part 2-第11部分

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He　threw　back　his　head　and　looked　at　his　pupil　intently



with　that　one　eye　which　sometimes　seemed　to　see　deeper



than　any　two　eyes；　as　if　its　singleness　gave　it　privileges。



〃Oh；　I　have　watched　you　very　carefully；　Miss　Kronborg。



Because　you　had　had　so　little　and　had　yet　done　so　much　for



yourself；　I　had　a　great　wish　to　help　you。　　I　believe　that　the















strongest　need　of　your　nature　is　to　find　yourself；　to　emerge



AS　yourself。　　Until　I　heard　you　sing　I　wondered　how　you



were　to　do　this；　but　it　has　grown　clearer　to　me　every



day。〃







　　　　　Thea　looked　away　toward　the　window　with　hard；　nar…



row　eyes。　　〃You　mean　I　can　be　a　singer　because　I　haven't



brains　enough　to　be　a　pianist。〃







　　　　　〃You　have　brains　enough　and　talent　enough。　　But　to　do



what　you　will　want　to　do；　it　takes　more　than　theseit



takes　vocation。　　Now；　I　think　you　have　vocation；　but　for



the　voice；　not　for　the　piano。　　If　you　knew；〃he　stopped



and　sighed；〃if　you　knew　how　fortunate　I　sometimes



think　you。　　With　the　voice　the　way　is　so　much　shorter；　the



rewards　are　more　easily　won。　　In　your　voice　I　think　Na…



ture　herself　did　for　you　what　it　would　take　you　many　years



to　do　at　the　piano。　　Perhaps　you　were　not　born　in　the



wrong　place　after　all。　　Let　us　talk　frankly　now。　　We　have



never　done　so　before；　and　I　have　respected　your　reticence。



What　you　want　more　than　anything　else　in　the　world　is　to



be　an　artist；　is　that　true？〃







　　　　　She　turned　her　face　away　from　him　and　looked　down　at



the　keyboard。　　Her　answer　came　in　a　thickened　voice。



〃Yes；　I　suppose　so。〃







　　　　　〃When　did　you　first　feel　that　you　wanted　to　be　an



artist？〃







　　　　　〃I　don't　know。　　There　was　alwayssomething。〃







　　　　　〃Did　you　never　think　that　you　were　going　to　sing？〃







　　　　　〃Yes。〃







　　　　　〃How　long　ago　was　that？〃







　　　　　〃Always；　until　I　came　to　you。　　It　was　you　who　made　me



want　to　play　piano。〃　　Her　voice　trembled。　　〃Before；　I



tried　to　think　I　did；　but　I　was　pretending。〃







　　　　　Harsanyi　reached　out　and　caught　the　hand　that　was



hanging　at　her　side。　　He　pressed　it　as　if　to　give　her　some…



thing。　　〃Can't　you　see；　my　dear　girl；　that　was　only　be…



cause　I　happened　to　be　the　first　artist　you　have　ever　known？















If　I　had　been　a　trombone　player；　it　would　have　been　the



same；　you　would　have　wanted　to　play　trombone。　　But　all



the　while　you　have　been　working　with　such　good…will；



something　has　been　struggling　against　me。　　See；　here　we



were；　you　and　I　and　this　instrument；〃he　tapped　the



piano；〃three　good　friends；　working　so　hard。　　But　all



the　while　there　was　something　fighting　us：　your　gift；　and



the　woman　you　were　meant　to　be。　　When　you　find　your



way　to　that　gift　and　to　that　woman；　you　will　be　at　peace。



In　the　beginning　it　was　an　artist　that　you　wanted　to　be；



well；　you　may　be　an　artist；　always。〃







　　　　　Thea　drew　a　long　breath。　　Her　hands　fell　in　her　lap。



〃So　I'm　just　where　I　began。　　No　teacher；　nothing　done。



No　money。〃







　　　　　Harsanyi　turned　away。　　〃Feel　no　apprehension　about



