the history of john bull-第11部分

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they　never　mortgaged　the　stock。　　Sure；　you　must　have　some　of　the　Norman　or　the　Norfolk　blood　in　you。　　Prithee；　give　me　some　account　of　these　matters。

JOHN　BULL。Who　could　help　it？　　There　lives　not　such　a　fellow　by　bread　as　that　old　Lewis　Baboon：　　he　is　the　most　cheating；　contentious　rogue　upon　the　face　of　the　earth。　　You　must　know；　one　day；　as　Nic。　Frog　and　I　were　over　a　bottle　making　up　an　old　quarrel；　the　old　fellow　would　needs　have　us　drink　a　bottle　of　his　champagne；　and　so　one　after　another；　till　my　friend　Nic。　and　I；　not　being　used　to　such　heady　stuff；　got　very　drunk。　　Lewis　all　the　while；　either　by　the　strength　of　his　brain　or　flinching　his　glass；　kept　himself　sober　as　a　judge。　　〃My　worthy　friends；〃　quoth　Lewis；　〃henceforth　let　us　live　neighbourly；　I　am　as　peaceable　and　quiet　as　a　lamb　of　my　own　temper；　but　it　has　been　my　misfortune　to　live　among　quarrelsome　neighbours。　　There　is　but　one　thing　can　make　us　fall　out；　and　that　is　the　inheritance　of　Lord　Strutt's　estate：　　I　am　content；　for　peace'　sake；　to　waive　my　right；　and　submit　to　any　expedient　to　prevent　a　lawsuit；　I　think　an　equal　division*　will　be　the　fairest　way。〃　　〃Well　moved；　Old　Lewis；〃　quoth　Frog；　〃and　I　hope　my　friend　John　here　will　not　be　refractory。〃　　At　the　same　time　he　clapped　me　on　the　back；　and　slabbered　me　all　over　from　cheek　to　cheek　with　his　great　tongue。　　〃Do　as　you　please；　gentlemen；〃　quoth　I；　〃'tis　all　one　to　John　Bull。〃　　We　agreed　to　part　that　night；　and　next　morning　to　meet　at　the　corner　of　Lord　Strutt's　park　wall；　with　our　surveying　instruments；　which　accordingly　we　did。　　Old　Lewis　carried　a　chain　and　a　semicircle；　Nic。；　paper；　rulers；　and　a　lead　pencil；　and　I　followed　at　some　distance　with　a　long　pole。　　We　began　first　with　surveying　the　meadow　grounds；　afterwards　we　measured　the　cornfields；　close　by　close；　then　we　proceeded　to　the　woodlands；　the　copper　and　tin　mines。**　　All　this　while　Nic。　laid　down　everything　exactly　upon　paper；　calculated　the　acres　and　roods　to　a　great　nicety。　　When　we　had　finished　the　land；　we　were　going　to　break　into　the　house　and　gardens；　to　take　an　inventory　of　his　plate；　pictures；　and　other　furniture。

*　The　Partition　Treaty。　**　The　West　Indies。

MRS。　BULL。What　said　Lord　Strutt　to　all　this？

JOHN　BULL。As　we　had　almost　finished　our　concern；　we　were　accosted　by　some　of　Lord　Strutt's　servants。　　〃Heyday！　what's　here？　what　a　devil's　the　meaning　of　all　these　trangrams　and　gimcracks；　gentlemen？　What　in　the　name　of　wonder；　are　you　going　about；　jumping　over　my　master's　hedges；　and　running　your　lines　cross　his　grounds？　　If　you　are　at　any　field　pastime；　you　might　have　asked　leave：　　my　master　is　a　civil　well…bred　person　as　any　is。〃

MRS。　BULL。What　could　you　answer　to　this？

JOHN　BULL。Why；　truly；　my　neighbour　Frog　and　I　were　still　hot…　headed；　we　told　him　his　master　was　an　old　doting　puppy；　that　minded　nothing　of　his　own　business；　that　we　were　surveying　his　estate；　and　settling　it　for　him；　since　he　would　not　do　it　himself。　　Upon　this　there　happened　a　quarrel；　but　we　being　stronger　than　they；　sent　them　away　with　a　flea　in　their　ear。　　They　went　home　and　told　their　master。　　〃My　lord；〃　say　they；　〃there　are　three　odd　sort　of　fellows　going　about　your　grounds　with　the　strangest　machines　that　ever　we　beheld　in　our　life：　　I　suppose　they　are　going　to　rob　your　orchard；　fell　your　trees；　or　drive　away　your　cattle。　　They　told　us　strange　things　of　settling　your　estateone　is　a　lusty　old　fellow　in　a　black　wig；　with　a　black　beard；　without　teeth；　there's　another；　thick　squat　fellow；　in　trunk　hose；　the　third　is　a　little；　long…nosed；　thin　man　（I　was　then　lean；　being　just　come　out　of　a　fit　of　sickness）I　suppose　it　is　fit　to　send　after　them；　lest　they　carry　something　away？〃

