camille-第17部分

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When　I　entered；　Marguerite　ran　to　me；　threw　her　arms　around　my　neck　and　kissed　me　with　all　her　might。

〃Are　we　still　sulky？〃　she　said　to　me。

〃No；　it　is　all　over；〃　replied　Prudence。　〃I　have　given　him　a　talking　to；　and　he　has　promised　to　be　reasonable。〃

〃Well　and　good。〃

In　spite　of　myself　I　glanced　at　the　bed；　it　was　not　unmade。　As　for　Marguerite；　she　was　already　in　her　white　dressing…gown。　We　sat　down　to　table。

Charm；　sweetness；　spontaneity；　Marguerite　had　them　all；　and　I　was　forced　from　time　to　time　to　admit　that　I　had　no　right　to　ask　of　her　anything　else；　that　many　people　would　be　very　happy　to　be　in　my　place；　and　that；　like　Virgil's　shepherd；　I　had　only　to　enjoy　the　pleasures　that　a　god；　or　rather　a　goddess；　set　before　me。

I　tried　to　put　in　practice　the　theories　of　Prudence；　and　to　be　as　gay　as　my　two　companions；　but　what　was　natural　in　them　was　on　my　part　an　effort；　and　the　nervous　laughter；　whose　source　they　did　not　detect；　was　nearer　to　tears　than　to　mirth。

At　last　the　supper　was　over　and　I　was　alone　with　Marguerite。　She　sat　down　as　usual　on　the　hearthrug　before　the　fire　and　gazed　sadly　into　the　flames。　What　was　she　thinking　of？　I　know　not。　As　for　me；　I　looked　at　her　with　a　mingling　of　love　and　terror；　as　I　thought　of　all　that　I　was　ready　to　suffer　for　her　sake。

〃Do　you　know　what　I　am　thinking　of？〃

〃No。〃

〃Of　a　plan　that　has　come　into　my　head。〃

〃And　what　is　this　plan？〃

〃I　can't　tell　you　yet；　but　I　can　tell　you　what　the　result　would　be。　The　result　would　be　that　in　a　month　I　should　be　free；　I　should　have　no　more　debts；　and　we　could　go　and　spend　the　summer　in　the　country。〃

〃And　you　can't　tell　me　by　what　means？〃

〃No；　only　love　me　as　I　love　you；　and　all　will　succeed。〃

〃And　have　you　made　this　plan　all　by　yourself？〃

〃Yes。　〃And　you　will　carry　it　out　all　by　yourself？〃

〃I　alone　shall　have　the　trouble　of　it；〃　said　Marguerite；　with　a　smile　which　I　shall　never　forget；　〃but　we　shall　both　partake　its　benefits。〃

I　could　not　help　flushing　at　the　word　benefits；　I　thought　of　Manon　Lescaut　squandering　with　Desgrieux　the　money　of　M。　de　B。

I　replied　in　a　hard　voice；　rising　from　my　seat：

〃You　must　permit　me；　my　dear　Marguerite；　to　share　only　the　benefits　of　those　enterprises　which　I　have　conceived　and　carried　out　myself。〃

〃What　does　that　mean？〃

〃It　means　that　I　have　a　strong　suspicion　that　M。　de　G。　is　to　be　your　associate　in　this　pretty　plan；　of　which　I　can　accept　neither　the　cost　nor　the　benefits

〃What　a　child　you　are！　I　thought　you　loved　me。　I　was　mistaken；　all　right。〃　

She　rose；　opened　the　piano　and　began　to　play　the　Invitation　a　la　Valse；　as　far　as　the　famous　passage　in　the　major　which　always　stopped　her。　Was　it　through　force　of　habit；　or　was　it　to　remind　me　of　the　day　when　we　first　met？　All　I　know　is　that　the　melody　brought　back　that　recollection；　and；　coming　up　to　her；　I　took　her　head　between　my　hands　and　kissed　her。　〃You　forgive　me？〃　I　said。

〃You　see　I　do；〃　she　answered；　〃but　observe　that　we　are　only　at　our　second　day；　and　already　I　have　had　to　forgive　you　something。　Is　this　how　you　keep　your　promise　of　blind　obedience？〃

〃What　can　I　do；　Marguerite？　I　love　you　too　much　and　I　am　jealous　of　the　least　of　your　thoughts。　What　you　proposed　to　me　just　now　made　me　frantic　with　delight；　but　the　mystery　in　its　carrying　out　hurts　me　dreadfully。〃