the　money；　Miss　Kronborg。　　Come　back　in　the　fall　and　we



shall　manage　that。　　I　shall　even　go　to　Mr。　Thomas　if　neces…



sary。　　This　year　will　not　be　lost。　　If　you　but　knew　what　an



advantage　this　winter's　study；　all　your　study　of　the　piano；



will　give　you　over　most　singers。　　Perhaps　things　have　come



out　better　for　you　than　if　we　had　planned　them　knowingly。〃







　　　　　〃You　mean　they　have　IF　I　can　sing。〃







　　　　　Thea　spoke　with　a　heavy　irony；　so　heavy；　indeed；　that



it　was　coarse。　　It　grated　upon　Harsanyi　because　he　felt



that　it　was　not　sincere；　an　awkward　affectation。







　　　　　He　wheeled　toward　her。　　〃Miss　Kronborg；　answer　me



this。　　YOU　KNOW　THAT　YOU　CAN　SING；　do　you　not？　　You　have



always　known　it。　　While　we　worked　here　together　you



sometimes　said　to　yourself；　‘I　have　something　you　know



nothing　about；　I　could　surprise　you。'　　Is　that　also　true？〃







　　　　　Thea　nodded　and　hung　her　head。







　　　　　〃Why　were　you　not　frank　with　me？　　Did　I　not　deserve



it？〃







　　　　　She　shuddered。　　Her　bent　shoulders　trembled。　　〃I　don't



know；〃　she　muttered。　　〃I　didn't　mean　to　be　like　that。　　I



couldn't。　　I　can't。　　It's　different。〃



















　　　　　〃You　mean　it　is　very　personal？〃　he　asked　kindly。







　　　　　She　nodded。　　〃Not　at　church　or　funerals；　or　with　people



like　Mr。　Larsen。　　But　with　you　it　waspersonal。　　I'm



not　like　you　and　Mrs。　Harsanyi。　　I　come　of　rough　people。



I'm　rough。　　But　I'm　independent；　too。　　It　wasall　I　had。



There　is　no　use　my　talking；　Mr。　Harsanyi。　　I　can't　tell



you。〃







　　　　　〃You　needn't　tell　me。　　I　know。　　Every　artist　knows。〃



Harsanyi　stood　looking　at　his　pupil's　back；　bent　as　if　she



were　pushing　something；　at　her　lowered　head。　　〃You　can



sing　for　those　people　because　with　them　you　do　not　com…



mit　yourself。　　But　the　reality；　one　cannot　uncover　THAT



until　one　is　sure。　　One　can　fail　one's　self；　but　one　must　not



live　to　see　that　fail；　better　never　reveal　it。　　Let　me　help



you　to　make　yourself　sure　of　it。　　That　I　can　do　better　than



Bowers。〃







　　　　　Thea　lifted　her　face　and　threw　out　her　hands。







　　　　　Harsanyi　shook　his　head　and　smiled。　　〃Oh；　promise



nothing！　　You　will　have　much　to　do。　　There　will　not　be



voice　only；　but　French；　German；　Italian。　　You　will　have



work　enough。　　But　sometimes　you　will　need　to　be　under…



stood；　what　you　never　show　to　any　one　will　need　com…



panionship。　　And　then　you　must　come　to　me。〃　　He　peered



into　her　face　with　that　searching；　intimate　glance。　　〃You



know　what　I　mean；　the　thing　in　you　that　has　no　business



with　what　is　little；　that　will　have　to　do　only　with　beauty





and　power。〃







　　　　　Thea　threw　out　her　hands　fiercely；　as　if　to　push　him



away。　　She　made　a　sound　in　her　throat；　but　it　was　not



articulate。　　Harsanyi　took　one　of　her　hands　and　kissed



it　lightly　upon　the　back。　　His　salute　was　one　of　greeting；



not　of　farewell；　and　it　was　for　some　one　he　had　never



seen。







　　　　　When　Mrs。　Harsanyi　came　in　at　six　o'clock；　she　found



her　husband　sitting　listlessly　by　the　window。　　〃Tired？〃



she　asked。



















