　flatters　my　pride。　If　I　chose　at　any　time　to　accept　his　hearty　invitation；　I　can　do　so　without　moral　twinges。
Two　thousand　pounds！　If；　at　N…'s　age；　I　had　achieved　that　ine；　what　would　have　been　the　result　upon　me？　Nothing　but　good；　I　know；　but　what　form　would　the　good　have　taken？　Should　I　have　bee　a　social　man；　a　giver　of　dinners；　a　member　of　clubs？　Or　should　I　merely　have　begun；　ten　years　sooner；　the　life　I　am　living　now？　That　is　more　likely。
In　my　twenties　I　used　to　say　to　myself：　what　a　splendid　thing　it　will　be　WHEN　I　am　the　possessor　of　a　thousand　pounds！　Well；　I　have　never　possessed　that　sum……never　anything　like　it……and　now　never　shall。　Yet　it　was　not　an　extravagant　ambition；　methinks；　however　primitive。
As　we　sat　in　the　garden　dusk；　the　scent　of　our　pipes　mingling　with　that　of　roses；　N…　said　to　me　in　a　laughing　tone：　〃e　now；　tell　me　how　you　felt　when　you　first　heard　of　your　legacy？〃　And　I　could　not　tell　him；　I　had　nothing　to　say；　no　vivid　recollection　of　the　moment　would　e　back　to　me。　I　am　afraid　N…　thought　he　had　been　indiscreet；　for　he　passed　quickly　to　another　subject。　Thinking　it　over　now；　I　see；　of　course；　that　it　would　be　impossible　to　put　into　words　the　feeling　of　that　supreme　moment　of　life。　It　was　not　joy　that　possessed　me；　I　did　not　exult；　I　did　not　lose　control　of　myself　in　any　way。　But　I　remember　drawing　one　or　two　deep　sighs；　as　if　all　at　once　relieved　of　some　distressing　burden　or　constraint。　Only　some　hours　after　did　I　begin　to　feel　any　kind　of　agitation。　That　night　I　did　not　close　my　eyes；　the　night　after　I　slept　longer　and　more　soundly　than　I　remember　to　have　done　for　a　score　of　years。　Once　or　twice　in　the　first　week　I　had　a　hysterical　feeling；　I　scarce　kept　myself　from　shedding　tears。　And　the　strange　thing　is　that　it　seems　to　have　happened　so　long　ago；　I　seem　to　have　been　a　free　man　for　many　a　twelvemonth；　instead　of　only　for　two。　Indeed；　that　is　what　I　have　often　thought　about　forms　of　true　happiness；　the　brief　are　quite　as　satisfying　as　those　that　last　long。　I　wanted；　before　my　death；　to　enjoy　liberty　from　care；　and　repose　in　a　place　I　love。　That　was　granted　me；　and；　had　I　known　it　only　for　one　whole　year；　the　sum　of　my　enjoyment　would　have　been　no　whit　less　than　if　I　live　to　savour　it　for　a　decade。
XXIV
The　honest　fellow　who　es　to　dig　in　my　garden　is　puzzled　to　account　for　my　peculiarities；　I　often　catch　a　look　of　wondering　speculation　in　his　eye　when　it　turns　upon　me。　It　is　all　because　I　will　not　let　him　lay　out　flower…beds　in　the　usual　way；　and　make　the　bit　of　ground　in　front　of　the　house　really　neat　and　ornamental。　At　first　he　put　it　down　to　meanness；　but　he　knows　by　now　that　that　cannot　be　the　explanation。　That　I　really　prefer　a　garden　so　poor　and　plain　that　every　cottager　would　be　ashamed　of　it；　he　cannot　bring　himself　to　believe；　and　of　course　I　have　long　since　given　up　trying　to　explain　myself。　The　good　man　probably　concludes　that　too　many　books　and　the　habit　of　solitude　have　somewhat　affected　what　he　would　call　my　〃reasons。〃