〃Come；　let　us　reason　it　out；〃　she　said；　taking　both　my　hands　and　looking　at　me　with　a　charming　smile　which　it　was　impossible　to　resist；　〃You　love　me；　do　you　not？　and　you　would　gladly　spend　two　or　three　months　alone　with　me　in　the　country？　I　too　should　be　glad　of　this　solitude　a　deux；　and　not　only　glad　of　it；　but　my　health　requires　it。　I　can　not　leave　Paris　for　such　a　length　of　time　without　putting　my　affairs　in　order；　and　the　affairs　of　a　woman　like　me　are　always　in　great　confusion；　well；　I　have　found　a　way　to　reconcile　everything；　my　money　affairs　and　my　love　for　you；　yes；　for　you；　don't　laugh；　I　am　silly　enough　to　love　you！　And　here　you　are　taking　lordly　airs　and　talking　big　words。　Child；　thrice　child；　only　remember　that　I　love　you；　and　don't　let　anything　disturb　you。　Now；　is　it　agreed？〃　

〃I　agree　to　all　you　wish；　as　you　know。〃

〃Then；　in　less　than　a　month's　time　we　shall　be　in　some　village；　walking　by　the　river　side；　and　drinking　milk。　Does　it　seem　strange　that　Marguerite　Gautier　should　speak　to　you　like　that？　The　fact　is；　my　friend；　that　when　this　Paris　life；　which　seems　to　make　me　so　happy；　doesn't　burn　me；　it　wearies　me；　and　then　I　have　sudden　aspirations　toward　a　calmer　existence　which　might　recall　my　childhood。　One　has　always　had　a　childhood；　whatever　one　becomes。　Don't　be　alarmed；　I　am　not　going　to　tell　you　that　I　am　the　daughter　of　a　colonel　on　half…pay；　and　that　I　was　brought　up　at　Saint…Denis。　I　am　a　poor　country　girl；　and　six　years　ago　I　could　not　write　my　own　name。　You　are　relieved；　aren't　you？　Why　is　it　you　are　the　first　whom　I　have　ever　asked　to　share　the　joy　of　this　desire　of　mine？　I　suppose　because　I　feel　that　you　love　me　for　myself　and　not　for　yourself；　while　all　the　others　have　only　loved　me　for　themselves。

〃I　have　often　been　in　the　country；　but　never　as　I　should　like　to　go　there。　I　count　on　you　for　this　easy　happiness；　do　not　be　unkind；　let　me　have　it。　Say　this　to　yourself：　'She　will　never　live　to　be　old；　and　I　should　some　day　be　sorry　for　not　having　done　for　her　the　first　thing　she　asked　of　me；　such　an　easy　thing　to　do！'〃

What　could　I　reply　to　such　words；　especially　with　the　memory　of　a　first　night　of　love；　and　in　the　expectation　of　a　second？

An　hour　later　I　held　Marguerite　in　my　arms；　and；　if　she　had　asked　me　to　commit　a　crime；　I　would　have　obeyed　her。

At　six　in　the　morning　I　left　her；　and　before　leaving　her　I　said：　〃Till　to…night！〃　She　kissed　me　more　warmly　than　ever；　but　said　nothing。

During　the　day　I　received　a　note　containing　these　words：

〃DEAR　CHILD：　I　am　not　very　well；　and　the　doctor　has　ordered　quiet。　I　shall　go　to　bed　early　to…night　and　shall　not　see　you。　But；　to　make　up；　I　shall　expect　you　to…morrow　at　twelve。　I　love　you。〃

My　first　thought　was：　She　is　deceiving　me！

A　cold　sweat　broke　out　on　my　forehead；　for　I　already　loved　this　woman　too　much　not　to　be　overwhelmed　by　the　suspicion。　And　yet；　I　was　bound　to　expect　such　a　thing　almost　any　day　with　Marguerite；　and　it　had　happened　to　me　often　enough　with　my　other　mistresses；　without　my　taking　much　notice　of　it。　What　was　the　meaning　of　the　hold　which　this　woman　had　taken　upon　my　life？

Then　it　occurred　to　me；　since　I　had　the　key；　to　go　and　see　her　as　usual。　In　this　way　I　should　soon　know　the　truth；　and　if　I　found　a　man　there　I　would　strike　him　in　the　face。

Meanwhile　I　went　to　the　Champs…Elysees。　I　waited　there　four　hours。　She　did　not　appear。　At　night　I　went　into　all　the　theatres　where　she　was　accustomed　to　go。　She　was　in　none　of　them。

