father sergius-第3部分

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undertake　nothing；　and　simply　to　wait。　　In　general　all　this　time

he　lived　not　by　his　own　will　but　by　that　of　the　starets；　and　in

this　obedience　he　found　a　special　tranquillity。



So　he　lived　in　his　first　monastery　for　seven　years。　　At　the　end

of　the　third　year　he　received　the　tonsure　and　was　ordained　to　the

priesthood　by　the　name　of　Sergius。　　The　profession　was　an

important　event　in　his　inner　life。　　He　had　previously　experienced

a　great　consolation　and　spiritual　exaltation　when　receiving

communion；　and　now　when　he　himself　officiated；　the　performance　of

the　preparation　filled　him　with　ecstatic　and　deep　emotion。　　But

subsequently　that　feeling　became　more　and　more　deadened；　and　once

when　he　was　officiating　in　a　depressed　state　of　mind　he　felt　that

the　influence　produced　on　him　by　the　service　would　not　endure。　

And　it　did　in　fact　weaken　till　only　the　habit　remained。



In　general　in　the　seventh　year　of　his　life　in　the　monastery

Sergius　grew　weary。　　He　had　learnt　all　there　was　to　learn　and　had

attained　all　there　was　to　attain；　there　was　nothing　more　to　do

and　his　spiritual　drowsiness　increased。　　During　this　time　he

heard　of　his　mother's　death　and　his　sister　Varvara's　marriage；

but　both　events　were　matters　of　indifference　to　him。　　His　whole

attention　and　his　whole　interest　were　concentrated　on　his　inner

life。



In　the　fourth　year　of　his　priesthood；　during　which　the　Bishop　had

been　particularly　kind　to　him；　the　starets　told　him　that　he　ought

not　to　decline　it　if　he　were　offered　an　appointment　to　higher

duties。　　Then　monastic　ambition；　the　very　thing　he　had　found　so

repulsive　in　other　monks；　arose　within　him。　　He　was　assigned　to　a

monastery　near　the　metropolis。　　He　wished　to　refuse　but　the

starets　ordered　him　to　accept　the　appointment。　　He　did　so；　and

took　leave　of　the　starets　and　moved　to　the　other　monastery。



The　exchange　into　the　metropolitan　monastery　was　an　important

event　in　Sergius's　life。　　There　he　encountered　many　temptations；

and　his　whole　will…power　was　concentrated　on　meeting　them。



In　the　first　monastery；　women　had　not　been　a　temptation　to　him；

but　here　that　temptation　arose　with　terrible　strength　and　even

took　definite　shape。　　There　was　a　lady　known　for　her　frivolous

behaviour　who　began　to　seek　his　favour。　She　talked　to　him　and

asked　him　to　visit　her。　　Sergius　sternly　declined；　but　was

horrified　by　the　definiteness　of　his　desire。　　He　was　so　alarmed

that　he　wrote　about　it　to　the　starets。　　And　in　addition；　to　keep

himself　in　hand；　he　spoke　to　a　young　novice　and；　conquering　his

sense　of　shame；　confessed　his　weakness　to　him；　asking　him　to　keep

watch　on　him　and　not　let　him　go　anywhere　except　to　service　and　to

fulfil　his　duties。



Besides　this；　a　great　pitfall　for　Sergius　lay　in　the　fact　of　his

extreme　antipathy　to　his　new　Abbot；　a　cunning　worldly　man　who　was

making　a　career　for　himself　in　the　Church。　　Struggle　with　himself

as　he　might；　he　could　not　master　that　feeling。　　He　was　submissive

to　the　Abbot；　but　in　the　depths　of　his　soul　he　never　ceased　to

condemn　him。　And　in　the　second　year　of　his　residence　at　the　new

monastery　that　ill…feeling　broke　out。



The　Vigil　service　was　being　performed　in　the　large　church　on　the

eve　of　the　feast　of　the　Intercession　of　the　Blessed　Virgin；　and

