4 breaking dawn破晓-第56部分

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agreed　to　pay　it。　

But　as　Edward's　hand　curled　to　the　shape　of　my　face　like　satincovered　steel；　desire　raced　through　my　
driedout　veins；　singing　from　my　scalp　to　my　toes。　

He　arched　one　perfect　eyebrow；　waiting　for　me　to　speak。　

I　threw　my　arms　around　him。　

Again；　it　was　like　there　was　no　movement。　One　moment　I　stood　straight　and　still　as　a　statue；　in　the　same　
instant；　he　was　in　my　arms。　

Warm—or　at　least；　that　was　my　perception。　With　the　sweet；　delicious　scent　that　I'd　never　been　able　to　
really　take　in　with　my　dull　human　senses；　but　that　was　one　hundred　percent　Edward。　I　pressed　my　face　
into　his　smooth　chest。　

And　then　he　shifted　his　weight　unfortably。　Leaned　away　from　my　embrace。　I　stared　up　at　his　face；　
confused　and　frightened　by　the　rejection。　

〃Urn。。。　carefully；　Bella。　Ow。〃　

I　yanked　my　arms　away；　folding　them　behind　my　back　as　soon　as　I　understood。　



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I　was　too　strong。　

〃Oops；〃　I　mouthed。　

He　smiled　the　kind　of　smile　that　would　have　stopped　my　heart　if　it　were　still　beating。　

〃Don't　panic；　love；〃　he　said；　lifting　his　hand　to　touch　my　lips；　parted　in　horror。　〃You're　just　a　bit　stronger　
than　I　am　for　the　moment。〃　

My　eyebrows　pushed　together。　I'd　known　this；　too；　but　it　felt　more　surreal　than　any　other　part　of　this　
ultimately　surreal　moment。　I　was　stronger　than　Edward。　I'd　made　him　say　ow。　

His　hand　stroked　my　cheek　again；　and　I　all　but　forgot　my　distress　as　another　wave　of　desire　rippled　
through　my　motionless　body。　

These　emotions　were　so　much　stronger　than　I　was　used　to　that　it　was　hard　to　stick　to　one　train　of　
thought　despite　the　extra　room　in　my　head。　Each　new　sensation　overwhelmed　me。　I　remembered　Edward　
saying　once—his　voice　in　my　head　a　weak　shadow　pared　to　the　crystal；　musical　clarity　I　was　hearing　
now—that　his　kind；　our　kind；　were　easily　distracted。　I　could　see　why。　

I　made　a　concerted　effort　to　focus。　There　was　something　I　needed　to　say。　The　most　important　thing。　

Very　carefully；　so　carefully　that　the　movement　was　actually　discernible；　I　brought　my　right　arm　out　from　
behind　my　back　and　raised　my　hand　to　touch　his　cheek。　I　refused　to　let　myself　be　sidetracked　by　the　
pearly　color　of　my　hand　or　by　the　smooth　silk　of　his　skin　or　by　the　charge　that　zinged　in　my　fingertips。　

I　stared　into　his　eyes　and　heard　my　own　voice　for　the　first　time。　

〃I　love　you；〃　I　said；　but　it　sounded　like　singing。　My　voice　rang　and　shimmered　like　a　bell。　

His　answering　smile　dazzled　me　more　than　it　ever　had　when　I　was　human；　I　could　really　see　it　now。　

〃As　I　love　you；〃　he　told　me。　

He　took　my　face　between　his　hands　and　leaned　his　face　to　mine—slow　enough　to　remind　me　to　be　
careful。　He　

kissed　me；　soft　as　a　whisper　at　first；　and　then　suddenly　stronger；　fiercer。　I　tried　to　remember　to　be　gentle　
with　him；　but　it　was　hard　work　to　remember　anything　in　the　onslaught　of　sensation；　hard　to　hold　on　to　any　
coherent　thoughts。　

It　was　like　he'd　never　kissed　me—like　this　was　our　first　kiss。　And；　in　truth；　he'd　never　kissed　me　this　
way　before。　

It　almost　made　me　feel　guilty。　Surely　I　was　in　breach　of　the　contract。　I　couldn't　be　allowed　to　have　this；　
too。　

Though　I　didn't　need　oxygen；　my　breathing　sped；　raced　as　fast　as　it　had　when　I　was　burning。　This　was　a　
different　kind　of　fire。　




