a house-boat on the styx-第2部分

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title　we　wish　Charon　to　assume　is　neither　Captain　nor　Senator；　it　is

Janitor。〃



〃What's　that？〃　asked　Charon；　a　little　disappointed。　　〃What　does　a

Janitor　have　to　do？〃



〃He　has　to　look　after　things　in　the　house；〃　explained　Sir　Walter。

〃He's　a　sort　of　proprietor　by　proxy。　　We　want　you　to　take　charge　of

the　house；　and　see　to　it　that　the　boat　is　kept　shipshape。〃



〃Where　is　the　house？〃　queried　the　astonished　boatman。



〃This　is　it；〃　said　Sir　Walter。　　〃This　is　the　house；　and　the　boat　too。

In　fact；　it　is　a　house…boat。〃



〃Then　it　isn't　a　new…fangled　scheme　to　drive　me　out　of　business？〃

said　Charon；　warily。



〃Not　at　all；〃　returned　Sir　Walter。　　〃It's　a　new…fangled　scheme　to　set

you　up　in　business。　　We'll　pay　you　a　large　salary；　and　there　won't　be

much　to　do。　　You　are　the　best　man　for　the　place；　because；　while　you

don't　know　much　about　houses；　you　do　know　a　great　deal　about　boats；

and　the　boat　part　is　the　most　important　part　of　a　house…boat。　　If　the

boat　sinks；　you　can't　save　the　house；　but　if　the　house　burns；　you　may

be　able　to　save　the　boat。　　See？〃



〃I　think　I　do；　sir；〃　said　Charon。



〃Another　reason　why　we　want　to　employ　you　for　Janitor；〃　said

Confucius；　〃is　that　our　club　wants　to　be　in　direct　communication　with

both　sides　of　the　Styx；　and　we　think　you　as　Janitor　would　be　able　to

make　better　arrangements　for　transportation　with　yourself　as　boatman；

than　some　other　man　as　Janitor　could　make　with　you。〃



〃Spoken　like　a　sage；〃　said　Demosthenes。



〃Furthermore；〃　said　Cassius；　〃occasionally　we　shall　want　to　have　this

boat　towed　up　or　down　the　river；　according　to　the　house　committee's

pleasure；　and　we　think　it　would　be　well　to　have　a　Janitor　who　has

some　influence　with　the　towing　company　which　you　represent。〃



〃Can't　this　boat　be　moved　without　towing？〃　asked　Charon。



〃No；〃　said　Cassius。



〃And　I'm　the　only　man　who　can　tow　it；　eh？〃



〃You　are；〃　said　Blackstone。　　〃Worse　luck。〃



〃And　you　want　me　to　be　Janitor　on　a　salary　of　what？〃



〃A　hundred　oboli　a　month；〃　said　Sir　Walter；　uneasily。



〃Very　well；　gentlemen；〃　said　Charon。　　〃I'll　accept　the　office　on　a

salary　of　two　hundred　oboli　a　month；　with　Saturdays　off。〃



The　committee　went　into　executive　session　for　five　minutes；　and　on

their　return　informed　Charon　that　in　behalf　of　the　Associated　Shades

they　accepted　his　offer。



〃In　behalf　of　what？〃　the　old　man　asked。



〃The　Associated　Shades；〃　said　Sir　Walter。　　〃The　swellest　organization

in　Hades；　whose　new　house…boat　you　are　now　on　board　of。　　When　shall

you　be　ready　to　begin　work？〃



〃Right　away；〃　said　Charon；　noting　by　the　clock　that　it　was　the　hour

of　midnight。　　〃I'll　start　in　right　away；　and　as　it　is　now　Saturday

morning；　I'll　begin　by　taking　my　day　off。〃







CHAPTER　II：　　A　DISPUTED　AUTHORSHIP







〃How　are　you；　Charon？〃　said　Shakespeare；　as　the　Janitor　assisted　him

on　board。　　〃Any　one　here　to…night？〃



〃Yes；　sir；〃　said　Charon。　　〃Lord　Bacon　is　up　in　the　library；　and

