01-the kreutzer sonata-第4部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！



innocent　in　a　young　man。　I　did　not　understand　that　it　was　a　fall；

and　I　began　to　give　myself　to　those　pleasures　（partly　from　desire

and　partly　from　necessity）　which　I　was　led　to　believe　were

characteristic　of　my　age；　just　as　I　had　begun　to　drink　and　smoke。



〃And　yet　there　was　in　this　first　fall　something　peculiar　and

touching。　　I　remember　that　straightway　I　was　filled　with　such　a

profound　sadness　that　I　had　a　desire　to　weep；　to　weep　over　the

loss　forever　of　my　relations　with　woman。　　Yes；　my　relations　with

woman　were　lost　forever。　　Pure　relations　with　women；　from　that

time　forward；　I　could　no　longer　have。　　I　had　become　what　is

called　a　voluptuary；　and　to　be　a　voluptuary　is　a　physical

condition　like　the　condition　of　a　victim　of　the　morphine　habit；

of　a　drunkard；　and　of　a　smoker。



〃Just　as　the　victim　of　the　morphine　habit；　the　drunkard；　the

smoker；　is　no　longer　a　normal　man；　so　the　man　who　has　known

several　women　for　his　pleasure　is　no　longer　normal？　　He　is

abnormal　forever。　　He　is　a　voluptuary。　　Just　as　the　drunkard　and

the　victim　of　the　morphine　habit　may　be　recognized　by　their　face

and　manner；　so　we　may　recognize　a　voluptuary。　　He　may　repress

himself　and　struggle；　but　nevermore　will　he　enjoy　simple；　pure；

and　fraternal　relations　toward　woman。　　By　his　way　of　glancing　at

a　young　woman　one　may　at　once　recognize　a　voluptuary；　and　I

became　a　voluptuary；　and　I　have　remained　one。



　