there　were　many　visitors。　　The　Abbot　himself　was　conducting　the

service。　　Father　Sergius　was　standing　in　his　usual　place　and

praying：　that　is；　he　was　in　that　condition　of　struggle　which

always　occupied　him　during　the　service；　especially　in　the　large

church　when　he　was　not　himself　conducting　the　service。　　This

conflict　was　occasioned　by　his　irritation　at　the　presence　of　fine

folk；　especially　ladies。　　He　tried　not　to　see　them　or　to　notice

all　that　went　on：　how　a　soldier　conducted　them；　pushing　the

common　people　aside；　how　the　ladies　pointed　out　the　monks　to　one

anotherespecially　himself　and　a　monk　noted　for　his　good　looks。　

He　tried　as　it　were　to　keep　his　mind　in　blinkers；　to　see　nothing

but　the　light　of　the　candles　on　the　altar…screen；　the　icons；　and

those　conducting　the　service。　　He　tried　to　hear　nothing　but　the

prayers　that　were　being　chanted　or　read；　to　feel　nothing　but

self…oblivion　in　consciousness　of　the　fulfilment　of　dutya

feeling　he　always　experienced　when　hearing　or　reciting　in　advance

the　prayers　he　had　so　often　heard。



So　he　stood；　crossing　and　prostrating　himself　when　necessary；　and

struggled　with　himself；　now　giving　way　to　cold　condemnation　and

now　to　a　consciously　evoked　obliteration　of　thought　and　feeling。　

Then　the　sacristan；　Father　Nicodemusalso　a　great

stumbling…block　to　Sergius　who　involuntarily　reproached　him　for

flattering　and　fawning　on　the　Abbotapproached　him　and；　bowing

low；　requested　his　presence　behind　the　holy　gates。　　Father

Sergius　straightened　his　mantle；　put　on　his　biretta；　and　went

circumspectly　through　the　crowd。



'Lise；　regarde　a　droite；　c'est　lui！'　he　heard　a　woman's　voice

say。



'Ou；　ou？　　Il　n'est　pas　tellement　beau。'



He　knew　that　they　were　speaking　of　him。　　He　heard　them　and；　as

always　at　moments　of　temptation；　he　repeated　the　words；　'Lead　us

not　into　temptation；'　and　bowing　his　head　and　lowering　his　eyes

went　past　the　ambo　and　in　by　the　north　door；　avoiding　the　canons

in　their　cassocks　who　were　just　then　passing　the　altar…screen。　On

entering　the　sanctuary　he　bowed；　crossing　himself　as　usual　and

bending　double　before　the　icons。　　Then；　raising　his　head　but

without　turning；　he　glanced　out　of　the　corner　of　his　eye　at　the

Abbot；　whom　he　saw　standing　beside　another　glittering　figure。



The　Abbot　was　standing　by　the　wall　in　his　vestments。　Having　freed

his　short　plump　hands　from　beneath　his　chasuble　he　had　folded

them　over　his　fat　body　and　protruding　stomach；　and　fingering　the

cords　of　his　vestments　was　smilingly　saying　something　to　a

military　man　in　the　uniform　of　a　general　of　the　Imperial　suite；

with　its　insignia　and　shoulder…knots　which　Father　Sergius's

experienced　eye　at　once　recognized。　　This　general　had　been　the

commander　of　the　regiment　in　which　Sergius　had　served。　　He　now

evidently　occupied　an　important　position；　and　Father　Sergius　at

once　noticed　that　the　Abbot　was　aware　of　this　and　that　his　red

face　and　bald　head　beamed　with　satisfaction　and　pleasure。　　This

vexed　and　disgusted　Father　Sergius；　the　more　so　when　he　heard

that　the　Abbot　had　only　sent　for　him　to　satisfy　the　general's

curiosity　to　see　a　man　who　had　formerly　served　with　him；　as　he

expressed　it。



'Very　pleased　to　see　you　in　your　angelic　guise；'　said　the

general；　holding　out　his　hand。　　'I　hope　you　have　not　forgotten　an

old　comrade。'