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Someone　cleared　his　throat。　Emmett。　I　recognized　the　deep　sound　at　once；　joking　and　annoyed　at　the　
same　time。　

I'd　forgotten　we　weren't　alone。　And　then　I　realized　that　the　way　I　was　curved　around　Edward　now　was　
not　exactly　polite　for　pany。　

Embarrassed；　I　halfstepped　away　in　another　instantaneous　movement。　

Edward　chuckled　and　stepped　with　me；　keeping　his　arms　tight　around　my　waist。　His　face　was　glowing　
—like　a　white　flame　burned　from　behind　his　diamond　skin。　

I　took　an　unnecessary　breath　to　settle　myself。　

How　different　this　kissing　was！　I　read　his　expression　as　I　pared　the　indistinct　human　memories　to　this　
clear；　intense　feeling。　He　looked。。。　a　little　smug。　

〃You've　been　holding　out　on　me；〃　I　accused　in　my　singing　voice；　my　eyes　narrowing　a　tiny　bit。　

He　laughed；　radiant　with　relief　that　it　was　all　over—the　fear；　the　pain；　the　uncertainties；　the　waiting；　all　of　
it　behind　us　now。　〃It　was　sort　of　necessary　at　the　time；〃　he　reminded　me。　〃Now　it's　your　turn　to　not　break　
me。〃　He　laughed　again。　

I　frowned　as　I　considered　that；　and　then　Edward　was　not　the　only　one　laughing。　

Carlisle　stepped　around　Emmett　and　walked　toward　me　swiftly；　his　eyes　were　only　slightly　wary；　but　
Jasper　shadowed　his　footsteps。　I'd　never　seen　Carlisle's　face　before　either；　not　really。　I　had　an　odd　urge　
to　blink—like　I　was　staring　at　the　sun。　

〃How　do　you　feel；　Bella？〃　Carlisle　asked。　

I　considered　that　for　a　sixtyfourth　of　a　second。　

〃Overwhelmed。　There's　so　much。　。。。〃　I　trailed　off；　listening　to　the　belltone　of　my　voice　again。　

〃Yes；　it　can　be　quite　confusing。〃　

I　nodded　one　fast；　jerky　bob。　〃But　I　feel　like　me。　Sort　of。　I　didn't　expect　that。〃　

Edward's　arms　squeezed　lightly　around　my　waist。　〃I　told　you　so；〃　he　whispered。　

〃You　are　quite　controlled；〃　Carlisle　mused。　〃More　so　than　　expected；　even　with　the　time　you　had　to　
prepare　yourself　mentally　for　this。〃　

I　thought　about　the　wild　mood　swings；　the　difficulty　concentrating；　and　whispered；　〃I'm　not　sure　about　
that。〃　

He　nodded　seriously；　and　then　his　jeweled　eyes　glittered　with　interest。　〃It　seems　like　we　did　something　
right　with　the　morphine　this　time。　Tell　me；　what　do　you　remember　of　the　transformation　process？〃　

I　hesitated；　intensely　aware　of　Edward's　breath　brushing　against　my　cheek；　sending　whispers　of　
electricity　through　my　skin。　



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〃Everything　was。。。　very　dim　before。　I　remember　the　baby　couldn't　breathe___〃　

I　looked　at　Edward；　momentarily　frightened　by　the　memory。　

〃Renesmee　is　healthy　and　well；〃　he　promised；　a　gleam　I'd　never　seen　before　in　his　eyes。　He　said　her　
name　with　an　understated　fervor。　A　reverence。　The　way　devout　people　talked　about　their　gods。　〃What　
do　you　remember　after　that？〃　

I　focused　on　my　poker　face。　I'd　never　been　much　of　a　liar。　〃It's　hard　to　remember。　It　was　so　dark　
before。　And　then。。。　I　opened　my　eyes　and　I　could　see　everything〃　

〃Amazing；〃　Carlisle　breathed；　his　eyes　alight。　

Chagrin　washed　through　me；　and　I　waited　for　the　heat　to　burn　in　my　cheeks　and　give　me　away。　And　then　
I　remembered　that　I　would　never　blush　again。　Maybe　that　would　protect　Edward　from　the　truth。　

I'd　have　to　find　a　way　to　tip　off　Carlisle；　though。　Someday。　If　he　ever　needed　to　create　another　vampire。　
That　possibility　seemed　very　unlikely；　which　made　me　feel　better　about　lying。　