MRS。　BULL。I　fancy　this　put　the　old　fellow　in　a　rare　tweague。

JOHN　BULL。Weak　as　he　was；　he　called　for　his　long　Toledo；　swore　and　bounced　about　the　room：　　〃'Sdeath！　what　am　I　come　to；　to　be　affronted　so　by　my　tradesmen？　　I　know　the　rascals：　　my　barber；　clothier；　and　linen…draper　dispose　of　my　estate！　　Bring　hither　my　blunderbuss；　I'll　warrant　ye　you　shall　see　daylight　through　them。　Scoundrels！　dogs！　the　scum　of　the　earth！　　Frog；　that　was　my　father's　kitchen…boy；　he　pretend　to　meddle　with　my　estatewith　my　will！　　Ah；　poor　Strutt！　what　are　thou　come　to　at　last？　　Thou　hast　lived　too　long　in　the　world；　to　see　thy　age　and　infirmity　so　despised！　　How　will　the　ghosts　of　my　noble　ancestors　receive　these　tidings？they　cannot；　they　must　not　sleep　quietly　in　their　graves。〃　　In　short；　the　old　gentleman　was　carried　off　in　a　fainting　fit；　and　after　bleeding　in　both　arms　hardly　recovered。

MRS。　BULL。Really　this　was　a　very　extraordinary　way　of　proceeding！　I　long　to　hear　the　rest　of　it。

JOHN　BULL。After　we　had　come　back　to　the　tavern；　and　taken　t'other　bottle　of　champagne；　we　quarrelled　a　little　about　the　division　of　the　estate。　　Lewis　hauled　and　pulled　the　map　on　one　side　and　Frog　and　I　on　t'other；　till　we　had　like　to　have　tore　the　parchment　to　pieces。　　At　last　Lewis　pulled　out　a　pair　of　great　tailor's　shears　and　clipt　a　corner　for　himself；　which　he　said　was　a　manor　that　lay　convenient　for　him；　and　left　Frog　and　me　the　rest　to　dispose　of　as　we　pleased。　　We　were　overjoyed　to　think　Lewis　was　contented　with　so　little；　not　smelling　what　was　at　the　bottom　of　the　plot。　　There　happened；　indeed；　an　incident　that　gave　us　some　disturbance。　　A　cunning　fellow；　one　of　my　servants；　two　days　after；　peeping　through　the　keyhole；　observed　that　old　Lewis　had　stole　away　our　part　of　the　map；　and　saw　him　fiddling　and　turning　the　map　from　one　corner　to　the　other；　trying　to　join　the　two　pieces　together　again。　　He　was　muttering　something　to　himself；　which　he　did　not　well　hear；　only　these　words；　〃'Tis　great　pity！　'tis　great　pity！〃　　My　servant　added　that　he　believed　this　had　some　ill　meaning。　　I　told　him　he　was　a　coxcomb；　always　pretending　to　be　wiser　than　his　companions。　　Lewis　and　I　are　good　friends；　he's　an　honest　fellow；　and　I　daresay　will　stand　to　his　bargain。　　The　sequel　of　the　story　proved　this　fellow's　suspicion　to　be　too　well　grounded；　for　Lewis　revealed　our　whole　secret　to　the　deceased　Lord　Strutt；　who　in　reward　for　his　treachery；　and　revenge　to　Frog　and　me；　settled　his　whole　estate　upon　the　present　Philip　Baboon。　　Then　we　understood　what　he　meant　by　piecing　the　map　together。

MRS。　BULL。And　were　you　surprised　at　this？　　Had　not　Lord　Strutt　reason　to　be　angry？　　Would　you　have　been　contented　to　have　been　so　used　yourself？