The　whole　thingthe　Abbot's　red；　smiling　face　amid　its　fringe　of

grey；　the　general's　words；　his　well…cared…for　face　with　its

self…satisfied　smile　and　the　smell　of　wine　from　his　breath　and　of

cigars　from　his　whiskersrevolted　Father　Sergius。　　He　bowed

again　to　the　Abbot　and　said：



'Your　reverence　deigned　to　send　for　me？'and　stopped；　the　whole

expression　of　his　face　and　eyes　asking　why。



'Yes；　to　meet　the　General；'　replied　the　Abbot。



'Your　reverence；　I　left　the　world　to　save　myself　from

temptation；'　said　Father　Sergius；　turning　pale　and　with　quivering

lips。　　'Why　do　you　expose　me　to　it　during　prayers　and　in　God's

house？'



'You　may　go！　　Go！'　said　the　Abbot；　flaring　up　and　frowning。



Next　day　Father　Sergius　asked　pardon　of　the　Abbot　and　of　the

brethren　for　his　pride；　but　at　the　same　time；　after　a　night　spent

in　prayer；　he　decided　that　he　must　leave　this　monastery；　and　he

wrote　to　the　starets　begging　permission　to　return　to　him。　　He

wrote　that　he　felt　his　weakness　and　incapacity　to　struggle

against　temptation　without　his　help　and　penitently　confessed　his

sin　of　pride。　By　return　of　post　came　a　letter　from　the　starets；

who　wrote　that　Sergius's　pride　was　the　cause　of　all　that　had

happened。　　The　old　man　pointed　out　that　his　fits　of　anger　were

due　to　the　fact　that　in　refusing　all　clerical　honours　he

humiliated　himself　not　for　the　sake　of　God　but　for　the　sake　of

his　pride。　　'There　now；　am　I　not　a　splendid　man　not　to　want

anything？'　　That　was　why　he　could　not　tolerate　the　Abbot's

action。　　'I　have　renounced　everything　for　the　glory　of　God；　and

here　I　am　exhibited　like　a　wild　beast！'　　'Had　you　renounced

vanity　for　God's　sake　you　would　have　borne　it。　　Worldly　pride　is

not　yet　dead　in　you。　　I　have　thought　about　you；　Sergius　my　son；

and　prayed　also；　and　this　is　what　God　has　suggested　to　me。　　At

the　Tambov　hermitage　the　anchorite　Hilary；　a　man　of　saintly　life；

has　died。　　He　had　lived　there　eighteen　years。　　The　Tambov　Abbot

is　asking　whether　there　is　not　a　brother　who　would　take　his

place。　　And　here　comes　your　letter。　　Go　to　Father　Paissy　of　the

Tambov　Monastery。　　I　will　write　to　him　about　you；　and　you　must

ask　for　Hilary's　cell。　　Not　that　you　can　replace　Hilary；　but　you

need　solitude　to　quell　your　pride。　　May　God　bless　you！'



Sergius　obeyed　the　starets；　showed　his　letter　to　the　Abbot；　and

having　obtained　his　permission；　gave　up　his　cell；　handed　all　his

possessions　over　to　the　monastery；　and　set　out　for　the　Tambov

hermitage。



There　the　Abbot；　an　excellent　manager　of　merchant　origin；

received　Sergius　simply　and　quietly　and　placed　him　in　Hilary's

cell；　at　first　assigning　to　him　a　lay　brother　but　afterwards

leaving　him　alone；　at　Sergius's　own　request。　The　cell　was　a　dual

cave；　dug　into　the　hillside；　and　in　it　Hilary　had　been　buried。　

In　the　back　part　was　Hilary's　grave；　while　in　the　front　was　a

niche　for　sleeping；　with　a　straw　mattress；　a　small　table；　and　a

shelf　with　icons　and　books。　　Outside　the　outer　door；　which

fastened　with　a　hook；　was　another　shelf　on　which；　once　a　day；　a

monk　placed　food　from　the　monastery。



And　so　Sergius　became　a　hermit。



III



At　Carnival　time；　in　the　sixth　year　of　Sergius's　life　at　the

hermitage；　a　merry　company　of　rich　people；　men　and　women　from　a

neighbouring　town；　made　up　a　troyka…part