　　　　　〃A　little。　　I've　just　got　through　a　difficulty。　　I've　sent



Miss　Kronborg　away；　turned　her　over　to　Bowers；　for



voice。〃







　　　　　〃Sent　Miss　Kronborg　away？　　Andor；　what　is　the　matter



with　you？〃







　　　　　〃It's　nothing　rash。　　I've　known　for　a　long　while　I　ought



to　do　it。　　She　is　made　for　a　singer；　not　a　pianist。〃







　　　　　Mrs。　Harsanyi　sat　down　on　the　piano　chair。　　She　spoke



a　little　bitterly：　〃How　can　you　be　sure　of　that？　　She　was；



at　least；　the　best　you　had。　　I　thought　you　meant　to　have



her　play　at　your　students'　recital　next　fall。　　I　am　sure　she



would　have　made　an　impression。　　I　could　have　dressed　her



so　that　she　would　have　been　very　striking。　　She　had　so



much　individuality。〃







　　　　　Harsanyi　bent　forward；　looking　at　the　floor。　　〃Yes；　I



know。　　I　shall　miss　her；　of　course。〃







　　　　　Mrs。　Harsanyi　looked　at　her　husband's　fine　head　against



the　gray　window。　　She　had　never　felt　deeper　tenderness



for　him　than　she　did　at　that　moment。　　Her　heart　ached　for



him。　　〃You　will　never　get　on；　Andor；〃　she　said　mourn…



fully。







　　　　　Harsanyi　sat　motionless。　　〃No；　I　shall　never　get　on；〃



he　repeated　quietly。　　Suddenly　he　sprang　up　with　that



light　movement　she　knew　so　well；　and　stood　in　the　window；



with　folded　arms。　　〃But　some　day　I　shall　be　able　to　look



her　in　the　face　and　laugh　because　I　did　what　I　could　for



her。　　I　believe　in　her。　　She　will　do　nothing　common。　　She　is



uncommon；　in　a　common；　common　world。　　That　is　what



I　get　out　of　it。　　It　means　more　to　me　than　if　she　played　at



my　concert　and　brought　me　a　dozen　pupils。　　All　this



drudgery　will　kill　me　if　once　in　a　while　I　cannot　hope　some…



thing；　for　somebody！　　If　I　cannot　sometimes　see　a　bird　fly



and　wave　my　hand　to　it。〃







　　　　　His　tone　was　angry　and　injured。　　Mrs。　Harsanyi　under…



stood　that　this　was　one　of　the　times　when　his　wife　was　a



part　of　the　drudgery；　of　the　〃common；　common　world。〃















He　had　let　something　he　cared　for　go；　and　he　felt　bitterly



about　whatever　was　left。　　The　mood　would　pass；　and　he



would　be　sorry。　　She　knew　him。　　It　wounded　her；　of　course；



but　that　hurt　was　not　new。　　It　was　as　old　as　her　love　for



him。　　She　went　out　and　left　him　alone。



























　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　VIII











　　　　　ONE　warm　damp　June　night　the　Denver　Express　was



speeding　westward　across　the　earthy…smelling　plains



of　Iowa。　　The　lights　in　the　day…coach　were　turned　low　and



the　ventilators　were　open；　admitting　showers　of　soot　and



dust　upon　the　occupants　of　the　narrow　green　plush　chairs



which　were　tilted　at　various　angles　of　discomfort。　　In　each



of　these　chairs　some　uncomfortable　human　being　lay　drawn



up；　or　stretched　out；　or　writhing　from　one　position　to　an…



other。　　There　were　tired　men　in　rumpled　shirts；　their　necks



bare　and　their　suspenders　down；　old　women　with　their



heads　tied　up　in　black　handkerchiefs；　bedraggled　young



women　who　went　to　sleep　while　they　were　nursing　their



babies　and　forgot　to　button　up　their　dresses；　dirty　boys



who　added　to　the　general　discomfor