CHAPTER　VI。



〃Yes；　so　it　is；　and　that　went　farther　and　farther　with　all　sorts

of　variations。　　My　God！　when　I　remember　all　my　cowardly　acts　and

bad　deeds；　I　am　frightened。　　And　I　remember　that　'me'　who；　during

that　period；　was　still　the　butt　of　his　comrades'　ridicule　on

account　of　his　innocence。



〃And　when　I　hear　people　talk　of　the　gilded　youth；　of　the

officers；　of　the　Parisians；　and　all　these　gentlemen；　and　myself；

living　wild　lives　at　the　age　of　thirty；　and　who　have　on　our

consciences　hundreds　of　crimes　toward　women；　terrible　and　varied；

when　we　enter　a　parlor　or　a　ball…room；　washed；　shaven；　and

perfumed；　with　very　white　linen；　in　dress　coats　or　in　uniform；　as

emblems　of　purity；　oh；　the　disgust！　　There　will　surely　come　a

time；　an　epoch；　when　all　these　lives　and　all　this　cowardice　will

be　unveiled！



〃So；　nevertheless；　I　lived；　until　the　age　of　thirty；　without

abandoning　for　a　minute　my　intention　of　marrying；　and　building　an

elevated　conjugal　life；　and　with　this　in　view　I　watched　all　young

girls　who　might　suit　me。　　I　was　buried　in　rottenness；　and　at　the

same　time　I　looked　for　virgins；　whose　purity　was　worthy　of　me！　

Many　of　them　were　rejected：　they　did　not　seem　to　me　pure　enough！



〃Finally　I　found　one　that　I　considered　on　a　level　with　myself。　

She　was　one　of　two　daughters　of　a　landed　proprietor　of　Penza；

formerly　very　rich　and　since　ruined。　　To　tell　the　truth；　without

false　modesty；　they　pursued　me　and　finally　captured　me。　　The

mother　（the　father　was　away）　laid　all　sorts　of　traps；　and　one　of

these；　a　trip　in　a　boat；　decided　my　future。



〃I　made　up　my　mind　at　the　end　of　the　aforesaid　trip　one　night；　by

moonlight；　on　our　way　home；　while　I　was　sitting　beside　her。　　I

admired　her　slender　body；　whose　charming　shape　was　moulded　by　a

jersey；　and　her　curling　hair；　and　I　suddenly　concluded　that　THIS

WAS　SHE。　　It　seemed　to　me　on　that　beautiful　evening　that　she

understood　all　that　I　thought　and　felt；　and　I　thought　and　felt

the　most　elevating　things。



〃Really；　it　was　only　the　jersey　that　was　so　becoming　to　her；　and

her　curly　hair；　and　also　the　fact　that　I　had　spent　the　day　beside

her；　and　that　I　desired　a　more　intimate　relation。



〃I　returned　home　enthusiastic；　and　I　persuaded　myself　that　she

realized　the　highest　perfection；　and　that　for　that　reason　she　was

worthy　to　be　my　wife；　and　the　next　day　I　made　to　her　a　proposal

of　marriage。



〃No；　say　what　you　will；　we　live　in　such　an　abyss　of　falsehood；

that；　unless　some　event　strikes　us　a　blow　on　the　head；　as　in　my

case；　we　cannot　awaken。　　What　confusion！　　Out　of　the　thousands　of

men　who　marry；　not　only　among　us；　but　also　among　the　people；

scarcely　will　you　find　a　single　one　who　has　not　previously

married　at　least　ten　times。　　（It　is　true　that　there　now　exist；　at

least　so　I　have　heard；　pure　young　people　who　feel　and　know　that

this　is　not　a　joke；　but　a　serious　matter。　　May　God　come　to　their

aid！　　But　in　my　time　there　was　not　to　be　found　one　such　in　a

thousand。）



〃And　all　know　it；　and　pretend　not　to　know　it。　　In　all　the　novels

are　described　down　to　the　smallest　details　the　feelings　of　the

characters；　the　lakes　and　brambles　around　which　they　walk；　but；

when　it　comes　to　describing　their　GREAT　love；　not　a　word　is

breathed　of　what　HE；　the　interesting　character；　has　previously

done；　not　a　word　about　his　frequenting　of　disreputable　houses；　or

his　association　with　nursery…maids；　cooks；　and　the　wives　of

others。



〃And　if　anything　is　said　of　these　things；　such　IMPROPER　novels

are　not　allowed　in　the　hands　of　young　girls。　　All　men　have　the

air　of　believing；　in　presence　of　maidens；　that　these　corrupt

pleasures；　in　which　EVERYBODY　takes　part；　do　not　exist；　or　exist

only　to　a　very　small　extent。　　They　pretend　it　so　carefully　that

they　succeed　in　convincing　themselves　of　it。　　As　for　the　poor

young　girls；　they　believe　it　quite　seriously；　just　as　my　poor

wife　believed　it。



〃I　remember　that；　being　already　engaged；　I　showed　her　my

'memoirs；'　from　which　she　could　learn　more　or　less　of　my　past；

and　especially　my　last　liaison　which　she　might　perhaps　have

discovered　through　the　gossip　of　some　third　party。　　It　was　for

this　last　reason；　for　that　matter；　that　I　felt　the　necessity　of