At　eleven　o'clock　I　went　to　the　Rue　d'Antin。　There　was　no　light　in　Marguerite's　windows。　All　the　same；　I　rang。　The　porter　asked　me　where　I　was　going。

〃To　Mlle。　Gautier's；〃　I　said。

〃She　has　not　come　in。〃

〃I　will　go　up　and　wait　for　her。〃

〃There　is　no　one　there。〃

Evidently　I　could　get　in；　since　I　had　the　key；　but；　fearing　foolish　scandal；　I　went　away。　Only　I　did　not　return　home；　I　could　not　leave　the　street；　and　I　never　took　my　eyes　off　Marguerite's　house。　It　seemed　to　me　that　there　was　still　something　to　be　found　out；　or　at　least　that　my　suspicions　were　about　to　be　confirmed。

About　midnight　a　carriage　that　I　knew　well　stopped　before　No。　9。　The　Comte　de　G。　got　down　and　entered　the　house；　after　sending　away　the　carriage。　For　a　moment　I　hoped　that　the　same　answer　would　be　given　to　him　as　to　me；　and　that　I　should　see　him　come　out；　but　at　four　o'clock　in　the　morning　I　was　still　awaiting　him。

I　have　suffered　deeply　during　these　last　three　weeks；　but　that　is　nothing；　I　think；　in　comparison　with　what　I　suffered　that　night。　



Chapter　14

When　I　reached　home　I　began　to　cry　like　a　child。　There　is　no　man　to　whom　a　woman　has　not　been　unfaithful；　once　at　least；　and　who　will　not　know　what　I　suffered。

I　said　to　myself；　under　the　weight　of　these　feverish　resolutions　which　one　always　feels　as　if　one　had　the　force　to　carry　out；　that　I　must　break　with　my　amour　at　once；　and　I　waited　impatiently　for　daylight　in　order　to　set　out　forthwith　to　rejoin　my　father　and　my　sister；　of　whose　love　at　least　I　was　certain；　and　certain　that　that　love　would　never　be　betrayed。

However；　I　did　not　wish　to　go　away　without　letting　Marguerite　know　why　I　went。　Only　a　man　who　really　cares　no　more　for　his　mistress　leaves　her　without　writing　to　her。　I　made　and　remade　twenty　letters　in　my　head。　I　had　had　to　do　with　a　woman　like　all　other　women　of　the　kind。　I　had　been　poetizing　too　much。　She　had　treated　me　like　a　school…boy；　she　had　used　in　deceiving　me　a　trick　which　was　insultingly　simple。　My　self…esteem　got　the　upper　hand。　I　must　leave　this　woman　without　giving　her　the　satisfaction　of　knowing　that　she　had　made　me　suffer；　and　this　is　what　I　wrote　to　her　in　my　most　elegant　handwriting　and　with　tears　of　rage　and　sorrow　in　my　eyes：

〃MY　DEAR　MARGUERITE：　I　hope　that　your　indisposition　yesterday　was　not　serious。　I　came；　at　eleven　at　night；　to　ask　after　you；　and　was　told　that　you　had　not　come　in。　M。　de　G。　was　more　fortunate；　for　he　presented　himself　shortly　afterward；　and　at　four　in　the　morning　he　had　not　left。

〃Forgive　me　for　the　few　tedious　hours　that　I　have　given　you；　and　be　assured　that　I　shall　never　forget　the　happy　moments　which　I　owe　to　you。

〃I　should　have　called　to…day　to　ask　after　you；　but　I　intend　going　back　to　my　father's。

〃Good…bye；　my　dear　Marguerite。　I　am　not　rich　enough　to　love　you　as　I　would　nor　poor　enough　to　love　you　as　you　would。　Let　us　then　forget；　you　a　name　which　must　be　indifferent　enough　to　you；　I　a　happiness　which　has　become　impossible。

〃I　send　back　your　key；　which　I　have　never　used；　and　which　might　be　useful　to　you；　if　you　are　often　ill　as　you　were　yesterday。〃

As　you　will　see；　I　was　unable　to　end　my　letter　without　a　touch　of　impertinent　irony；　which　proved　how　much　in　love　I　still　was。

I　read　and　reread　this　letter　ten　times　over；　then　the　thought　of　the　pain　it　would　give　to　Marguerite　calmed　me　a　little。　I　tried　to　persuade　myself　of　the　feelings　which　it　professed；　and　when　m