JOHN　BULL。Why；　truly；　wife；　it　was　not　easily　reconciled　to　the　common　methods；　but　then　it　was　the　fashion　to　do　such　things。　　I　have　read　of　your　golden　age；　your　silver　age；　etc。；　one　might　justly　call　this　the　age　of　the　lawyers。　　There　was　hardly　a　man　of　substance　in　all　the　country　but　had　a　counterfeit　that　pretended　to　his　estate。*　　As　the　philosophers　say　that　there　is　a　duplicate　of　every　terrestrial　animal　at　sea；　so　it　was　in　this　age　of　the　lawyers：　　there　were　at　least　two　of　everything；　nay；　o'　my　conscience；　I　think　there　were　three　Esquire　Hackums**　at　one　time。　In　short；　it　was　usual　for　a　parcel　of　fellows　to　meet　and　dispose　of　the　whole　estates　in　the　country。　　〃This　lies　convenient　for　me；　Tom。　　Thou　wouldst　do　more　good　with　that；　Dick；　than　the　old　fellow　that　has　it。〃　　So　to　law　they　went　with　the　true　owners：　　the　lawyers　got　well　by　it；　everybody　else　was　undone。　　It　was　a　common　thing　for　an　honest　man　when　he　came　home　at　night　to　find　another　fellow　domineering　in　his　family；　hectoring　his　servants；　and　calling　for　supper。　　In　every　house　you　might　observe　two　Sosias　quarrelling　who　was　master。　　For　my　own　part；　I　am　still　afraid　of　the　same　treatment：　　that　I　should　find　somebody　behind　my　counter　selling　my　broad…cloth。

*　Several　Pretenders　at　that　time。　**　Kings　of　England。

MRS。　BULL。There　is　a　sort　of　fellows　they　call　banterers　and　bamboozlers　that　play　such　tricks；　but　it　seems　these　fellows　were　in　earnest。

JOHN　BULL。I　begin　to　think　that　justice　is　a　better　rule　than　conveniency；　for　all　some　people　make　so　slight　on　it。



CHAPTER　VII。　Of　the　hard　shifts　Mrs。　Bull　was　put　to　preserve　the　Manor　of　Bullock's　Hatch；　with　Sir　Roger's　method　to　keep　off　importunate　duns。*

*　Some　attempts　to　destroy　the　public　credit　at　that　time。　　Manners　of　the　Earl　of　Oxford。

As　John　Bull　and　his　wife　were　talking　together　they　were　surprised　with　a　sudden　knocking　at　the　door。　　〃Those　wicked　scriveners　and　lawyers；　no　doubt；〃　quoth　John；　and　so　it　was；　some　asking　for　the　money　he　owed；　and　others　warning　to　prepare　for　the　approaching　term。　　〃What　a　cursed　life　do　I　lead！〃　quoth　John；　〃debt　is　like　deadly　sin。　　For　God's　sake；　Sir　Roger；　get　me　rid　of　the　fellows。〃　〃I'll　warrant　you；〃　quoth　Sir　Roger；　〃leave　them　to　me。〃　　And；　indeed；　it　was　pleasant　enough　to　observe　Sir　Roger's　method　with　these　importunate　duns。　　His　sincere　friendship　for　John　Bull　made　him　submit　to　many　things　for　his　service　which　he　would　have　scorned　to　have　done　for　himself。　　Sometimes　he　would　stand　at　the　door　with　his　long　staff　to　keep　off　the　duns；　until　John　got　out　at　the　back　door。　　When　the　lawyers　and　tradesmen　brought　extravagant　bills　Sir　Roger　used　to　bargain　beforehand　for　leave　to　cut　off　a　quarter　of　a　yard　in　any　part　of　the　bill　he　pleased；　he　wore　a　pair　of　scissors　in　his　pocket　for　this　purpose；　and　would　snip　it　off　so　nicely　as　you　cannot　imagine。　　Like　a　true　goldsmith　he　kept　all　your　holidays；　there　was　not　one　wanting　in　his　calendar；　when　ready　money　was　scarce；　he　would　set　them　a…telling　a　thousand　pounds　in　sixpences；　groats；　and　threepenny…pieces。　　It　would　have　done　your　heart　good　to　have　seen　him　charge　through　an　army　of　lawyers；　attorneys；　clerks；　and　tradesmen；　sometimes　with　sword　in　hand；　at　other　times　nuzzling　like　an　eel　in　the　mud。　　When　a　fellow　stuck　like　a　bur；　that　there　was　no　shaking　him　off；　he　used　to　be　mighty　inquisitive　about　the　health　of　his　uncles　and　aunts　in　the　country；　he　could　call　them　all　by　their　names；　for　he　knew　everybody；　and　could　talk　to　them　in　their　own　way。　　The　extremely　impertinent　he　would　send　away　to　see　some　strange　sight；　as　the　Dragon　of　Hockley　the　Hole；　or　bid　him　call　the　3Oth　of　next　February。　　Now　and　then　you　would　see　him　in　the　kitchen；　weighing　the　beef　and　butter；　paying　ready　money；　that　th