〃I　want　you　to　think—to　tell　me　everything　you　remember；〃　Carlisle　pressed　excitedly；　and　I　couldn't　
help　the　grimace　that　flashed　across　my　face。　I　didn't　want　to　have　to　keep　lying；　because　I　might　slip　up。　
And　I　didn't　want　to　think　about　the　burning。　Unlike　the　human　memories；　that　part　was　perfectly　clear　
and　I　found　I　could　remember　it　with　far　too　much　precision。　

〃Oh；　I'm　so　sorry；　Bella；〃　Carlisle　apologized　immediately。　〃Of　course　your　thirst　must　be　very　
unfortable。　This　conversation　can　wait。〃　

Until　he'd　mentioned　it；　the　thirst　actually　wasn't　unmanageable。　There　was　so　much　room　in　my　head。　A　
separate　part　of　my　brain　was　keeping　tabs　on　the　burn　in　my　throat；　almost　like　a　reflex。　The　way　my　old　
brain　had　handled　breathing　and　blinking。　

But　Carlisle's　assumption　brought　the　burn　to　the　forefront　of　my　mind。　Suddenly；　the　dry　ache　was　all　I　
could　think　about；　and　the　more　I　thought　about　it；　the　more　it　hurt。　My　hand　flew　up　to　cup　my　throat；　
like　I　could　smother　the　flames　from　the　outside。　The　skin　of　my　neck　was　strange　beneath　my　fingers。　So　
smooth　it　was　somehow　soft；　though　it　was　hard　as　stone；　too。　

Edward　dropped　his　arms　and　took　my　other　hand；　tugging　gently。　〃Let's　hunt；　Bella。〃　

My　eyes　opened　wider　and　the　pain　of　the　thirst　receded；　shock　taking　its　place。　

Me？　Hunt？　With　Edward？　But。。。　how？　I　didn't　know　what　to　do。　

He　read　the　alarm　in　my　expression　and　smiled　encouragingly。　〃It's　quite　easy；　love。　Instinctual。　Don't　
worry；　I'll　show　you。〃　When　I　didn't　move；　he　grinned　his　crooked　smile　and　raised　his　eyebrows。　〃I　was　
under　the　impression　that　you'd　always　wanted　to　see　me　hunt。〃　

I　laughed　in　a　short　burst　of　humor　（part　of　me　listened　in　wonder　to　the　pealing　bell　sound）　as　his　words　
reminded　me　of　cloudy　human　conversations。　And　then　I　took　a　whole　second　to　run　quickly　through　
those　first　days　




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with　Edward—the　true　beginning　of　my　life—in　my　head　so　that　I　would　never　forget　them。　I　did　not　
expect　that　it　would　be　so　unfortable　to　remember。　Like　trying　to　squint　through　muddy　water。　I　
knew　from　Rosalie's　experience　that　if　I　thought　of　my　human　memories　enough；　I　would　not　lose　them　
over　time。　I　did　not　want　to　forget　one　minute　I'd　spent　with　Edward；　even　now；　when　eternity　stretched　
in　front　of　us。　i　would　have　to　make　sure　those　human　memories　were　cemented　into　my　infallible　vampire　
mind。　

〃Shall　we？〃　Edward　asked。　He　reached　up　to　take　the　hand　that　was　still　at　my　neck。　His　fingers　
smoothed　down　the　column　of　my　throat。　〃I　don't　want　you　to　be　hurting；〃　he　added　in　a　low　murmur。　
Something　I　would　not　have　been　able　to　hear　before。　

Tm　fine；〃　I　said　out　of　lingering　human　habit。　〃Wait。　First。〃　

There　was　so　much。　I'd　never　gotten　to　my　questions。　There　were　more　important　things　than　the　ache。　

It　was　Carlisle　who　spoke　now。　〃Yes？〃　

〃I　want　to　see　her。　Renesmee。〃　

It　was　oddly　difficult　to　say　her　name。　My　daughter；　these　words　were　even　harder　to　think。　It　all　
seemed　so　distant。　I　tried　to　remember　how　I　had　felt　three　days　ago；　and　automatically；　my　hands　pulled　
free　of　Edward's　and　dropped　to　my　stomach。　

Flat。　Empty。　I　clutched　at　the　pale　silk　that　co