communicating　these　memoirs　to　her。　　I　can　still　see　her　fright；

her　despair；　her　bewilderment；　when　she　had　learned　and

understood　it。　　She　was　on　the　point　of　breaking　the　engagement。　

What　a　lucky　thing　it　would　have　been　for　both　of　us！〃



Posdnicheff　was　silent　for　a　moment；　and　then　resumed：



〃After　all；　no！　　It　is　better　that　things　happened　as　they　did；

better！〃　he　cried。　　〃It　was　a　good　thing　for　me。　　Besides；　it

makes　no　difference。　　I　was　saying　that　in　these　cases　it　is　the

poor　young　girls　who　are　deceived。　　As　for　the　mothers；　the

mothers　especially；　informed　by　their　husbands；　they　know　all；

and；　while　pretending　to　believe　in　the　purity　of　the　young　man；

they　act　as　if　they　did　not　believe　in　it。



〃They　know　what　bait　must　be　held　out　to　people　for　themselves

and　their　daughters。　　We　men　sin　through　ignorance；　and　a

determination　not　to　learn。　　As　for　the　women；　they　know　very

well　that　the　noblest　and　most　poetic　love；　as　we　call　it；

depends；　not　on　moral　qualities；　but　on　the　physical　intimacy；

and　also　on　the　manner　of　doing　the　hair；　and　the　color　and

shape。



〃Ask　an　experienced　coquette；　who　has　undertaken　to　seduce　a　man；

which　she　would　prefer；to　be　convicted；　in　presence　of　the　man

whom　she　is　engaged　in　conquering；　of　falsehood；　perversity；

cruelty；　or　to　appear　before　him　in　an　ill…fitting　dress；　or　a

dress　of　an　unbecoming　color。　　She　will　prefer　the　first

alternative。　　She　knows　very　well　that　we　simply　lie　when　we　talk

of　our　elevated　sentiments；　that　we　seek　only　the　possession　of

her　body；　and　that　because　of　that　we　will　forgive　her　every　sort

of　baseness；　but　will　not　forgive　her　a　costume　of　an　ugly　shade；

without　taste　or　fit。



〃And　these　things　she　knows　by　reason；　where　as　the　maiden　knows

them　only　by　instinct；　like　the　animal。　　Hence　these　abominable

jerseys；　these　artificial　humps　on　the　back；　these　bare

shoulders；　arms；　and　throats。



〃Women；　especially　those　who　have　passed　through　the　school　of

marriage；　know　very　well　that　conversations　upon　elevated

subjects　are　only　conversations；　and　that　man　seeks　and　desires

the　body　and　all　that　ornaments　the　body。　Consequently；　they　act

accordingly？　　If　we　reject　conventional　explanations；　and　view

the　life　of　our　upper　and　lower　classes　as　it　is；　with　all　its

shamelessness；　it　is　only　a　vast　perversity。　　You　do　not　share

this　opinion？　　Permit　me；　I　am　going　to　prove　it　to　you　（said　he；

interrupting　me）。



〃You　say　that　the　women　of　our　society　live　for　a　different

interest　from　that　which　actuates　fallen　women。　　And　I　say　no；

and　I　am　going　to　prove　it　to　you。　　If　beings　differ　from　one

another　according　to　the　purpose　of　their　life；　according　to

their　INNER　LIFE；　this　will　necessarily　be　reflected　also　in

their　OUTER　LIFE；　and　their　exterior　will　be　very　different。　

Well；　then；　compare　the　wretched；　the　despised；　with　the　women　of

the　highest　society：　the　same　dresses；　the　same　fashions；　the

same　perfumeries；　the　same　passion　for　jewelry；　for　brilliant　and

very　expensive　articles；　the　same　amusements；　dances；　music；　and

songs。　　The　former　attract　by　all　possible　means；　so　do　the

latter。　　No　difference；　none　whatever！



〃Yes；　and　I；　too；　was　captivated　by　jerseys；　bustles；　and　curly

hair。



　　

CHAPTER　VII。



〃And　it　was　very　easy　to　capture　me；　since　I　was　brought　up

under　artificial　conditions；　like　cucumbers　in　a　hothouse。　　Our

too　abundant　nourishment；　together　with　complete　physical

idleness；　is　nothing　but　systematic　excitement　of　the

imagination。　　The　men　of　our　society　are　fed　and　kept　like

reproductive　stallions。　　It　is　sufficient　to　close　the

valve；that　is；　for　a　young　man　to　live　a　quiet　life　for　some

time；to　produce　as　an　immediate　result　a　restlessness；　which；

becoming　exaggerated　by　reflection　through　the　prism　of　our

unnatural　life；　provokes　the　illusion　of　love。



〃All　our　idyls　and　marriage；　all；　are　the　result　for　the　most

part　of　our　eating。　　Does　that　astonish　you？　　For　my　part；　I　am

astonished　that　we　do　not　see　it。　　Not　far　from　my　estate　this

spring　some　moujiks　were　working　on　a　railway　embankment。　　You

know　what　a　peasant's　food　is；bread；　kvass；*　onions。　　With　this

frugal　nourishment　he　lives；　he　is　alert；　he　makes　light