The　only　garden　flowers　I　care　for　are　the　quite　old…fashioned　roses；　sunflowers；　hollyhocks；　lilies　and　so　on；　and　these　I　like　to　see　growing　as　much　as　possible　as　if　they　were　wild。　Trim　and　symmetrical　beds　are　my　abhorrence；　and　most　of　the　flowers　which　are　put　into　them……hybrids　e……Jonesia；　Snooksia……hurt　my　eyes。　On　the　other　hand；　a　garden　is　a　garden；　and　I　would　not　try　to　introduce　into　it　the　flowers　which　are　my　solace　in　lanes　and　fields。　Foxgloves；　for　instance……it　would　pain　me　to　see　them　thus　transplanted。
I　think　of　foxgloves；　for　it　is　the　moment　of　their　glory。　Yesterday　I　went　to　the　lane　which　I　visit　every　year　at　this　time；　the　deep；　rutty　cart…track；　descending　between　banks　covered　with　giant　fronds　of　the　polypodium；　and　overhung　with　wych…elm　and　hazel；　to　that　cool；　grassy　nook　where　the　noble　flowers　hang　on　stems　all　but　of　my　own　height。　Nowhere　have　I　seen　finer　foxgloves。　I　suppose　they　rejoice　me　so　because　of　early　memories……　to　a　child　it　is　the　most　impressive　of　wild　flowers；　I　would　walk　miles　any　day　to　see　a　fine　cluster；　as　I　would　to　see　the　shining　of　purple　loosestrife　by　the　water　edge；　or　white　lilies　floating　upon　the　still　depth。
But　the　gardener　and　I　understand　each　other　as　soon　as　we　go　to　the　back　of　the　house；　and　get　among　the　vegetables。　On　that　ground　he　finds　me　perfectly　sane。　And　indeed　I　am　not　sure　that　the　kitchen　garden　does　not　give　me　more　pleasure　than　the　domain　of　flowers。　Every　morning　I　step　round　before　breakfast　to　see　how　things　are　〃ing　on。〃　It　is　happiness　to　note　the　swelling　of　pods；　the　healthy　vigour　of　potato　plants；　aye；　even　the　shooting　up　of　radishes　and　cress。　This　year　I　have　a　grove　of　Jerusalem　artichokes；　they　are　seven　or　eight　feet　high；　and　I　seem　to　get　vigour　as　I　look　at　the　stems　which　are　all　but　trunks；　at　the　great　beautiful　leaves。　Delightful；　too；　are　the　scarlet　runners；　which　have　to　be　propped　again　and　again；　or　they　would　break　down　under　the　abundance　of　their　yield。　It　is　a　treat　to　me　to　go　among　them　with　a　basket；　gathering；　I　feel　as　though　Nature　herself　showed　kindness　to　me；　in　giving　me　such　abundant　food。　How　fresh　and　wholesome　are　the　odours……especially　if　a　shower　has　fallen　not　long　ago！
I　have　some　magnificent　carrots　this　year……straight；　clean；　tapering；　the　colour　a　joy　to　look　upon。
XXV
For　two　things　do　my　thoughts　turn　now　and　then　to　London。　I　should　like　to　hear　the　long　note　of　a　master's　violin；　or　the　faultless　cadence　of　an　exquisite　voice；　and　I　should　like　to　see　pictures。　Music　and　painting　have　always　meant　much　to　me；　here　I　can　enjoy　them　only　in　memory。
Of　course　there　is　the　disfort　of　concert…hall　and　exhibition…　rooms。　My　pleasure　in　the　finest　music　would　be　greatly　spoilt　by　having　to　sit　amid　a　crowd；　with　some　idiot　audible　on　right　hand　or　left；　and　the　show　of　pictures　would　give　me　a　headache　in　the　first　quarter　of　an　hour。　Non　sum　qualis　eram　when　I　waited　several　hours　at　the　gallery　door　to　hear　Patti；　and　knew　not　a　moment's　fatigue　to　the　end　of　the　concert；　or　when；　at　the　Academy；　I　was　astonished　to　find　that　it　was　four　o'clock；　and　I　had　forgotten　food　since　breakfast。　The　truth　is；　I　do　not　much　enjoy　anything　nowadays　which　I　cannot　enjoy　ALONE。　It　sounds　morose；　I　imagine　the　ment　of　good　people　if　they　overheard　such　a　confession。　Ought　I；　in　truth；　to　be　ashamed　of　it？
I　always　read　the　newspaper　articles　on　exhibitions　of　pict