Doctor　Johnson　is　down　in　the　billiard…room；　playing　pool　with　Nero。〃



〃Ha…ha！〃　laughed　Shakespeare。　　〃Pool；　eh？　　Does　Nero　play　pool？〃



〃Not　as　well　as　he　does　the　fiddle；　sir；〃　said　the　Janitor；　with　a

twinkle　in　his　eye。



Shakespeare　entered　the　house　and　tossed　up　an　obolus。　　〃Heads

Bacon；　tailspool　with　Nero　and　Johnson；〃　he　said。



The　coin　came　down　with　heads　up；　and　Shakespeare　went　into　the　pool…

room；　just　to　show　the　Fates　that　he　didn't　care　a　tuppence　for　their

verdict　as　registered　through　the　obolus。　　It　was　a　peculiar　custom

of　Shakespeare's　to　toss　up　a　coin　to　decide　questions　of　little

consequence；　and　then　do　the　thing　the　coin　decided　he　should　not　do。

It　showed；　in　Shakespeare's　estimation；　his　entire　independence　of

those　dull　persons　who　supposed　that　in　them　was　centred　the　destiny

of　all　mankind。　　The　Fates；　however；　only　smiled　at　these　little　acts

of　rebellion；　and　it　was　common　gossip　in　Erebus　that　one　of　the　trio

had　told　the　Furies　that　they　had　observed　Shakespeare's　tendency　to

kick　over　the　traces；　and　always　acted　accordingly。　　They　never　let

the　coin　fall　so　as　to　decide　a　question　the　way　they　wanted　it；　so

that　unwittingly　the　great　dramatist　did　their　will　after　all。　　It

was　a　part　of　their　plan　that　upon　this　occasion　Shakespeare　should

play　pool　with　Doctor　Johnson　and　the　Emperor　Nero；　and　hence　it　was

that　the　coin　bade　him　repair　to　the　library　and　chat　with　Lord

Bacon。



〃Hullo；　William；〃　said　the　Doctor；　pocketing　three　balls　on　the

break。　　〃How's　our　little　Swanlet　of　Avon　this　afternoon？〃



〃Worn　out；〃　Shakespeare　replied。　　〃I've　been　hard　at　work　on　a　play

this　morning；　and　I'm　tired。〃



〃All　work　and　no　play　makes　Jack　a　dull　boy；〃　said　Nero；　grinning

broadly。



〃You　are　a　bright　spirit；〃　said　Shakespeare；　with　a　sigh。　　〃I　wish　I

had　thought　to　work　you　up　into　a　tragedy。〃



〃I've　often　wondered　why　you　didn't；〃　said　Doctor　Johnson。　　〃He'd

have　made　a　superb　tragedy；　Nero　would。　　I　don't　believe　there　was

any　kind　of　a　crime　he　left　uncommitted。　　Was　there；　Emperor？〃



〃Yes。　　I　never　wrote　an　English　dictionary；〃　returned　the　Emperor；

dryly。　　〃I've　murdered　everything　but　English；　though。〃



〃I　could　have　made　a　fine　tragedy　out　of　you；〃　said　Shakespeare。

〃Just　think　what　a　dreadful　climax　for　a　tragedy　it　would　be；

Johnson；　to　have　Nero；　as　the　curtain　fell；　playing　a　violin　solo。〃



〃Pretty　good；〃　returned　the　Doctor。　　〃But　what's　the　use　of　killing

off　your　audience　that　way？　　It's　better　business　to　let　'em　live；　I

say。　　Suppose　Nero　gave　a　London　audience　that　little　musicale　he

provided　at　Queen　Elizabeth's　Wednesday　night。　　How　many　purely

mortal　beings；　do　you　think；　would　have　come　out　alive？〃



〃Not　one；〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃I　was　mighty　glad　that　night　that　we

were　an　immortal　band。　　If　it　had　been　possible　to　kill　us　we'd　have

died　then　and　there。〃



〃That's　all　right；〃　said　Nero；　with　a　significant　shake　of　his　head。

〃As　my　friend　Bacon　makes　Ingo　say；　'Beware；　my　lord；　of　jealousy。'

You　never　could　play　a　garden　hose；　much　less　a　fiddle。〃



〃What　do　you　mean　my　attributing　those　words　to　Bacon？〃　demanded

Shakespeare；　getting　red　in　the　face。



〃Oh；　come　now；　William；〃　remonstrated　Nero。　　〃It's　all　right　to　pull

the　wool　over　the　eyes　of　the　mortals。　　That's　what　they're　there

for；　but　as　for　uswe're　all　in　the　secret　here。　　What's　the　use　of

putting　on　nonsense　with　us？〃



〃We'll　see　in　a　minute　what　the　use　is；〃　retorted　the　Avonian。

〃We'll　have　Bacon　down　here。〃　　Here　he　touched　an　electric　button；

and　Charon　came　in　answer。



〃Charon；　bring　Doctor　Johnson　the　usual　glass　of　ale。　　Get　some　ice

for　the　Emperor；　and　ask　Lord　Bacon　to　step　down　here　a　minute。〃



〃I　don't　want　any　ice；〃　said　Nero。



〃Not　now；〃　retorted　Shakespeare；　〃but　you　will　in　a　few　minutes。

When　we　have　finished　with　you；　you'll　want　an　iceberg。　　I'm　getting

tired　of　this　idiotic　talk　about　not　having　written　my　own　works。

There's　one　thing　about　Nero's　music　that　I've　never　said；　because　I

haven't　wanted　to　hurt　his　feelings；　but　since　he　has　chosen　to　cast

aspersions　upon　my　honesty　I　haven't　any　hesitation　in　saying　it　now。

I　believe　it　was　one　of　his　fiddlings　that　sent　Nature　into

convulsions　and　caused　the　destruction　of　Pompeiiso　there！　　Put

that　on　your　music　rack　and　fiddle　it；　my　little　Emperor。〃



Nero's　face　grew　purple　with　anger；　and　if　Shakespeare　had　been

anything　but　a　shade　he　would　have　fared　ill；　for　the　enraged　Roman；

poising　his　cue　on　high　as　though　it　were　a　lance；　hurled　it　at　the

impertinent　dramatist　with　all　his　strength；　and　with　such　accuracy

of　aim　withal　that　it　pierced　the　spot　beneath　which　in　life　the

heart　of　Shakespeare　used　to　beat。



〃Good　shot；〃　said　Doctor　Johnson；　nonchalantly。　　〃If　you　had　been　a

mortal；　William；　it　would　have　been　the　end　of　you。〃



〃You　can't　kill　me；〃　said　Shakespeare；　shrugging　his　shoulders。　　〃I

know　seven　dozen　actors　in　the　United　States　who　are　trying　to　do　it；

but　they　can't。　　I　wish　they'd　try　to　kill　a　critic　once　in　a　while

instead　of　me；　though；〃　he　added。　　〃I　went　over　to　Boston　one　night

last　week；　and；　unknown　to　anybody；　I　waylaid　a　fellow　who　was　to

play　Hamlet　that　night。　　I　drugged　him；　and　went　to　the　theatre　and

played　the　part　myself。　　It　was　the　coldest　house　you　ever　saw　in

your　life。　　When　the　audience　did　applaud；　it　sounded　like　an　ice…man

chopping　up　ice　with　a　small　pick。　　Several　times　I　looked　up　at　the

galleries　to　see　if　there　were　not　icicles　growing　on　them；　it　was　so

cold。　　Well；　I　did　the　best　could　with　the　part；　and　next　morning

watched　curiously　for　the　criticisms。〃



〃Favorable？〃　asked　the　Doctor。



〃They　all　dismissed　me　with　a　line；〃　said　the　dramatist。　　〃Said　my

conception　of　the　part　was　not　Shakespearian。　　And　that's　criticism！〃



〃No；〃　said　the　shade　of　Emerson；　which　had　strolled　in　while

Shakespeare　was　talking；　〃that　isn't　criticism；　that's　Boston。〃



〃Who　discovered　Boston；　anyhow？〃　asked　Doctor　Johnson。　　〃It　wasn't

Columbus；　was　it？〃



〃Oh　no；〃　said　Emerson。　　〃Old　Governor　Winthrop　is　to　blame　for　that。

When　he　settled　at　Charlestown　he　saw　the　old　Indian　town　of　Shawmut

across　the　Charles。〃



〃And　Shawmut　was　the　Boston　microbe；　was　it？〃　asked　Johnson。



〃Yes；〃　said　Emerson。



〃Spelt　with　a　P；　I　suppose？〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃P…S…H…A…W；　Pshaw；　M…

U…T；　mut；　Pshawmut；　so　called　because　the　inhabitants　are　always

muttering　pshaw。　　Eh？〃



〃Pretty　good；〃　said　Johnson。　　〃I　wish　I'd　said　that。〃



〃Well；　tell　Boswell；〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃He'll　make　you　say　it；　and

it'll　be　all　the　same　in　a　hundred　years。〃



Lord　Bacon；　accompanied　by　Charon　and　the　ice　for　Nero　and　the　ale

for　Doctor　Johnson；　appeared　as　Shakespeare　spoke。　　The　philosopher

bowed　stiffly　at　Doctor　Johnson；　as　though　he　hardly　approved　of　him；

extended　his　left　hand　to　Shak